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Thread: I dont know what else to do whats wrong with me, Ive lost everything

  1. #1
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    I dont know what else to do whats wrong with me, Ive lost everything

    im 23, male

    So before all of this i was a happy go lucky person, always happy had an okay job, a place to call my home, living on my own, good friends.

    But a number of things have happened to me within the last 3 months that has changed me and I'm scared.

    first thing, my job became unbearable making me unhappy. so i decided to quit, and make my own company. i emptied my entire savings into this and it failed. Im left Broke with nothing to call my own, and with rent and bills over my head, struggling where im going to get my next meal, before i sell my possessions just to pay my way, for the mean time until i get another job.

    second thing, my childhood best friend who ive always been close too for more than 10 years, we once were close enough to be called a couple and be in a relationship but that didnt work out, but we still stayed friends as it wasnt the right time, recently we both got back in contact and i showed her that i still had feelings for her, and that i can honestly say ive loved her since the day i met her. but she completely broke me, saying she does not want anything like that, and that we shouldnt talk anymore, we have been talking almost every day for 10 years. that hurts.

    so now im sat at 4:45am trying to convince myself this isnt as bad as it seems, but my day consists of trying to stay up as late as possible thinking about other things watching films till i collapse. because i cant bare to be in my own thoughts trying to get to sleep. every night i stare at the walls of my room empty. in silence till i collapse under the deprivation of sleep.

    I cant get out of bed anymore, im so drained, i dont eat anything anymore, nothing makes me happy. Ive taken up smoking cigarettes, i hate it, but it takes me away from the situation im in, and im trying my best to snap out of this feeling but i cant stop! i have my moments where im really happy but then i come crashing down so hard, back to the same situation.

    ive gone from a happy go lucky guy to wondering if waking up is even a choice i want to make, everything is so bad. Ive lost everything i feel.

    And i dont want to say this but there isnt a day that goes past anymore that i dont feel like "whats the point in this" all im going to do is scrape through life and event to nothing, i dont want to be trapped in my own head anymore.
    I just need a sign that things are getting better. but they never do. All my friends moved away from my home city and im here alone with nobody. no family no friends Nothing!

    What the do i do! Im scaring myself even now thinking about it all.

    I cant get her out my head.

  2. #2
    Gold Member Delacrank's Avatar
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    I don't want to make this seem simply but really it is just simple. You need a friend. That's basically the real problem here, you are lonely and occupying your mind with thoughts rather experiences with other people. I suffered from depression and these sorts of situations: insomnia, financial trouble, lady troubles its all meaningless in the end.

    These sorts of problems will always plague you whether you are 23 or 93. Probably worse as you get older because you become less physically and mentally equipped to handle them. You need to just start creating a space where you can socialize with other people and do it in a healthy way, where you listen to others and that distracts you from yourself, not where you complain about your own problems (that will probably push most people away).

    The money, the girls all of this stuff comes and goes. I'm 32 now, so yeah you will have many loves and heart breaks and this is all good, these should be looked backed as experiences. You need to fail to succeed sometimes. It gets better, if you want you can try this little trick I used to do before in order to help me feel better about my life.

    Say ten things which you have which are going good for yourself in the morning, repeat this at night and do this everyday for at least 2 weeks. If you don't feel better after this period of time and trying to make friends, etc. maybe you could try therapy. This could just be a simple cause of negative bias where you focus on thinking negative thoughts all the time, and that can be pretty depressing.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member Chai's Avatar
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    Hey AGNP,

    In my life I have found that both structure (of a job, study, volunteering, etc), and social contact (friends, family, connections), are some of the most important elements in a healthy and rewarding life. I am wondering if maybe you are staying up all night stressing because you are not using up that energy in the day, and I would really encourage you to put as much as possible energy during the day to find a new job. When you have some money coming in, and you can meet your basic needs, then I think that you can move onto thinking about other aspects of your life that you want to improve.

    It is admirable that you want to go out on your own and start your own business, but that kind of thing requires planning and some expertise in marketing / business etc. What was the business that you poured your money into?

    I can hear that you are really upset about losing your friend, and I guess you will need to go through some process of grief and loss about this, with all the different stages until you reach acceptance. I just really think that you should put this to one side until you have a more stable foundation under your feet.

    It makes my heart sing that the poster above @Delacrank suggests that financial stability comes and goes, and friendships likewise. I have a friend like this too, who has never worried about money. In my experience, when things get wobbly like that, it is possible to get into a downward spiral that can take years to recover from. I would hate to see you lose your home. I think that baseline foundation is really important, and I think your energy would be best spent looking for a job.

    Suicide is a scary thought. Do you have any real intentions in this regard? If so, I would really encourage you to seek help locally to you. When I have been suicidal in the past, it was always a 'purpose' and something positive to do with my life as well as human contact that lifted me out of that hole. There is a ladder out of that hole. Climb out of the hole, don't keep digging it!

    Let us know how you are going :-)

    I wish I could help more! Does reaching out help?
    Chai

  4. #4
    Gold Member kathy679's Avatar
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    Hi AGNP.
    Do you live in the uk? If so there is a website called meetups where you join groups in your area and meet up with like minded people. Also if there is nothing there you fancy you can make your own group and people will show their interest. Its a great way to meet new people. If you live else where there may be similar websites that do these sort of things?

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