Getting over negative perceptions of adult living at home?

I deeply regret not moving out for college, I feel like missed out. Aside from college, I earned a vocational license and currently work in that field. At the moment I am struggling to go back for further education. Living at home as an adult seems to have very negative perceptions, that everything is handed to us on a silver platter. I work, help out around the house, pay for everything myself (pets, makeup, mobile phone etc). There has been only one guy I met who mooched off his parents, had no ambitions no want to go to college or get a decent job decent job and was always broke. How do I not feel bad? I feel good holding my own job and making my own decisions.

As long as you pay rent and help out with the utility and pull your own weight, you have nothing to be ashamed of.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. It's a fact that our generation will be the first that makes significantly less than our parents. Wages have a average growth of 1% year to year. Deflation has a steady rate of 1.5% per year. Sadly for most mellineals we take a pay cut every year. And if you live in a city with rapid growth like I do, the cost of living goes up about 7% each year. The numbers don't lie. It's not a sustainable system.

nothing to be ashamed of. I went back home after college finding out what other things I wanted to do with my life. I busted my ass, probably less than you, but I kept my head high.

nothing to be ashamed of. I went back home after college finding out what other things I wanted to do with my life. I busted my ass, probably less than you, but I kept my head high.

Thank you for the reassurance. Every time my sibling comes home, he pokes at my situation despite not knowing anything and that drives me nuts!

Most anyone can afford to live away from home, even it means getting a roommate. I don't judge people who live at home. I judge people who think there's no alternative. Making a practical decision to save money at the expense of your independence can be and often is a very smart one. Still, you'll find many people who prioritize that independence in both themselves and a potential partner. It'll be a limiting factor, but again, not an intrinsically bad one.

Basically, if you know it makes the most sense, you take solace in that fact. But if what it really boils down to is that you can and should get out on your own but aren't, then it's time to start thinking with your feet.

Most anyone can afford to live away from home, even it means getting a roommate. I don't judge people who live at home. I judge people who think there's no alternative. Making a practical decision to save money at the expense of your independence can be and often is a very smart one. Still, you'll find many people who prioritize that independence in both themselves and a potential partner. It'll be a limiting factor, but again, not an intrinsically bad one.

 

Basically, if you know it makes the most sense, you take solace in that fact. But if what it really boils down to is that you can and should get out on your own but aren't, then it's time to start thinking with your feet.

I know there are options, my mom actually doesn't want me to leave home before I'm married (very common in my culture). I personally don't believe in co habiting before marriage, mostly cause I've seen people together for 5+ years w/out getting married and having kids, not something I want.

Do you want to leave the parents home before getting married?

May I ask, are you in your 20s 30s 40s?

Do you want to leave the parents home before getting married?

 

May I ask, are you in your 20s 30s 40s?

I am in my 20s. If I had no foreseeable partner, then I would move out, even to another city. Since I do have a possibility of marriage, I will be staying home hopefully for another year or less. Rent here for a room can be 800 or more.

OP all I can say is, count your lucky stars that you have the option of living at home and to h*** with who says what about it. I had many instances in my life when I would have given anything for the option of just throwing in the towel and going back to mum and dad. Wasn't feasible with mum and dad billion miles away in a s***hole of a 'country' I can't stand. And I so hear you re: ludicrously expensive rents. £700 minimum for a room in a shared house in my city and that's not even anywhere central or good.

If it's a cultural norm/tradition then there shouldn't be a problem.

my mom actually doesn't want me to leave home before I'm married (very common in my culture).

I am in my 20s. If I had no foreseeable partner, then I would move out, even to another city. Since I do have a possibility of marriage, I will be staying home hopefully for another year or less. Rent here for a room can be 800 or more.

Well that's good, sounds like you have your plan.

What would be concerning is if you had no real plans of ever moving out !

If living with your parents works for you and them beyond concern for how it's perceived, then nobody else gets a vote. You can phrase it, "I'm helping out my family..." or "I'm contributing to a family concern at the moment..." and then recognize that the perceptions of others are not within your scope to manage.

However...

I know there are options, my mom actually doesn't want me to leave home before I'm married (very common in my culture).

I'd skip telling people that. It comes off as though you're too passive to decide the way YOU want to live.

If you want respect from others, demonstrate the self respect to discuss your choices as your own--not something anyone else imposes on you.

Head high.

You're in your 20s... any way you choose to live you will probably feel like you aren't doing it "right". It's your life to live, no one else can tell you how to do it!

Anyway, I sense a little bit of conflict perhaps with your true desires and your actual situation. Are you sure YOU are happy living at home and not having that independence? Are the feelings you are feeling 100% "oh people will think X about me"... or is there perhaps a little bit of % that is like, "I wonder what my life could be like a different way." If it's 100%, you do you. But if there is something else going on it might be worth exploring rather than hiding from those ideas.

It is perceived as a little more acceptable for women to be living at home as a working adult vs men. I am not sure why -- but it is. I think that if you would like to move out - you should. If you don't - don't - but know that there will be men who will have liked to have seen that you have lived away from your parents at some point before marrying you.

Sorry to hear how hard it is for you to live at home, I know how hard that can be once you reach adult age. There are great things about living in a college community on campus, but at the same time, it doesn't help to live with regrets. I would encourage you to make the most of the situation you're in, build positive relationships with your family, and keep looking towards future opportunities - likely the chance to move out will come sooner than you think. Honestly, you sound a lot more responsible than I was at that age, and you should take pride in the responsibilities you're handling. You are definitely preparing yourself well for someone who will soon live independently.

Would it help to get out of the house more often? Are there opportunities for you to get involved in clubs, events, and other things in relation to your college? Would it help to get out and volunteer more often, and feel more productive in your community?