Jump to content

Should I meet him now or wait?


Recommended Posts

Hi guys

 

I’m new to these parts but was hoping to get a little advice from people who may have been in a similar situation to what I am now.

 

I’ve met a guy online, he lives in the states and I live in the UK, we met via a gaming app and soon enough started messaging each other.

We are four months in now and message every day via WhatsApp, send each other videos and photos constantly and we are now actively video calling up to three times a week.

 

I really, really like him and I’m very aware how much he likes me too, he seems to be a lot faster mover than me and we have already discussed meeting but we both know it won’t be easy.

 

I have a pre-booked trip to the states planned for September, he’s aware of it and initially asked about meeting then but turns out he can’t get to where I am due to money and his work (which I understand as it’s kind of last minute in terms of time etc) so we left it at that and said it would be cool that we are on the same time zone and can video chat in live time instead while I’m away.

We also talked about meeting next year and maybe doing a week long vacation but the more I’ve sat and thought about it, I feel it would be obviously more sensible to initially just meet for a day or two just in case for whatever reason we don’t get along as well in person.

 

So that leaves me with my current predicament, I’ve looked into flying to see him for two days during my holiday in September and for me (money wise) it’s conpletely do-able!

There are pros and cons to wanting to go and I haven’t told him I’m considering it yet just in case I decide to back out.

 

I feel as though I trust him completely but there will always be that overshadowing worry of “am I putting myself in an unsafe position” and by that I mean, I’d be flying to meet him alone and while I’d have my own hotel room and wouldn’t be staying with him, I still have concerns for safety (maybe I watch too many crime docs!) and I know there are ways around it to be sensible but surely even next year those concerns won’t go away until I try.

 

Has anyone else been in a similar position or can maybe offer any advice at all?

 

Thanks!

Kim

Link to comment

You should never completely trust someone you have never met in person.

 

There is every chance he's a decent guy, but you currently have no way to verify that. You could offer to fly to where he is for a couple days, but I would not yet be giving him details of where you'd stay. Meet in a neutral, public location and make sure someone else knows where you are. Crime docs or not, it is not worth the risk to be lackadaisical about personal safety.

Link to comment

Well, you should scroll through the various forums here and read about people who were involved in Internet Relationships who finally met their online boyfriends/girlfriends. The most common occurrence is that once they had sex (or don't have sex), suddenly their partner announces they have someone else, or the meeting wasn't what they expected, or they start picking fights, and they suddenly melt away. The Internet often attracts people with emotional and mental disorders that keep them from being able to find friends in the real world. Or in this case, your male friend may spend 24 hours a day gaming and can't maintain a relationship.

 

Also keep in mind that people can usually be on their best behavior on a date or two, but I think you have the right idea to meet your Internet boyfriend for a day or two. Just tell him right off there will not be any nookie on this visit. If you go ahead with the relationship, also consider that immigration laws are tough both in the US and the UK and it will make living together very tough.

 

So be careful. Protect yourself. You don't really know this guy as well as you think you do.

Link to comment

This is the hardest, most difficult way to date. Why are you choosing something with so many hurdles? Instead of investing a mere few weeks time before meeting someone (because 9 out of 10 times when I did OLD, that first meeting never moved on to more dating), you're investing months and possibly a year or more, before that initial face-to-face. Instead of dating locally, where you're only out the cost of a cup of coffee, you're thinking of spending hundreds of dollars for something that might not pan out. And if he can't even afford a trip to another state, how do you think he'll be affording trips to the UK to regularly see you, to see if you're compatible with each other?

 

And what if things did work out? One of you will have to leave all of your friends and family, totally uprooted, with rare visits between. Watch the show 90 Day Fiance to get an idea of what everyone deals with in this situation. Grandparents can't see their grandkids grow up. Jobs are hard to come by for the foreigner. The different cultures clash and the person who moved feels isolated.

 

You can have chemistry with a local guy. I suggest trying for that. A normal pace of dating, and all the other pros of dating locally, like actually getting to spend physical time together, makes for a higher risk of success.

Link to comment

Andrina, thanks for your input but I’ve tried local dating and I’m not willing to just settle unfortunately for someone I don’t feel a connection with just because they’re closer to home?

 

If everyone’s soulmate or love lived next door, life would be a lot easier but what’s to say the one you’re meant to end up with isn’t on the other side of the world?

 

Believe me I wouldn’t be investing in him if I didn’t think the world of him and yeah it could fall through and not work after a year, if we meet and that happens then we will talk about it and probably move on, which is fine too but I’ll never know unless I give it a shot.

 

It won’t be easy but I’m willing to try.

 

Thanks for your replies everyone else, I am trying to be so safe and conscious of every little thing and don’t worry I am fully aware of guys being on best behaviours to start with lol

I will lay some major ground rules if I go and I’m lucky he’s incredibly laid back, constantly tells me that it’s up to me what I’m comfortable with and he respects that.

 

I’m still undecided but I have a few steps to think about before I make a final decision.

Link to comment

He doesn't sound that interested or he's with someone, otherwise since you are making most of the journey, he would find a way to meet you there. Soulmates are made, not found through kismet.

I have a pre-booked trip to the states planned for September, he’s aware of it and initially asked about meeting then but turns out he can’t get to where I am due to money and his work so we left it at that and said it would be cool that we are on the same time zone and can video chat in live time instead while I’m away.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...