How to announce wedding to parents

Hi there,

I've been with my boyfriend (M28) for more than 2 years and a half. It will be 3 years in december. I am 22 years old (F). I have been on and off LD with him due to work/immigration issue (when I say on/off, I mean we were living together during 3/4 months, then back LD, then back living together). We are getting sick of the long distance so we decided to get married to finally be able to close the distance and to settle together.

When I tried telling my mom that I'm considering getting married, she did not react very well telling me that I was too young and that I should enjoy my youth before settling. She told me I didn't know my boyfriend because of the time we were LD.

She thinks he might take advantage of my citizenship and said he did not look enough addicted to me to be my husband (some sorts of bad arguments to try to discourage me).

My fiancé is a good man. He sure has some flaws, but I love him like he is. My parents have made the war with me since the beginning of my relationship due to the fact that he is from another nationality and older than me even if he has always been super kind with them. They never really accepted him in the family and I'm not so sure of how to invite them to my wedding now.

I'm planning it slowly but it would be for next year. So I need to announce them soon I guess. I was thinking of just giving them the invitation at christmas time but I'm not sure that is the good way to do it. I'm kind of scared to have to face another war with them concerning the wedding, which is sad because I've always had a great relationship with them.

Any advices on how to proceed would be greatly appreciated.

How long have the two of you been in the same location?

Has this issue been resolved?

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=550990

Did your sex life change?

We have lived over 1 year full time together on these 2 years and a half. I was with him all summer and I'm about to go back in my hometown now. We should be back together sometimes in november or december.

Our sex life is still bad, but he said it's only related to his diabetes. We talked about taking hormones to help him but he is too scared of the bad effects linked to testosterone.

We will probably discuss that issue with an endocrinologist whenever he gets an appointment if I get the chance to go with him.

I would not hide if you are officially engaged. Has he proposed and given you a ring? If yes, then it is official. Share it and be joyful and excited as you should be!

Hiding from them that you are engaged only validates your mom's "arguments", that you are too young and not emotionally mature for marriage.

As far as their reaction - you cannot control how they react. But you can control how you respond to their reactions. If they express fear for your well being, then give them hugs and thank them for loving you. Reassure them that they brought you up right.

Tell them that you are at a point where you are making your own decisions - and some may work out, and some may not. And you will learn from it. Tell them that you love them, and you want their support and love - even when they don't agree with you.

However the conversation goes, do not get sucked into a fight or argument. Stay calm and resolved, but listen to their fears. And maybe they do have some valid points you might consider.

Is he planning to live in your country after you get married? What about jobs? How will you support yourselves? Have you discussed children? In which country will future children be citizens?

You might consider looking into legal protections before taking the plunge - just in case. I do know a couple that got married, had children, and when they got divorced some years later the dad tried to take the children to his home country (never to return). None of us thought he would ever be that way. Ever.

Another's marriage ended up being abusive. Again, he was quite charming before they got married. But - that could happen with any marriage.

The fact is - at your age you are an adult. Hopefully you are on your own and fully supporting yourself.

Don't live your life in fear of what others think. Make your decisions and be confident in them.

he wanted an adventurous girlfriend that would not be scared to move for him and to go on a road trip if he wanted

What happens when you change -- when you are the woman who wants a cozy night in, and you have a child - so you don't want to leave them with someone so you can go on a road trip. he put up an objection and you basically said"well, I am that adventurous girl" And you will stick to this relationship no matter what anyone says - even if its bad for you. This man already has diabetes at 28 - he can't be leading a healthy lifestyle. Are you okay with a man who has an illness that usually comes in older age already? I am sure if he was just diagnosed its not type one that you are born with.

I agree with mom - you should wait awhile to get married. Even if you ultimately decide to be with him in the end. Wait two more years.

Have you ever dated anyone else?

Has he agreed to seek treatment for his sexual issues?

Are you willing to accept a lifetime of an unsatisfying sex life? Perhaps 60 years?

So there wise posters looked at your history. I would seriously consider all issues before taking the plunge. Marriage will not solve them.

Also, I forgot to say in my last post that I was surprised at how you phrased the news that you are getting married :

"We are getting sick of the long distance so we decided to get married to finally be able to close the distance and to settle together. "

I think I would expect more joy and excitement! Like - we just love each other so much that...

Also, are you still in school? Good to get that out of the way, and a career going, before you take the plunge.

I know you only asked for advice about getting the news to your parents. I still stand by that - if you are mature enough to get married, you can handle their reactions in a loving mature way.

He does have type 1 diabetes. He takes care of what he eats and is fit for his age. He got really sick last year and doctors told him it was type 1. He is a skinny man (not obese or anything). We looked into type 2 but the diagnosis was right with type 1.

