Don't know what I actually want

I have a good senior job, roof over my head, loads of friends and some good friends. I have no partner and been through hell in that regard that my dream of a nice family has become a shattered illusion!

Now I'm lost and just struggle for motivation for the future.. I just am at a loss with where my life is going

I have goals like to buy a house next year (I'm saving), possibly get a dog! But still the motivation has just disappeared for general looking after myself

Anyone experienced this?

I don't have much family so I guess this is something I feel is a lack and me and my mother have a bit of a difficult relationship

Two things that would help me, personally, in this situation - see if they resonate:

One -brisk cardio exercise -dance, power walk, run, whatever - hopefully outside -but inside is ok -for at least 20-30 minutes and preferably schedule it for the same time each day so you also are planning for the self-care.

Two- a volunteer opportunity evenings or weekends that calls on your strengths and talents and has a type of contribution that makes sense to you. If you are still looking for a partner, many volunteer opportunities are great for meeting people -women or men who can introduce you to suitable women (or vice versa -not sure what gender you are).

Oh and three-it will seem corny -every night right before you go to sleep you must think of three things you are grateful for no matter how bad/empty the day felt. Even if it's just "hot coffee in the morning". (well that's not just -that's pretty awesome but you get what I'm saying).

During the cardio often you will find yourself coming up with small steps to reach the goals you say you have - great way to mutltask which I'm sure you have to do at your job, too.

Good luck!

I have no partner and been through hell in that regard that my dream of a nice family has become a shattered illusion!

I'd start by considering the dramatic language I'm running in my head. Your inner voice can either be used to motivate your or sink you into a deeper hole to climb out of.

That's a crucial decision that will determine your level of resilience.

How long has it been since your breakup?

Excellent advice from above posters. Your user name speaks volumes as to your state of mind, and what you say about your past suggests that you are lugging around extremely heavy baggage, which is draining. Most of us have romantic partnerships that have ended, but it doesn't mean one's future is screwed. No matter how old you are, you can always begin a happier chapter two by having learned not to repeat the mistakes of the past and make wiser decisions for the future.

The book called The Key by Rhonda Byrne helped me train my brain to think more positively and to set into motion performing actions to receive my goals. The library also has books and audio books on the subject of self help that will inspire you to make positive changes in your life. Take care!

It's been a while like 9 months longer than the relationship but I think a lot happened in that time and I just don't see myself as I once did! I know some people won't understand why I just can't park it and move forward unfortunately for truma it comes with you! I can't forget it for love nor money!

It's been a while like 9 months longer than the relationship but I think a lot happened in that time and I just don't see myself as I once did! I know some people won't understand why I just can't park it and move forward unfortunately for truma it comes with you! I can't forget it for love nor money!

I understand. A great job, a house, lots of friends, good social life.. these are great things to have - you've done very well for yourself in all those areas! Yet a true 'forever' loving and loved partner is IMHO the one thing that makes life worth living. Friends and colleagues go home at the end of the day, to live their own lives. Houses tend to get awfully quiet if you're in them by yourself. Traumatic break-ups are very hard to get over. I don't really have any advise. I just wanted to say that I understand how you feel, I felt this way in the past, and can relate. I wish you all the best.

Thanks for your understanding words! I just think it's a bit more difficult to find someone than it was before (and that's difficult enough) just need to come to terms with my view of happy ever after may just work out differently

I feel for you, I really do. I am in the exact same boat, own a home, good friends, decent job but depressed.

Some das are good, others are not. All I can really offer is know its not just you and others, myslef included, are struggling with the same. Yes cardio helps so does counseling but still have my bad days.

Hang in there, and again your not the i ly one who feels this way.

It's been a while like 9 months longer than the relationship but I think a lot happened in that time and I just don't see myself as I once did! I know some people won't understand why I just can't park it and move forward unfortunately for truma it comes with you! I can't forget it for love nor money!

It's not about 'just' doing anything, it's a decision to either work in your own favor or to work against yourself. You get to pick. If you want to work against yourself, you can do that. It won't buy you anything but added difficulty, but it's not against the law.

If you believe that you are chronically depressed, seek help. That's not the same thing as going to your MD to get put on drugs, it's about ruling out a physical condition and seeking a referral to a good therapist who can monitor you whether you opt for medication or not.

Being accountable to someone not only gives you tools and techniques for how you frame and perceive your life and emotions, but it also prompts you to do the actual work and report on your progress

People have no trouble hiring a plumber or accountant when they need practical expertise, but what could be more practical than your quality of life?

I have a cbt therapist who I've been going to for months! Do you think a life coach is a great start?!

Not sure how old you are, but it sounds to me like you are going through a very typical 20's something thing where you thought you were in complete control of your life and how it will go. You had this plan and deadlines and you've worked hard to achieve and so far you've been successful at it........ and then, what happens to absolutely everyone is happening to you - life doesn't go as per plans and you simply have to adjust your expectations and deal with it. Of course it's not easy, but it's normal and what everyone deals with sooner or later in life. Nobody's life ever turns out exactly as planned or envisioned. You have to learn to roll with the punches and make adjustments. That doesn't mean that you give up on what you want, it just means that it's not going to be a straight line.

Sounds about right I'm 27 so yes just coming to realise you clearly cannot have it all! I've gone to the gym tonight to try and combat the over thinking!