I cheated on someone I love

Hey everyone...

I'm new to this website and haven't ever found myself in a position like this in my life. I have been in a relationship with someone I love very dearly. I have only had 1 past relationship that went horribly wrong but I was young, and we had no clue what we were doing. My current t relationship is exactly what you would call a perfect relationship. Me and (I'll refer to her as S) have been dating for almost a year... we had just made it official though just in May. S had recently left right after my birthday to see her sister in LA. To keep the story short I hung out with one of my closer friends who is a female. We ended up sleeping together. My excuse? I don't have one... she has no clue and arrives back in town tomorrow morning where I will pick her up. I am terrified. Ashamed. Disgusted in myself. This isn't like me, and I am just now realizing what I have done is the worst thing I could have done someone that I love dearly. My reason for cheating was that she was gone. I was attracted to my friend and decided "hey shes out of town let me enjoy this alone time.." I made this decision at the expense of my girlfriends feelings and emotions. We aren't like most couples that have been dating for a year. We clicked. Her panrets are in love with me. My parents are in love with her (so are my 5 siblings)... I just have no idea what to do... we will not break up as we've talked about this scenario before in talking about how much we love eachother. I cant forgive myself. I have been blessed with someone who cares, loves, supports, and has been there for me through all of my hardships. She has been the best person in my life to me. And yet... how could I deceive her? All because of a sexual desire with a friend? It was just so strong that I didn't think about her at all and just cheated. It was brief... it was for 3 minutes in a pitch black room. And hardly even remember it... I'm wondering.. should I keep this burden for myself and protect her from the pain..? Or should I own up to it because she deserves honesty from me? I understand most people that will respond have been cheated on most likely and I have as well... it was the worst thing (besides this) that I've been through... which is why this is killing me.

Thank you for reading.

P.S. I know I probably left a lot of details out... if anyone has any questions please ask. I will answer... Thank you

Id advise you confess. You messed up and the honest thing to do is to own your mistakes and let her make her own decision about how to move forward. It won't be easy, but I guarantee she'll respect you for having the courage to come clean.

Lots of times cheating can be overcome, but it usually starts with the cheater confessing on their own terms. You don't want her to find out. That would be just so much worse.

Did you use protection with your friend?

Also you mentioned you guys have talked about cheating before?

Will it eat at you forever? Will you be able to conceal this from her and look her in the eye from now on? If not, you already have your answer.

I think she deserves to know. A relationship based on deceit/lies will never work and never be successful (imo).

It's only fair for you to fess up, and allow her to make a choice. No one can predict the outcome, but keep in mind that cheating is something very few people can get past, especially long term.

I hope you can find your way.

we will not break up as we've talked about this scenario before in talking about how much we love eachother.

You discussed this possibility with your girlfriend and you both agreed it wouldn't be cause for breaking up? Did that leave the possibility open to you, on some level?

To those who are asking about our past conversations about cheating: First off... thank you everyone for your time and responses. Yes we talked about how much we loved eachother and that if anything happened, including cheating, we would still love eachother. Yes we did use protection. We are both clean and no one is pregnant. Also to journeynow- No, I never took her words for granted in my mind... even when I was about to cheat I never once played her words in my mind... however I won't doubt that it could have possibly sub consciously made a difference? To me, no. It didn't open a possibility..

I am currently discussing this with my friend that I cheated with... we are basically making our farewells as friends. It sounds like fessing up is starting to sound like the verdict. However I am scared. Incredibly nervous. To see her face to see her breakdown and cry I am not ready for. I will be honest with everyone here. I want to confess. I do. But now its starting to get more easier to forgive myself and let it go for her protection. But it's not a question of whether or not I'm capable. Now it seems to me, that its changing to what I SHOULD do. (Maybe I made that unclear I apologize) I love her. I will forever. I know she loves me and will do ANYTHING to stay with me. Even if it means being miserable, self conscious, and heartbroken with me. I am... so conflicted.. I very much appreciate everyone's input. Thank you everyone for not being rude and scolding me about this..

