I feel surprised that I've been a "good" friend to some people

I don't know who else to speak to about this as I am 1) not sure how to tell my friends about my dark, intimate relationships with other friends 2) I don't have a neutral party to discuss it with at the moment other than strangers on the internet.

A few years ago a casual friend from undergraduate school contacted me expressing how appreciative he was for how I treated him or communicated with him in the past. It was interesting because I didn't fully remember what he was referring to in the moment. I did not mark my memory with the moments he appreciated--but I remembered. He seemed depressed back then. I expressed empathy and (probably) expressed how I related to the feelings. I encouraged him to seek professional help at least in the form of discussing it with therapists and others. That was the last I recall of the matter. Some years later in college his temperment did change. I didn't ask any questions.

Now 10+ years later he said he was really gracious. Of course I felt touched and relieved that I may have offered something to him he valued.

So today, another friend contacted me about another conversation I had with him--a conversation I almost forgot. He wrote a brief message stating that he is now seeing a therapist and he thanked me for it. He stated he considers me a good friend for having encouraged him. He also stated that his initial reaction was anger. He was initially angry for telling him to seek help.

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This is all a bit overwhelming for me. To be honest these are not the only two examples. There are more that are nearly identical. I have this impression (which may be putting it lightly) that people take me very seriously when I discuss matters of depression, therapy, and counseling. I don't think I come off as someone naive to the topic in person because I am not. I don't believe I realized I would ever have a profound impact on these people's lives (even if I might've wanted to).

It makes me wonder if we sometimes fail to say the hard things we need to say to friends when in person. Sometimes we do have to sit quietly with them and tell them we care about their well being and we demand that they take care of themselves. It's just what I think I had to do in those moments.

"So, I'm going to a therapist. I want to thank you for being such a good friend. I didn't say anything about it because I was so angry with you about what you said. You are a true friend. Thank you."

It is all overwhelming.

That is so cool that you have touched their lives in that way. Probably even saved a few lives!

It really drives in the point that even a seemingly inconsequential conversation might have a profound effect on someone else's life.

And I think you are spot on that sometimes people just need someone to listen to them and show that at least one person cares.

I worked for a suicide helpline for several years, and one of the things I discovered was that you never really know what you're doing for other people... it's just a good thing to do your best - and it sounds as though you have!

I worked for a suicide helpline for several years, and one of the things I discovered was that you never really know what you're doing for other people... it's just a good thing to do your best - and it sounds as though you have!

Yes, I was about to say something similar: you never know the affect you have on other people. The smallest encouragement can be profound. It goes the same way, unfortunately, with insults and hostility.

And here's a good case in point. this friend probably had no idea that this statement would overwhelm you:

"So, I'm going to a therapist. I want to thank you for being such a good friend. I didn't say anything about it because I was so angry with you about what you said. You are a true friend. Thank you."

 

It is all overwhelming.

And here's a good case in point. this friend probably had no idea that this statement would overwhelm you:

That's a good point.