Does he want sex? How do i know?

This man is my BESTFRIEND in the whole world, we've been talking forever he was my first real friend at this new school (we are 17) and we've been with eachother soo much this summer going on little adventures. Friday, we decided to have a lowkey day due to a long work week, we were sitting on the floor watching tv and playing with his dogs when he kissed me. It wasn't just a kiss we ended up full on making out and feeling eachother up; i gave him a handjob but that's it. I had to go. We were texting and i told him i could've gone further to which he replied "i didn't wanna do anything you regret" (im a virgin). So now i'm confused, he said he wants to do it again but how do i know if he wants sex from me or not? Is me being a virgin a turn off?

Disclaimer: We do not have feelings for eachother, i am on the pill, we're responsible and smart and he treats me like freakin royalty, and i want sex.

It's not a turn off but he's worried that if he is your first you'll get attached and react to him more emotionally. Also if you're not going to use additional protection like a condom the pill isn't 100%. People want lots of things that may not be healthy for them at that time and they make choices to wait, to take a more disciplined approach.

If you just got on the pill, I believe you need to give it some time to be fully effective. Not sure.

If he’s getting hard with you, he wants sex.

It's not a turn off but he's worried that if he is your first you'll get attached and react to him more emotionally. Also if you're not going to use additional protection like a condom the pill isn't 100%. People want lots of things that may not be healthy for them at that time and they make choices to wait, to take a more disciplined approach.

Oh crap I didn't think of it in that way, i made it clear to him many times i don't want a relationship though just focus on graduation- he also knows that i want to save my virginity for someone i trust and he KNOWS i trust him. Also, 100% there will be a condom and the pill- i'm not messin around. I think this is pretty healthy considering i don't want a relationship and im a hormonal teen, this guy treats me like royalty and will bend over backwards for me. I want my first to be with someone i trust and at this point in my life sex is inevitable.

If you just got on the pill, I believe you need to give it some time to be fully effective. Not sure.

 

If he’s getting hard with you, he wants sex.

Yeah, i'm going on vacation so i wont see him for a while so i should be fine. I am just not sure if he doesn't want it or if he's respecting me- usually guys are a little bit more forward and rude about it haha

Oh crap I didn't think of it in that way, i made it clear to him many times i don't want a relationship though just focus on graduation- he also knows that i want to save my virginity for someone i trust and he KNOWS i trust him. Also, 100% there will be a condom and the pill- i'm not messin around. I think this is pretty healthy considering i don't want a relationship and im a hormonal teen, this guy treats me like royalty and will bend over backwards for me. I want my first to be with someone i trust and at this point in my life sex is inevitable.

No, it is not "inevitable" -it is a choice. Please do not have that mindset as you will regret it. My recommendation -wait for someone you trust and with whom you are in a committed, exclusive, serious relationship. How are you going to feel if you have sex with him and then your friend chats with you about his other kissing/sex partners - because friends do chat about that stuff.

This is the second post in two days. Do you really think you are ready for this?

Why not wait for someone you want a relationship with?

This is the second post in two days. Do you really think you are ready for this?

 

Why not wait for someone you want a relationship with?

I just have a lot of questions, sorry. My friends haven't been involved in anything like this and my parents are obviously people i can't talk to. I am just curious.

You wouldn't have made three different threads about him if you weren't pretty significantly emotionally invested. My guess is that he's not an idiot and sees it clearly enough. How do you know? You go for it. You get rejected or you don't. Again, he's probably aware of your emotional investment and may not be keen to make that big a move himself. Up to you whether you wanna try for it.

IMO, if you're the type to put so much stake in who your "first time" is with, then squandering it on someone you're not committed with is about as counter-intuitive as it gets. For the record, I'm not at all against NSA sex, but you need to be honest with yourself with regard to your emotional limitations.

I just have a lot of questions, sorry. My friends haven't been involved in anything like this and my parents are obviously people i can't talk to. I am just curious.

I'm glad you are reaching out, just be certain that you are ready.

You wouldn't have made three different threads about him if you weren't pretty significantly emotionally invested. My guess is that he's not an idiot and sees it clearly enough. How do you know? You go for it. You get rejected or you don't. Again, he's probably aware of your emotional investment and may not be keen to make that big a move himself. Up to you whether you wanna try for it.

 

IMO, if you're the type to put so much stake in who your "first time" is with, then squandering it on someone you're not committed with is about as counter-intuitive as it gets. For the record, I'm not at all against NSA sex, but you need to be honest with yourself with regard to your emotional limitations.

