One step at a time

LDR. For 2 years we've been visiting each other cities every few months or so. It's kinda complicated and we can talked about kinds of things except about relationship.

We enjoy each other company alot. So late one night, I asked him if he's actually seeing me just for fun. He said no. Said maybe to take one step at a time.

I'm surprised with that reply and the conversation just ended there.

What does he mean?

You call this an LDR, but he's not actually your boyfriend, correct? How do you know him, and how far apart are you?

If you've been doing this for 2 years and not once discussed being in a relationship, I am inclined to believe he's not interested in one. After this long, you should have already taken several steps.

You call this an LDR, but he's not actually your boyfriend, correct? How do you know him, and how far apart are you?

 

If you've been doing this for 2 years and not once discussed being in a relationship, I am inclined to believe he's not interested in one. After this long, you should have already taken several steps.

EDIT: Same man? In 2017, you said you'd been seeing him for 2 years. If it's the same person, wouldn't that make it 3 years now? Unless you've got a couple long-distance love interests?

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=543771

Do you think he's dodging the question to keep the status quo? What do you want out of this? Isn't 2 years a long time for a LDR particularly if you only see each other every few months? How many slow baby steps do you want to take with this?

For 2 years we've been visiting each other cities every few months or so. Said maybe to take one step at a time.

So you're suggesting that maybe the relationship is more than just for fun. That he feels something more than just FWB.

I'm guessing you didn't have that talk back in November about being exclusive. You know, neither of you are getting any younger. You said he's in his 40's and never married. They say if a guy didn't get married before age 40, he's never going to get married.

Looking back through your posts, he's kept the relationship the same since your first post in January of 2017. Each time you've written in, you've basically asked the same question, whether he wants to go further.

My opinion is, this is it. He doesn't want to get married. He likes things the way they are. And I know you don't want to bring this up with him because you know what the answer will be. And you're afraid of ruining the relationship that you have with him. (It's basically FWB.)

So the real question is whether you are happy with the way things are. You've hung in there for two years now. I know you want more. But you may have to consider finding someone else to have that "more" with. This guy isn't budging.

You can give him a final try. You can ask him to ask you to marry him. You could take a chance and go all in, knowing that you could go bust. Otherwise, will you be happy just to have a friend and companion like Oprah Winfrey and Stedman? Stop looking for breadcrumbs of emotion from him. Go all in or be happy with what you have.