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My ex wife and I separated five years ago (together for 7). No paperwork has ever been filed, but where we live after a certain amount of time of not living together you're considered legally separated.

 

She started dating another girl shortly after our romantic relationship ended and they are still together despite many breakups. We've remained close friends for the majority of this time that we've been separated.

 

She sometimes in my opinion crosses a line with some of the questions she asks. She randomly asks if I'm dating anyone, if I've been physical with anyone, if I'm interested in other genders, etc.

 

I've always answered her honestly ( no ) and she never believes me and accuses me of lying to her. I've tried another approach of telling her it's none of her business if I'm dating and she should concentrate on her own relationship. I've also asked her why she insists on wanting to know.

 

Divorce has only ever come up twice before. Once when she was angry with me and once when her girlfriend was preassuring her.

She insisted that the only reason she hasn't filed is because she was concerned for my well being and wanted to do it when I was in a happy and healthy relationship.

 

Fast forward to the last few months and there has been next to no contact which is very uncommon for us. About 3 months ago she told me she wanted to get the divorce filed and asked if I would give her our marriage certificate so she didn't have to pay for a new one. I complied.

 

She then messaged me about a month and a half to 2 months ago saying she was filing.

I've called around to the different court houses in my city, her city and surrounding cities and none of them have any record of her filing for divorce yet

 

Fast forward to this last weekend and her girlfriend posted on Instagram about them getting engaged.

 

I guess my "question" or whatever is how am I suppose to feel.

 

I completely understand that this is a happy moment for them and they want to share with friends and family and people who support them. I also completely understand that she is not required to tell me.

 

Part of me wants her to tell me herself but at the same time I don't even know what I'd say.

Congratulations seems like the most reasonable answer but it wouldn't be genuine.

 

It's not them getting engaged that's making me feel some sort of way, it's more that she hasn't told me.

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Are you following her and her girlfriend on Instagram?

 

You aren't "supposed" to feel any certain kind of way. Your feelings are valid. But, I presume at some point she WILL tell you because she kind of has to.

 

Maybe she thought if she told you herself you would react with tears, recriminations, declarations of undying love, etc. After all, she seems to think you're still in love with her.

 

If she does end up telling you, I'd recommend you simply respond with "Thank you for letting me know. I presume the divorce filing will be in my mailbox shortly".

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I do have her and her girlfriend on IG.

Her gf and I don't have any bad blood. In fact one of the many times they've gotten in a fight her girlfriend left and came to my house to talk to me about it. On another occasion when they were fighting my ex spent the night on my couch because she couldn't stay at home with the gf.

 

They've come over together many times just to hang out,we've exchanged Christmas gifts etc. Our relationship isn't like that anymore but it was.

 

Thank you for your input. I think if she does tell me she will be expecting me to say congrats but I think saying thank you for letting me know is a good idea.

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You're right I did have a boyfriend. I've been in two one year relationships since ending the marriage. She was aware of those relationships. I've never lied to her about any relationship or anything.

 

As for me filing for divorce - not happening. Us being divorced or not has no bearing on my life at all. Nothing changes if we have that divorced title or not. My life continues to be the same. So I have no desire to spend the money on a divorce.

 

I was upfront and told her that I was happy to comply with giving her the marriage certificate and if the papers come to my house I'll sign them - but I am not doing anything or going anywhere or paying anything to make this divorce happen.

 

It would be different if I was the one in a relationship getting married and needing to be divorced... but I'm not, it's her. Therefor she can make it happen.

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You are kidding yourself if you think staying legally married to her has no affect on your life. Just read your words above.

 

You are clearly still emotionally connected to her whether you want admit it or not. Finally ending this relationship for good will bring closure to you both so you can get on with your life.

 

By the way if she files for divorce you still will have to pay your half. What you say? Yes each person on the petition pays their share so you are going to be out about 300 to 400 bucks. When she files you will be served legally of the filing and you will get so many number of days to respond.

 

 

Call the county where you live or she lives and ask them how much it costs to file for divorce and then start saving for it. Remember you may be legally liable for any costs she runs up since you have not filed for divorce or legal separation.

 

Lost

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

I am a little late to this post but I found it because I am currently processing a ton of feelings about filing my divorce papers. Anger, bitterness, jealousy, envy, sadness, hatred, loss. All things I thought I had dealt (we had been separated for 2 years) with but that started creeping up on me again after we filed the paperwork. There is something about the finality of the divorce that brings all of that stuff up...

 

I can imagine the engagement and divorce may trigger a lot of feelings, good bad or indifferent. Your feelings are your feelings, no one can say right or wrong what you should be feeling... my only advice is to not resist them and just ride them out because in the end it will help you let them go.

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Yes it is different in Canada, its cheaper than in the states.

 

"In total, court fees are $447 to obtain a divorce in Ontario. The first payment of $167 is due when the application for divorce is filed which includes court fees of $157 and $10 that is collected for the federal Department of Justice. Additional court fees of $280 are paid before the divorce is reviewed by the court."

 

You only have to pay $167 when you file and then pay the balance later. I am sure you can come up with $167 to put this behind you.

 

It seems you want to hang on for some reason only you know. There are many reasons to end this and only one not to.

 

Good luck

 

Lost

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Yes it is different in Canada, its cheaper than in the states.

 

"In total, court fees are $447 to obtain a divorce in Ontario. The first payment of $167 is due when the application for divorce is filed which includes court fees of $157 and $10 that is collected for the federal Department of Justice. Additional court fees of $280 are paid before the divorce is reviewed by the court."

 

You only have to pay $167 when you file and then pay the balance later. I am sure you can come up with $167 to put this behind you.

 

I don't think I paid that much, and I'm in the states. Maybe if varies by state, and how complicated the divorce is?

 

But to the OP, emotions are not unusual when triggers occur, such as changes or anniversaries that bring up memories. But, take any emotions you feel and harness them into motivation to move on, make changes, target arriving at a new more joyous you.

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