If I was emotionally invested I wouldn’t have sex with him unless I knew this was a monogamous relationship- the reason I’m posting so much is because I have nobody to talk to about this, my friends haven’t experienced something like this, my parents aren’t people I can talk to about this. I have so many questions but you don’t learn this in school, or from parents you learn it by making the mistakes- and I’m trying so hard not to make the mistakes.

Also, I want my first time to be with someone I trust and I trust him- never said it needed to be with someone I’m committed to, just someone who I know isn’t using me.

I was debating on whether or not to make this a new thread but I wanted new perspectives

My perspective. First evaluate your expectations about sex and all your expectations after sex. Since he is not your boyfriend what happens afterwards - will you get out of bed and perhaps use the restroom get dressed and leave? What if right after he just rolls over and goes to sleep and doesn’t cuddle with you? Or tells you he has to get some work done so thanks and see ya. Or he goes on his phone or computer and you see him chatting with other girls? What if the first time is not good or even bad? Is he someone you would want to try again with or communicate about how to make it better? Since you two are not in a relationship he might want to and he might not want to bother because he’ll just wait till he meets someone else he wants to be with.

When I was your age I wanted to have sex with my high school sweetheart. My mother talked me out of it because she thought I would regret it and might get pregnant. And she knew I had big plans for college and a career etc. this was over 35 years ago. I’m glad I didn’t. Great guy and lots of hormones and just not a good idea.

Just some things to thInk about. Good luck.

Lastly, since we want to continue things we may take them a step further and have sex. He will of course wear condoms but i want to get on birth control because you can never be too safe. How do i go about that?

^

This (above) was quoted in your thread from yesterday asking how to get on birth control. Yet, this thread from (today) you stated that you're on birth control.

Hopefully you're not playing us...

I thought you weren't sure how you were going to go about getting on birth control. Now you're suddenly already on "the pill"?

The same group of people read and respond to these threads so yes, we remember you from yesterday.

I think he will make it very clear he wants sex, btw.

He wants sex but is also considerate about your feelings. That's all.

I thought you weren't sure how you were going to go about getting on birth control. Now you're suddenly already on "the pill"?

 

The same group of people read and respond to these threads so yes, we remember you from yesterday.

 

I think he will make it very clear he wants sex, btw.

I’m not on the pill yet but I do have an appointment to be put on it. So I’m “almost on the pill” but by the time I see him next I will def be on the pill

^

This (above) was quoted in your thread from yesterday asking how to get on birth control. Yet, this thread from (today) you stated that you're on birth control.

 

Hopefully you're not playing us...

I just replied to someone else with this same question sorry! But I have a doctors appointment tomorrow to be put on it so by the time I see him I will be on the pill- I just didn’t want people telling me to get on the pill when I already had plans for that so I just said I was on it.

I just have a lot of questions, sorry. My friends haven't been involved in anything like this and my parents are obviously people i can't talk to. I am just curious.

What is holding you back from talking to your mom about this ? I'm genuinely curious. Most moms I know hope so much that when a time like this comes in their daughters lives, she'll feel comfortable enough and the relationship strong enough that she'll turn to her mom. You might be surprised at what you might learn about your mom if you give her a chance.

I remember being your age. Most of my friends had had sex, I had chosen not to. Part of it was watching my friends go through bad experiences with it- sounds like you haven't seen that happen to any of your friends and if they are having sex, they aren't sharing about it. Part of it was too, my mom was very liberal and open about talking about sex with me. I still remember her sitting me down at 14 to ask me if I wanted birth control. I concluded for myself I wanted to wait, and not bother with the added responsibilities on top of everything else I was dealing with in my teenage years, even though I had crazy hormones going through me too and I was pretty much boy crazy ;)

I think you mentioned your mom got pregnant at your age and has raised you in a more strict fashion? Even if she goes through some initial fear reactions on hearing you are considering having sex, she loves you and I'm sure she'd want to support you in figuring this whole thing out. Sure, it can be awkward and sometimes it's embarrassing, but I really encourage you not to shut her out now. You don't have to navigate alone .

But I have a doctors appointment tomorrow to be put on it

Oh, so did you ask your mom to take you? Sorry, it's a bit confusing because yesterday you said you had no way of getting to the doctor. :confused:

What is holding you back from talking to your mom about this ? I'm genuinely curious. Most moms I know hope so much that when a time like this comes in their daughters lives, she'll feel comfortable enough and the relationship strong enough that she'll turn to her mom. You might be surprised at what you might learn about your mom if you give her a chance.

