Time

Hello.

I have posted a bit of my situation in replies but not my own post. I am in need of some guidance….

My ex and I were together about a year. We broke up a total of 3 times, both making mistakes with how we acted/reacted. We both struggle with our emotions and maturity I guess you could say. We are in our early 20’s. Anyway, he was the one to initial the break ups, and he would come back crying and begging me to forgive him. The most time apart has been about 6 months. He always says it is because of his anxiety and depression.

We are in contact now (emailing and in person and are friends on Facebook again) and he has asked me to give him a few months. My main concern is that I am very much in love with him and I want to be with him, but asking for some time confuses me.

Thoughts?

After the second break up, you should have been done. You are not compatible.

Go NC. You cannot be friends.

Move on.

"Hello.

Here is my story. I started seeing this guy (he was 22 and I 24 at the time) who lived a couple houses down from me. Right from the start I told him I was only looking for a relationship, as I had only ever been in one before and was ready for another after years of being single. He agreed and I was ecstatic—I was super attracted to him and his personality. After a few dates I was ready to have sex with him, and we did. The very next day he texted me saying he could never be in relationship again as the last one broke his heart…I’d never felt so played before, as he so clearly lied just for sex. We stopped talking and he would occasionally text me. Well, loneliness got the best of me and I agreed to his proposition of being FWB. Didn’t work out. I quickly got attached and he felt suffocated and suddenly blocked me. Never happened to me before and truly shook me. Well, a few weeks later there was a note on my door saying how terrible he felt and that he wish he’d been better. I ignored it completely and went to bed, but not long after there was a knock on my door. I was shocked but I still opened it. We talked, he cried, and we had sex. He stayed over every day for like 2 weeks straight. I was truly happy.

Flash-forward a year and so far he’s left me twice. Always coming back crying and begging me to forgive him. This last time left is different. It has been 6 months apart (besides him coming over once for sex). He said he changed his number and basically there is no contact between the two of us. I deleted all my social media accounts and my email that I know he has. I am pretty sure he still has my number.

When he came over this most recent time, I asked him bluntly if he was going to come back/if he wanted to be with me. He didn’t really answer. All he said was he needed time to get his head on straight.

I really don’t know….What do you guys think? The coldness and blocking is a bit much for me to ever forgive him. But then again, I have done it before…

I just don't understand why he is so unsure about what he wants. I have always been kind and loving towards him.

This guy has treated you like garbage, all along. Honey, where is your self worth? He has been using you. And, you have not been dating for two years.

Get away from this creep! He does not respect or value you! Why do you allow people to treat you like this?

it was only a year, not two. I didn't say two years ever. I do struggle with self-worth and I know most people would be done after the first time even. but I am overly forgiving and clouded by love for him.

I read stories all the time of people going through rough patches and still end up together...I guess that also sways me to think we can be something again.

it was only a year, not two. I didn't say two years ever. I do struggle with self-worth and I know most people would be done after the first time even. but I am overly forgiving and clouded by love for him.

 

I read stories all the time of people going through rough patches and still end up together...I guess that also sways me to think we can be something again.

He treats you like a booty call. This is who he is. He will not change! He did not value you then, and he doesn't value you now. If someone cares about another, they don't need time to think about it.

Stop allowing this, block him and get some counseling for your self esteem. When are you going to love yourself?

Take it from someone who experienced this: DO NOT GIVE HIM ANY MORE OF YOUR TIME/ATTENTION/PITY.

My ex did this to me only I fell for it for a much longer time. We broke up a lot, he treated me like trash, and blamed it on his anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, etc. That is just an excuse to keep your heart open, so he always has a way back in whenever he finds it convenient for himself.

Also, I really doubt you are "very much in love with him," he has manipulated you into believing so. When you meet and fall in love with a man who treats you as you should be treated, you will think back on this "love" and wonder what the heck you were thinking.

Cut him out of your life and move on.

Don't be waiting in the wings for someone who easily disposes of you and comes back during a dry spell. Find better for yourself.

It shouldn't. It means he's stringing you along.😟

asking for some time confuses me.

Can't people change though?

Can't people change though?

Some do. Never wait around for it though, because chances are by the time he changes, it won't be your door he's knocking on. This guy was never serious about you, girl.

Also, couples who work through rough patches and reunite are usually those who had a pretty solid relationship to begin with. Unfortunately, you've never had that with him.

It's time to move on.

He's broken up 3 times. This is what he does with you because you allow it. It's not about whether people change. It's about a gambling/addiction mentality that this time you'll win big despite the massive evidence against that.

