2 guys and the importance of texting in dating

First of all, a huge THANK YOU to everyone who gave me some advice on my previous thread, it was greatly appreciated! i have since moved on from the situation; i figure i was ghosted so no point in wasting any more of my time dwelling on it!

Now on to my current situations:

So i have been sort of "seeing" two different guys who have asked me out on dates lately and there are big differences between them

the first guy, lets call him JJ:

we met through a previous job i had a couple years ago, he found me on facebook and we just got to talking

we text all day everyday full of interesting conversation

our first date lasted a couple of hours with drinks dinner and playing with his dog, he paid for everything and also gave me a ride home, texted me immediately when he got home about planning another get together soon and continued to text everyday until the second date

the second date only last like an hr and a half, was okay in terms of conversation although i thought it was really strange that he didnt bring any debit/credit cards or cash with him (not that i had the expectation of him to pay, just odd that he would leave the house without them) so i paid this time which i was fine with because it kept things equal. when the date was over we called our ubers home and his got there quicker than mine so he texted right away about letting him know when i get home. i let him know and he let me know when he got home too and then after that we havent texted eachother.

with this guy the second date was about 3 weeks after the first date despite the all day texting and him basically knowing what im up to and the times that i was free so he could have set up more times but he didnt.

and also on both of these dates there was no physical contact only hugs hi and goodbye; i actually figured that on the second date which just happened this weekend he would try something and was disappointed that he didnt.

the second guy, lets call him DD:

we met on Bumble, i sent him a message and he replied and i never got back to him because i just kind of lost the courage to continue reaching out. he ended up double texting me just straight up asking me if he could take me out sometime to which i replied yes

we planned for the next week on a certain day, and then no texting in between then until the day of the date.

the date went incredibly well, lots of attraction, physical contact and even a kiss.

he left the state the next day so i figured that was the end of that and that i wouldnt hear from him again but when he got back he reached out and said we should get together again sometime the next week to which i replied yes and that for him to let me know when hes free and we can work something out. he texted 2 days later with a day he was free and i told him i was also free that day and he said great ill come up with a plan and let you know and then 2 more days later he reached out with an idea for a date and so we had out second date set up

our second date ended up being out of town and it was pretty amazing. after that he let me know hed reach out again at the end of the week to plan something else out.

he reached out at the end of last week asking if next friday i would be free to spend time together and i let him know i was so were planning to see eachother again.

with all the information that i have given between the two of them, i guess my question would be how much importance should one place on the amount of texting a guy does? the first one texts alot but his interest - and mine - seem iffy whereas the second one doesnt do the constant texting but in person seems very engaging and only seems to utilize texting as a tool to set up seeing me again in person.

I am not placing an insane amount of value on either of these guys, i am causally dating but would like to develop a relationship if the person is right for me

would love to hear everyones thoughts on the matter and thank you in advance!!!!

you are learning about each other through texting with the first guy, kind leave's you to do what during the date when you finally meet?

With the second guy you are getting to know him in person during the date when you meet, making that experience more valuable.

Who are you more attracted to?

Who are you more attracted to?

I think that they are both attractive, but i would say the second guy maybe slightly more only because of the ounce more of physical contact we have had than the first guy

I think my attraction to both of them based off of physical appearance is the same but im drawn more to the second guy because of his initiative in person

I don't really feel that texting means a whole lot and it's rather annoying. If someone truly wants to get to know a person, you'd think they would see you in person.

Texting seems lazy.

The second guy seems to be making an actual effort as opposed to the first.

I think a too much texting early on can create a false sense of connection with a stranger and possibly blind you to red flags, lack of genuine in person interest, etc. You might feel like you are already dating and know a lot about each other, but you really aren't and don't.

As always when it comes to dating, pay more attention to actions than words. Texting is just words. The second guy is taking you out on dates, being consistent, he is doing what he says he will. In your shoes, I probably would have dropped the first guy long ago because I'd find that much constant texting annoying and the dates are few and far apart....literally. So, I'd have cut him loose already. Guy two seems more genuinely interested and acting in a more consistent manner.

I mean, do you want to type words onto a tiny screen or do you want to spend time with a great man in person?

I am not placing an insane amount of value on either of these guys, i am casually dating but would like to develop a relationship if the person is right for me, would love to hear everyones thoughts on the matter and thank you in advance!!!!

It's all about dating the person, and not texting them. You go by what happens during the actual dates (in person). As long as the man contacts you about the next date, and shows up, there's no issue.

Also, be careful about your strategy of going casual, and then maybe turning it into a relationship (easier said then done). Doing a 180 in dating styles doesn't always sit well if the other person is also dating casually.