"We are getting sick of the long distance so we decided to get married to finally be able to close the distance and to settle together. "

I think I would expect more joy and excitement! Like - we just love each other so much that...

.

Then someone apply to work in the other one's country. And don't live with eachother. See how he really is when he is not on vacation mode. This guy also has a tendency towards depression so you have to figure things out with that too

We both live in the same country, but in different parts of the country. My province has different immigration policy which makes it impossible for him to move close from me unless we get sponsorship.

I cannot move to his place permanently as I'm starting a master degree at the same time as working and my degree is not offer where he lives.

Plus whenever we get to live together, we are not in vacation. I am living with him right now and working full time 6 days out of 7. We live like a normal couple except apart when I go to school.

For the sexual part, we will discuss of the issue with the endo whenever we can get an appointment.

English isn't my first language. So sorry if I did not phrase stuff the good way. I do am excited to be married with him. I love this man and try to do my best to close the distance and nourish what we have.

So are you saying if you get married he would be allowed to move to your province?

He does have type 1 diabetes. He takes care of what he eats and is fit for his age. He got really sick last year and doctors told him it was type 1. He is a skinny man (not obese or anything). We looked into type 2 but the diagnosis was right with type 1.

Since Type 1 diabetes requires insulin, is he being closely monitored? Either way, I do agree with other posters, as in giving this more time before deciding to take the plunge.

Yep, by getting married, he will be allowed to move to my province.

And yes, he has a continuous glucose monitor instead of using the stips which helps him to get a good blood sugar level all the time. Once he moves close to me, the endocrinologist we met about 6 months ago will take him as a regular patient. So, he will be under good hands.

Is he receiving regular medical care in his own province? Why can't he address the sexual issues with his current doctor?

He goes for health tests every two or three months as his job depends of his health, but he does not currently have a family doctor where he is as he lives up north where the ressources are very limited. That's why he does not address the sexual issue yet. The doctor here will not accept to offer any follow up. His endocrinologist lives where i live. So, she will follow him more closely whenever he moves.

He goes for health tests every two or three months as his job depends of his health, but he does not currently have a family doctor where he is as he lives up north where the ressources are very limited. That's why he does not address the sexual issue yet. The doctor here will not accept to offer any follow up. His endocrinologist lives where i live. So, she will follow him more closely whenever he moves.

But you'd have to marry him first, am I correct?

Yes you are correct.

I cannot move to his place permanently as I'm starting a master degree at the same time as working and my degree is not offer where he lives.

...

I am living with him right now and working full time 6 days out of 7.

I strongly do not recommend getting married until you're close to finishing or have finished graduate school. You already have your plate full by working a full-time job. I got married while in graduate school and was both a full-time student and worker, and it was insanely difficult. I never had to work so hard in my life until I decided to get my master's degree. You are in a different ballpark with higher expectations in comparison to being an undergraduate. I could not enjoy being a newlywed during the first year of my marriage because I was doing internships, taking classes, and working at the same time. I had to put many things off just to focus on graduating with a high GPA. My social life and intimacy were practically nonexistent. My honeymoon had to be postponed up to a year and a half because I didn't have the time to take off while being in the middle of an internship that didn't allow me to take even a week off (if I missed more than three days I was kicked out of the program).

In one of your threads, you complained about intimacy failing. If you are having sex issues now, just wait until you add the demands of your education. I hardly had any time for intimacy with my newly husband and it put a strain on our marriage. The only thing that saved us was being together for so long prior and him having the patience of a saint (which none of you have). Any wise person who has been married will be honest with you on this: your first year of marriage will be one of the TOUGHEST milestones of your life.

I get the frustration of being in a LDR. My husband and I have been in an LDR many times off and on for a few years before settling- we waited for almost 10 years to decide we were ready for marriage and looking back, it was worth the wait. You may not have to wait that long, but I agree that you are not in a stable place to get married at the moment with work, grad school, and unresolved personal issues. The only reasons you expressed to get married is to help him with health benefits and close the gap, yet there are other issues at hand that marriage will not resolve. Please think this through and focus on finalizing your education as he works on his own issues. I've had classmates who had to drop out of graduate school because they couldn't keep up with the demands on top of a personal life. You seem like a very intelligent young lady, but I think you need to give yourself a chance to settle in with graduate school while balancing work before making any further commitments.

If you eloped for logistical reasons and they cautioned you against it for very valid reasons, it will be difficult. But if you are happy all you can do is invite them when the time comes.

we decided to get married to finally be able to close the distance and to settle together. She thinks he might take advantage of my citizenship. My parents have made the war with me since the beginning of my relationship due to the fact that he is from another nationality. I'm kind of scared to have to face another war with them concerning the wedding.