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Here's the update! And now I want your help to detox from him, forever!


Elavohra

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I dated a guy on WhatsApp for about two weeks and he decided to end that because he feels I am getting way too attached to him, pretty weird he wanted me to date him and was kept on asking me unless I said yes! We chatted for two weeks and he began feeling suffocated and strangled it seems. So he called off everything between us, after two days we talked again and today, just before half an hour he said "I got so very attached in a little span of time, if we would have stayed longer god knows what would have happened"- this was like a slap on my face, a very tight slap! It's hurting me like anything. I don't know what to say or what to do!

All I want to do is forget him forever!

I feel such a fool, an immature, an uneducated, disgusting woman!

PS: when I told him- "you wanted me to date, I dated you, you wanted to quit things between us, I let you do so, you wanted us to be friends, I am friend with you, now you want me to not talk to you... why do you take all the decisions own on your own?"

To this he said- this is who I am! And it's good to be apart"

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If he called everything off, why do you still stay in contact? I would think deleting his messages and blocking him would have been the way to go.

 

Or did you still have "hope"?

 

And you are not any of the names you called yourself. Please don't beat yourself up, we've all made dating mistakes.

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If he called everything off, why do you still stay in contact? I would think deleting his messages and blocking him would have been the way to go.

 

Or did you still have "hope"?

 

When he called things off, he texted me the next day, so we began talking.. sometimes he talks well and sometimes he talked nonchalant!

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How many times did you meet him in person?

 

We studied together for 4 months in late 2016, but we didn't talk much at that point of time. He had a crush on me and he tried to ask me, but he got to know that I was in a relationship at that point of time. But after almost 1.5 years he asked me to date since I am single now, but now we're living in different states!

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So how were you suppose to date each other?

 

Don't waste your time. This guy is crazy

 

Yes, we were supposed to date and see things work out between us or not, but he said I got way too attached to him in just over two weeks and he can't commit anything. So, he wants to quit everything.

It was gonna be a long distance relationship!

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I don't mean any disrespect, but the amount of people posting on here about romances that (a) don't even last a month and (b) are conducted solely over apps is kind of staggering.

 

Two weeks is simply not nearly enough time for this level of drama, and it might be worth taking a moment to ask what's going on here, why you're so bent on engaging this intensely with a screen person. It seems people are so eager to be dating someone that they'll call texting a near stranger dating, and then go through the rollercoaster ride of breaking up before they've even gotten, um, together. To me this is mistaking drama for depth, "connection" for connection.

 

I mean, I've been seeing someone for the past three weeks. We hang out, talk life, laugh, have lots of sex. In other words, some real life, 3D, IRL stuff. It's a lot of fun! It's real! And you know what it isn't? DRAMATIC. We're both pretty clear that it's early, we're still very much just getting to know each other, and we'll see where it goes. If she texted me today saying she can't see me anymore I wouldn't even really consider it breaking up. It would just mean we never quite found the footing to start dating more seriously.

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I don't mean any disrespect, but the amount of people posting on here about romances that (a) don't even last a month and (b) are conducted solely over apps is kind of staggering.

 

Two weeks is simply not nearly enough time for this level of drama, and it might be worth taking a moment to ask what's going on here, why you're so bent on engaging this intensely with a screen person. It seems people are so eager to be dating someone that they'll call texting a near stranger dating, and then go through the rollercoaster ride of breaking up before they've even gotten, um, together. To me this is mistaking drama for depth, "connection" for connection.

 

I mean, I've been seeing someone for the past three weeks. We hang out, talk life, laugh, have lots of sex. In other words, some real life, 3D, IRL stuff. It's a lot of fun! It's real! And you know what it isn't? DRAMATIC. We're both pretty clear that it's early, we're still very much just getting to know each other, and we'll see where it goes. If she texted me today saying she can't see me anymore I wouldn't even really consider it breaking up. It would just mean we never quite found the footing to start dating more seriously.

 

Firstly, he is not a stranger to me, we studied together.

Secondly, i myself don't consider it a break up since we just dated for two weeks. But I am upset over the things he said to me. Like, how am I suppose to date a person? Emotionless?

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I don't understand! You spoke to this guy for a mere two weeks, and you can't get over him? HUH.

 

You haven't even dated.

 

Have you sought counseling for your attachment issues?

 

Block and delete.

 

Do you have any social life or friends?

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It's all good.

 

I'm certainly not advocating for emotionless dating, and it sucks that he hurt your feelings with some words. So take a minute to process that, while cutting him out so you can have space to engage with someone on your level and who, you know, is more than a potential fantasy fueled by green bubbles on a black screen and some lingering what-if memories from 1.5 years ago.

 

It's just far too easy to make wild statements over text, be they full of rainbow-tinged enthusiasm or laced with thoughtless cruelty, and in both cases we can find ourselves running with a story that doesn't really have basis in reality. Texting is a decent icebreaker, and nice way to stay in touch once you've established something real, but it can't be the foundation of anything. It's just people using people as mirrors and calling it connection.

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I am confused about how you date on an app. What does that mean, exactly?

 

As I read it, you two have never actually been on a date.