Ok, then pursue that. It's not about who is the safer bet and who is likely to bolt. Get on top of it and in control and chose what you want, not who's easier or more convenient, etc. Also be very clear on what you are looking for. If you lead with "casual" again, expect a nonexclusive thing where they date others, and ghost as needed, even after sex and dating a few weeks.

Determine and decide what you want and do not want and lead with that.

I think that they are both attractive, but i would say the second guy maybe slightly more only because of the ounce more of physical contact we have had. i am causally dating but would like to develop a relationship if the person is right for me

Only you, or anyone, can decide how important texting is.

Personally, I think it can be a dangerous medium. Yes, you can have great chats with new people—I certainly have—but there's a component to those "connections" really just being exercises in vanity and boredom. People often use texting early much the way they use Instagram: a hit of attention, a space filler, the illusion of depth without having to make much effort to leave your own shallows.

That you're even posting this kind of highlights the weird role texting can play. I mean, on paper it's pretty clear: dude one is a dud, dude two has some potential. Yet it's the texting that gives you hope about dude one, and the lack of texting that raises an eyebrow with dude two.

Thank you everyone for the responses! I agree with what everyone is saying and the only reason i have let things go on further with the first guy is because the texting makes it feel like hes getting to know me more, like he asks insightful questions and keeps the conversation going and with the second guy its not that he doesnt ask questions but i sometimes think he likes to talk a lot about himself

Thank you everyone for the responses! I agree with what everyone is saying and the only reason i have let things go on further with the first guy is because the texting makes it feel like hes getting to know me more, like he asks insightful questions and keeps the conversation going and with the second guy its not that he doesnt ask questions but i sometimes think he likes to talk a lot about himself

That's more like it (what happened during the dates). They both seem to have some possible "red flags".

Guy 1 - Don't know why he brought a dog to a first date. And not bringing any type of payment to a date, comes across as a way to force you to pay for everything (unless he had a sincere apology in finding out that he forgot to bring money).

Guy 2 - Didn't see anything out of the norm with him, until you mentioned that he likes to talk about himself a lot. That is a red flag.

Initial impressions on what you've stated is neither is a keeper so far, and to date others, unless one of them improves (if you still want to deal with them).

That's more like it (what happened during the dates). They both seem to have some possible "red flags".

 

Guy 1 - Don't know why he brought a dog to a first date. And not bringing any type of payment to a date, comes across as a way to force you to pay for everything (unless he had a sincere apology in finding out that he forgot to bring money).

 

Guy 2 - Didn't see anything out of the norm with him, until you mentioned that he likes to talk about himself a lot. That is a red flag.

 

Initial impressions on what you've stated is neither is a keeper so far, and to date others, unless one of them improves (if you still want to deal with them).

Guy 2 has asked me questions like when was my last relationship and what happened between my ex and i and ive asked him the same because he seemed pretty open on asking me so i felt i could do the same despite it being only 2 dates

How would it be a red flag Soultaker? it happens to be a lot about his job and the way im trying to take it is that he is passionate and enjoys what he does for a career

Guy 2 has asked me questions like when was my last relationship and what happened between my ex and i and ive asked him the same because he seemed pretty open on asking me so i felt i could do the same despite it being only 2 dates

It might be just me, but I find those types of questions to be intrusive, and off limits. I had a woman ask me something like that, and I just told her that I wasn't going to go into details on my past relationships.

It's like when a man asks a woman how many men has she slept with. I'm surprised at the # of women who would answer the question, instead of telling the man that it's "none of his business".

Guy 2 has asked me questions like when was my last relationship and what happened between my ex and i and ive asked him the same because he seemed pretty open on asking me so i felt i could do the same despite it being only 2 dates

Actually, I would never ask "what happened"? like that, but if someone was divorced, its fair and honest to ask how long they have been divorced/how long have they been single. Its self-protection. I think even if one was not married before, it is fair to want to know if the person is fresh out of a long term relationship - but asked more gracefully - like offering your info up first in hopes the other person will answer with theirs. I would ask a divorced person the question within 2-6 dates depending on how much i already know

How would it be a red flag Soultaker? it happens to be a lot about his job and the way im trying to take it is that he is passionate and enjoys what he does for a career

He could talk about what he does and then says, "what about you, what is your passion?" A person who likes to talk but is interested and caring will always give the other person the floor to talk as well.

How would it be a red flag Soultaker? it happens to be a lot about his job and the way im trying to take it is that he is passionate and enjoys what he does for a career

People who talk about themselves, instead of trying to find out about you, can be "self-absorbed" with trying to impress you on their exterior accomplishments. You're there to date him, not his job. You know that it is a character flaw, else you wouldn't have mentioned it.

There is no correct answer. Some people like lots of texting, some people don't. It's more of a preference.