 

I remember being your age. Most of my friends had had sex, I had chosen not to. Part of it was watching my friends go through bad experiences with it- sounds like you haven't seen that happen to any of your friends and if they are having sex, they aren't sharing about it. Part of it was too, my mom was very liberal and open about talking about sex with me. I still remember her sitting me down at 14 to ask me if I wanted birth control. I concluded for myself I wanted to wait, and not bother with the added responsibilities on top of everything else I was dealing with in my teenage years, even though I had crazy hormones going through me too and I was pretty much boy crazy ;)

 

I think you mentioned your mom got pregnant at your age and has raised you in a more strict fashion? Even if she goes through some initial fear reactions on hearing you are considering having sex, she loves you and I'm sure she'd want to support you in figuring this whole thing out. Sure, it can be awkward and sometimes it's embarrassing, but I really encourage you not to shut her out now. You don't have to navigate alone .

I would tell her but she shuts me out; whenever i try to talk to her about something simple she doesn't want to hear it- she used to be my bestfriend and I still respect her as such, but she's not someone who lets me into her life anymore nor does she show any interest in mine. Plus, this guy is just a friend who i want to occasionally fool around with; she's already so convinced we are a couple so i feel that will feed into it.

Oh, so did you ask your mom to take you? Sorry, it's a bit confusing because yesterday you said you had no way of getting to the doctor. :confused:

I should've updated everyone on that thread didn't think anyone would care. My aunt offered to take me after I told her that he kissed me. I would've felt uncomfortable asking her, but she offered.

Having a look at the 3 threads you've created about this, I would really strongly advise you against having sex with him.

Emotionally, I don't think you're ready for sex with someone who isn't your boyfriend. Yes, I understand you trust him and you've talked about this with him. However, I see that you are already quite anxious about it (which is totally normal, and not a criticism) so I do question your ability to have sex with him and remain emotionally detached from him. I don't think it's going to be as simple as you believe, especially as it will be your first time. You need to stop and think of how you will feel if you continue to have sex with him and then find out he's dating someone, or has had sex with someone else. Please, do not discount those as possibilities. Really ask yourself if you're prepared to hear that. My sense is that you're not, which is okay, but I think you are not really looking around corners here.

I applaud you for taking steps to prevent pregnancy and STIs. But, considering your inexperience with sex and the confusing feelings it can generate when you're not used to it, I would wait until you meet someone with whom you have an actual relationship.

Having a look at the 3 threads you've created about this, I would really strongly advise you against having sex with him.

 

Emotionally, I don't think you're ready for sex with someone who isn't your boyfriend. Yes, I understand you trust him and you've talked about this with him. However, I see that you are already quite anxious about it (which is totally normal, and not a criticism) so I do question your ability to have sex with him and remain emotionally detached from him. I don't think it's going to be as simple as you believe, especially as it will be your first time. You need to stop and think of how you will feel if you continue to have sex with him and then find out he's dating someone, or has had sex with someone else. Please, do not discount those as possibilities. Really ask yourself if you're prepared to hear that. My sense is that you're not, which is okay, but I think you are not really looking around corners here.

 

I applaud you for taking steps to prevent pregnancy and STIs. But, considering your inexperience with sex and the confusing feelings it can generate when you're not used to it, I would wait until you meet someone with whom you have an actual relationship.

I second this post in its entirety. I too have read all three of your threads and the more you post, the more I get a strong feeling that you are NOT ready for sex. Like MissCanuck, I don't feel you are emotionally ready at all. You're doing the right thing by looking into birth control etc, but I would strongly recommend you wait a while longer.

As for your aunt taking you to see a doctor: She's taking you just because you mentioned the guy kissed you? That's just weird (to me). Do you trust her enough not to tell your mom? It wouldn't surprise me at all if that's the first thing she does - goes and tells your mother.

I don’t think you’re ready for sex either based on your posts and also that you call this guy your best friend.

This can’t be NSA sex since you already have an emotional connection as friends. Be ready to risk losing this friendship if you have sex. It will get awkward and feelings will be involved. Not only that but if he gets a gf or goes on dates with other girls be ready for him to phase you out to avoid making it awkward with these new girls.

Literally everyone says “we are such good friends, that’ll never happen!” And it always always does.

Can you handle that?

Not only that but (personally) sex without that emotional connection and trust in a relationship sucks. It’s just meh in my experience.

It's irrelevant. Learn right now not to throw yourself at boys and act this desperate and insecure, even if they are your best friends. Stop begging for sex. He doesn't owe you that as your experiment.

Also boys don't like you more if you pretend all you want is sex but in fact your feelings are growing so much that his every move, thought, words and feelings are being analysed. Maybe it's not all about you and your parental issues. Perhaps he's shy or has his own reservations or just is not that into you.

Stop trying to impress him. Turn this around where you are in control. Allow things to happen naturally.

We were texting and i told him i could've gone further. he said he wants to do it again but how do i know if he wants sex from me or not? Is me being a virgin a turn off?