I wouldn't tell her unless you plan on making this a regular occurrence. Keep your guilt to yourself if you value your relationship. People have posted here previously what happened to their relationship once they told their significant other of an "indiscretion." If the relationship isn't over immediately, then she will never be able to look at your the same way again. She will never trust you. I don't care whatever you've discussed in the past. Things will never be the same.

However, you don't get a free pass on this. Your female friend knew you were in an official relationship. You knew you were in an official relationship. Stop trying to make excuses that it only took three minutes. Apparently, you were with this girl all evening, so you were cheating emotionally on your girlfriend. You need to learn from this and not do it again. I hope the guilt chews on you for a while. If you really loved your girlfriend, you wouldn't have done this. But I think at least one of you should keep their nativity!

Would it be a good idea to have my friend there to try and confess the situation? I obviously want to make this work, if she is willing is counseling with professionals a good idea? Should I confess to her parents at the same time, or separate? Or should I leave that to her decision.

Would it be a good idea to have my friend there to try and confess the situation? I obviously want to make this work, if she is willing is counseling with professionals a good idea? Should I confess to her parents at the same time, or separate? Or should I leave that to her decision.

Now you're turning it into a soap opera and making it worse. Maybe you should just break up now.

It will not happen again. I know I dont get a free pass. Please explain to me what you mean by nativity. The guilt is and will chew me up, I will assure you on that. I do not have feelings what so ever for my friend or ex-friend now, so I'm unsure what you mean by emotionally cheating. I did spend the night at her house.

Now you're turning it into a soap opera and making it worse. Maybe you should just break up now.

No this is not a soap opera and I will not break up with her. I would further like advise on how to tackle this please.

You want to invite the woman you cheated with to be there when you confess? You actually want to confess you cheated and rub salt in the wound by having the woman you cheated with there to watch the fallout?

Are you sure your ego is not involved here?

Please explain to me what you mean by nativity.

Sorry, spell check changed it to that. I meant naivety.

I'm unsure what you mean by emotionally cheating. I did spend the night at her house.

Well, you went over to your friend's house for something more than just two friends having a drink. You wanted to have an emotional affair that turned into a real affair.

How old are you and your gf?

No I am not trying to rub salt into the wound here. Please everyone just understand I truly dont know what to do.

How old are you and your gf?

I am 22 and my girlfriend is 20

I am 22 and my girlfriend is 20

Ok. I figured around that age by your thoughts on how to approach this.

Under no circumstances involve your friend or any of the parents in this. That would be humiliating and even more painful for her.

Just tell her, she deserves to know.

And you're not mature enough for a committed relationship. If sexual desire was all that it took to cheat...Sigh tell her the truth.

Well, you went over to your friend's house for something more than just two friends having a drink. You wanted to have an emotional affair that turned into a real affair.

I went over her house to hang out yes. She had left and I thought I could see my friend. I understand what you are saying, I'm making sure that there are no misunderstandings in my story.

Ok. I figured around that age by your thoughts on how to approach this.

 

Under no circumstances involve your friend or any of the parents in this. That would be humiliating and even more painful for her.

Okay I hoped that would be the case

Just tell her, she deserves to know.

 

And you're not mature enough for a committed relationship. If sexual desire was all that it took to cheat...Sigh tell her the truth.

You may be right and I may not be. Regardless I cant lose her and cant just accept not being with her. Is that what you mean? That I shouldn't even be in this relationship?

Yes we talked about how much we loved eachother and that if anything happened, including cheating, we would still love eachother.

I see. Please understand that "we would still love each other" is not the same as "we will not break up". I personally would not want my relationship to be built on a lie, even a lie of omission. I would want to know and decide for myself if I want to weather the emotional storm or not. Better that, than to somehow find out after being together for years, causing me to question the entire relationship. What would you want if the situation were reversed?

How can you know for sure your "friend" won't "accidentally let it slip" that you and she had sex? Apparently she wants you. Maybe she has for a while.