 

I totally agree with you.. and this is why I am wondering how come he can say that I am way too attached to him just because I texted him often because I had actually enjoyed texting him. His words have hurt me nothing else. It's like putting an allegations against me for the things I didn't do because in reality that's actually not so. I did text him a lot, behaved like a typical girlfriend as well but all I was trying to do is know him better. Because besides texting I just couldn't know him well and decide to fix a date to meet him in real.

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I don;t understand! You spoke to this guy for a mere two weeks, and you can't get over him? HUH.

 

You haven't even met or dated. He is a stranger.

 

Have you sought counseling for your attachment issues?

 

Block and delete.

 

Do you have any social life or friends?

 

I was over him! I didn't text him after he finished the things between us, he was the one who texted me and I got carried away again, I agree to that!

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It's all good.

 

I'm certainly not advocating for emotionless dating, and it sucks that he hurt your feelings with some words. So take a minute to process that, while cutting him out so you can have space to engage with someone on your level and who, you know, is more than a potential fantasy fueled by green bubbles on a black screen and some lingering what-if memories from 1.5 years ago.

 

It's just far too easy to make wild statements over text, be they full of rainbow-tinged enthusiasm or laced with thoughtless cruelty, and in both cases we can find ourselves running with a story that doesn't really have basis in reality. Texting is a decent icebreaker, and nice way to stay in touch once you've established something real, but it can't be the foundation of anything. It's just people using people as mirrors and calling it connection.

 

I am so glad that you understood. And now I need your help to not text or miss him forever. Elavohra is dead for him! That way!

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Block and delete him. "Miss him forever." I'm sorry, but you are being very dramatic over someone you barely know.

 

Do you have an active social life and friends?

 

No, I don't and I don't even want to have one! "Miss him forever" not like really miss him thing, but the way he behaved that way I meant. I don't want him in my mind at all!

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You have no social life. This is the problem, as you put an unusual amount of energy into men. If you had other things happening in your life, you would not be so fixated on this nothing relationship.

 

Why would you not want friends and a social life?

 

Block and delete. Move on.

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I totally agree with you.. and this is why I am wondering how come he can say that I am way too attached to him just because I texted him often because I had actually enjoyed texting him. His words have hurt me nothing else. It's like putting an allegations against me for the things I didn't do because in reality that's actually not so. I did text him a lot, behaved like a typical girlfriend as well but all I was trying to do is know him better. Because besides texting I just couldn't know him well and decide to fix a date to meet him in real.

 

But you weren't his girlfriend, OP. If you were behaving like a typical girlfriend, it is too much. You refer to this as dating in this thread, but it wasn't dating. It was texting. Wanting to get to know a person is one thing; calling it "dating" when there have been zero dates is something else.

 

I don't think you're disgusting or stupid or any of things you said you are, but I do think he's probably correct that you were too attached and expecting too much. What did you mean when you said you behaved like a typical girlfriend, anyway? Can you give us an idea of how frequently you were texting him and what kinds of things you were saying?

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You have no social life. This is the problem, as you put an unusual amount of energy into men. If you had other things happening in your life, you would not be so fixated on this nothing relationship.

 

Why would you not want friends and a social life?

 

Block and delete. Move on.

 

I am 26 year old, though I meet many people, but I like to keep my circle small. My father is in the air force so you know, I have changed many schools. Right now, I am in a phase where I am more into clearing my exam to get a job! I don't want to have distractions at all but this guy was persuading me, so I thought of giving him a chance and tried to know him and see where things will go. I will resume my social circles as soon as I get settled career wise.

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But you weren't his girlfriend, OP. If you were behaving like a typical girlfriend, it is too much. You refer to this as dating in this thread, but it wasn't dating. It was texting. Wanting to get to know a person is one thing; calling it "dating" when there have been zero dates is something else.

 

I don't think you're disgusting or stupid or any of things you said you are, but I do think he's probably correct that you were too attached and expecting too much. What did you mean when you said you behaved like a typical girlfriend, anyway? Can you give us an idea of how frequently you were texting him and what kinds of things you were saying?

 

I did text him, but I don't think I have texted him that much where he has framed the opinion of me being too attached to him. He was more into having intimacy talks and I was more into trying to know him besides this side of him. Once he couldn't talk to me because he needed to entertain his guests so I have had texted I miss you and oh yeah! That day, coincidentally on Instagram my feed was filled with lots and lots of quotes and I happened to share with him quite a few of them and had said Hope we would have got time to text each other. Later after that, next morning when he got rid of his guests we had a romantic talk for a while and then things got a little intense because he still have feelings for his ex (he's single from past 3 years) and we argued to which he said he didn't miss me at all past two days. And he decided to quit things between us.

Rest only he knows, how typical girlfriend I was. Because over text you can assume anyone, anything!.

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Honestly, the more you say, the more it sounds like you and he were on two completely different pages.

 

He was into "intimacy" talks, which I assume means sexting. Is that correct? Then he tells you he still has feelings for his ex, after 3 years. This guy wasn't looking for something serious from you, by the sounds of it. He was having a bit a fun but not really looking to date.

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