Can't people change though?

He hasn't changed in all of the time you had been with him. He has never treated you like something he valued. He is still showing you this by wanting "time." Where do you see the change. Why would he change, you have allowed him to disrespect you for a long time.

OP, this guy has never treated you with respect, why do you think he would morph into a loving human being. he does not care about you.

Why don't you have higher expectations for yourself? You need to address your issues of emotional unavailability, because if you were emotionally available, you wouldn't be waiting on something that will never happen.

Please check out baggagereclaim.com it may help, as I feel that our words are falling on deaf ears.

Why should he "change"? He gets everything he wants from you acting the way he always has. Where is his motivation to "change"?

Are you sticking around hoping someday he "realizes"?

If I could teach my younger self one thing, it would be that if someone WANTS to be with you, he will be. Everything else is an excuse.

I'd leave the guy alone and move my focus onto building a happier life for myself. Then I won't be so vulnerable to hints and noises from someone who won't give me what I want. From there, I'd screen potential dates carefully to learn whether they are looking for the kind of relationship I am seeking. I'd skip anyone who's casual or doesn't know what he wants.

People will only value you to the degree that you value yourself. An ability to walk away from less than you deserve is a major measurement of that.

Head high, move forward, and you will thank yourself later.

If I could teach my younger self one thing, it would be that if someone WANTS to be with you, he will be. Everything else is an excuse.

 

I'd leave the guy alone and move my focus onto building a happier life for myself. Then I won't be so vulnerable to hints and noises from someone who won't give me what I want. From there, I'd screen potential dates carefully to learn whether they are looking for the kind of relationship I am seeking. I'd skip anyone who's casual or doesn't know what he wants.

 

People will only value you to the degree that you value yourself. An ability to walk away from less than you deserve is a major measurement of that.

 

Head high, move forward, and you will thank yourself later.

thank you

I know everyone thinks that I am not listening to them... but I am. I typed up a letter pouring out my soul and the next time I see him I'm going to read it. it's a goodbye.

I will keep everyone posted with how it goes.

Please, please do NOT read him the letter! That will make things so much worse. He does not need to know how much of a hold he has over you, particularly since he has had zero regard for your feelings.

No. Do Not Do This. Just end it with dignity not a manifesto. It makes you look bitter and silly. Journal your thoughts but stop trying to push his buttons or change him.

Your romance novel dream is that he listens to your words, takes pity on you, suddenly understands you and panics at the thought of your ending it, cries out after hearing all this... "But I love you" and you'll live happily ever after with this suddenly transformed jerk into prince charming.

I typed up a letter pouring out my soul and the next time I see him I'm going to read it.

Yikes. ok. I understand how that could be bad.

just stop talking to him?

Do you work together or go to school together? Why must you see him in person? For what reason are you doing all this?:

We are in contact now emailing and in person and are friends on Facebook again

No, neither. I'm having a difficult time letting go.

But he's not being a good relationship partner to you.

Is this relationship the way you always dreamed your happily ever after love relationship would be?

definitely not...

Do not read him that letter. You will lose all your dignity and he won't care, while you will be left hurt and cringing inwardly afterwards for having poured your heart out to a guy who isn't into you like that.

Yes, just stop talking to him. You don't need to say some final goodbye. Let him drift out of your life. You will regret it if you don't.

Reality..... with all of this up & down crap... what you've had with him is NOT stable... because he isn't :/.

So.. to save yourself, you need to walk.. and keep walking, tp save yourself! And self worth..self respect, etc.

This guy has shown you in the last year that he is NOT able to give you what you want & deserve.. you need to see it.

What has happened, is you've gotten emotionally attached to him.. and he's just been playing mind games. This no one

needs!

So... STOP all interactions.. and walk away.

Once you do, things can finally settle down for you and you can get on with your life, heal and be free to find

someone who is real and ready & able to give you what you deserve.

A real relationship...respect...love..etc. Then, you WILL feel better and appreciated.. this guy shows he can't.

Then respect yourself, get out of it, for good and move along.

He's the bugger.. he's a loser.. :/.

You deserve better.. please realize this.. do NOT play his game anymore.

You have so many wonderful opportunities and guys ahead of you. Letting go is hard, but it's the best thing in general in life that you can learn to do. Why not write out your letter, put it in a bottle and throw it out to sea as a symbolic exercise in letting go? Then say to yourself this chapter is over and now a new more exciting one is around the corner.

in our early 20’s.