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Thread: 7 years, no ring, help

  1. #11
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    his is a topic he’s extremely dismissive about because he thinks marriage is dumb, for a lack of words , that’s he’s never really seen a good marriage, blah blah.

    Then you need to find a man who values marriage and WANTS to get married. TRUST ME - i was with a man who did not believe marriages worked and guess what? We got married - then divorced. He married me when he hit a certain age -- thinking he didn't want to die alone when he was old. Romantic, huh? The marriage worked for about 10 months and went downhill from there and for the next couple years he did everything from call old exes, try to talk me into a threesome (nope! not in a million years would i do that) to paint me as unfaithful, blaming me as the reason he didn't want to see his family (so they would dislike me and it caused a rift) and on and on and on.

    I think its reasonable that if mommy pays for the house - the house belongs to him. And why would you want to be with a man who did not work hard to put money away for a home -- or was better yet, realistic - started off with a condo or small fixer upper that he could improve and sell to get what he really wanted vs someone who needs 90K of mommy's money?
    Even if he started out in a small postage stamp of a place.

    I think you are ring crazy --- you don't care if its a good relationship or not. you want some bling -- and everyone else is right - he will never marry you if you move in.

    Why not take the money you saved for a downpayment and buy a condo, or a small cute house that's the worst house in a great neighborhood and fix it up --- you can buy it for yourself and meet someone else

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Heather Dawn's Avatar
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    I would not buy a house with a man:

    1) With whom you have never lived before

    2) To whom you are not married or engaged

    3) Who will not put you on the deed despite you contributing 50% of the money

    Buying a house before you've lived together is a potential disaster waiting to happen.

    Buying a house with a man who does not want to get married when you DO want to get married, is a bad decision.

    Buying a house with a man who will be the only one who actually owns it on paper is financial suicide.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    This is a case of him continually moving to goal posts. All these conditions regarding committing to a mortgage and pretty much trying to manipulate each other into your own agendas = that are anywhere near close to each other. This is not what the foundation of a healthy relationship starts with, let along a marriage.

    You want nothing less than a man who's crazy about you and wants the same thing you do. Period.
    Anything less is a waste of your valuable time.
    7 years to be exact.

    The person holding the money typically has the power. Don't put anything in writing that you aren't 100% comfortable with.
    Follow your gut on this one.

  4. #14
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    It's crucially important that marriage is something that people can agree on if the relationship is going to be fulfilling. When I say this, it could be between two people who see no need for marriage itself but trust each other's emotional commitment, or two people who both see it as a goal to be reached for - the issue is that they need to be on the same page.

    What you are describing in your relationship is a fundamental incompatibility and it's very unlikely that you're going to get past it. You have a choice; after all this time, you can be pretty realistic about what your guy has to offer (look at what he does, rather than his empty promises) - and if you go along with it then you're likely to feel permanently discontented.

    You are the only person who knows whether the relationship overall is worth it.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by nutbrownhare
    It's crucially important that marriage is something that people can agree on if the relationship is going to be fulfilling. When I say this, it could be between two people who see no need for marriage itself but trust each other's emotional commitment, or two people who both see it as a goal to be reached for - the issue is that they need to be on the same page..
    And it has to be two people that already WANT to get married as a life goal and its just a matter of meeting the right person and getting to know them for a period of time -- you can't take someone who opposes marriage and thinks it doesn't work and try to cajol them into agreeing. Find a guy who does want marriage and babies down the line (meaning when they meet the right person, they have dated for an appropriate time to get to know eachother and make sure its a match).

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