An investment?

I am in a relationship with the most awesome woman I've met. We've been together for about three months. She is the exact example of the woman that I want: gorgeous, caring, genuine, all around awesome woman. Our first date was at an arcade, which was her idea, and we have seen each other several times since. I'll never forget our first date, we were walking out of the building and in the vestible she asks me "will you go on another date with me?" To which I of course said "absolutely!" She's a hometown woman, born and raised in the same small town, and she has taken me around her town many times and introduced me to everyone in her town. To make things even better, she invited me to her family reunion at a farm her family owns and that she's been going to since she was little. Every single family member she introduced me to, it was "this is my boyfriend". She very proudly introduced me to her family, including her beloved grandparents. She also tags me in photos of us together on her facebook, she is very proud to be dating me, as I am her. She calls me every day, always tells me I'm the best man to ever walk into her life, and she has no issue introducing me to her friends and family. I was in a really bad relationship two years ago, so this was the light at the end of the tunnel meeting this woman. Even at the beginning of my prior relationship, I didn't feel this good at all.

I just need some opinions on something: since we started dating, we really haven't done much more than kissing, hugging, and just putting our arms around each other. I of course have to throw in the occasional foot massage for her too, which she loves a lot too. I have not pushed the idea of getting too intimate with her, because it's clear to me that she takes things really slow. She also was never "out there" at all and she still isn't, she is a very classy, and clean woman. Eventually, yes, I would like to get intimate with her but I do not want to rush this at all. Would anyone else call this an investment in the relationship? I personally think it is, I would just like to get other peoples takes on it.

Thank you!

Sounds like she really likes you. Why not simply have an adult discussion about her sexual boundaries? She can express her expectations, and you can decide if it's worth waiting.

I have been thinking about that, I just don't know how I would word such a discussion. I also don't know if it's too soon, I also don't know when it will be too late, and I'm also afraid of her thinking I'm not interested in her because we haven't had a discussion regarding sexual boundaries. It's not because I'm not interested in her, of course I am, I just don't want to scare her away by making her think that I'm only out for sex. You can already tell I am a massive overthinker. I also have anxiety really bad, which I have told her about too. I would be really anxious of her response to that.

Hmm. Three months without sex. What are your ages and what are your dating backgrounds? Has she had any serious boyfriends before? Is she religious? Does she suspect you may have anxiety, depression, and symptoms of PTSD as you wrote previously?

There was a survey recently that found that Millennials would rather be hugged than to have sex. Have you hinted at it? Have you suggested a romantic weekend somewhere? Are you taking her on real dates or are you just hanging around your place? All of these things make a difference. A lot of Millennials don't seem to put any effort into dating, just hanging out and watching TV or playing video games. She may be waiting for you to make a move. Is she a virgin?

Give us a little more information and we can give you an informed opinion.

I'm in my late 20s, she's in her early 20s. I haven't really asked her about her past sex life so I honestly do not know anything about that. I mean based on her Facebook pictures, I really don't see any with other men she's been with. The most pictures she has with another man are...well, ones of me and her. She is not religious at all. And no, we don't just sit and watch TV, we've go to beaches, nice restaurants, and we also take walks around the lake once in a while. We also watched the fireworks together on fourth of July. We really don't have the time or place to have sex, and she told me when I first met her that it will be a while before we cross that path. I think I'm gonna try to communicate with her on that next time I talk to her.

It sounds like she has certain values from her upbringing. Perhaps she is a virgin or was brought up to wait for the right man or commitment of some type or marriage. Yes it's an investment if you feel she is a quality girl.

Rather than talk about "sexual boundaries" at 3 mos in why not talk about making more of a solid relationship such as exclusivity at least, some sort of commitment to her, etc.? Keep in mind she doesn't owe you sex.

She has already been crystal clear about her boundaries and values and has communicated that honestly with you, so why push it with another talk? So "sexual boundaries" have been discussed upfront. If you don't feel like "taking it slow", perhaps she is too conservative for you and you'll have to face the fact that you're incompatible at this point in time.

she's in her early 20s. We really don't have the time or place to have sex, and she told me when I first met her that it will be a while before we cross that path. I think I'm gonna try to communicate with her on that next time I talk to her.

What do you mean you don't have a place for sex? Do you still live with your parents? What are you doing to help yourself with your anxiety? Make sure you are doing something about it so you'll be the best partner you can be, and give yourself some peace.

Don't ever be afraid to address things that are on your mind in a relationship. If the partnership ends because you asked reasonable questions or asked for a particular discussion, then the relationship wasn't worth keeping on with anyway.

She said it would be a while before you two were intimate. That's too vague. I'd say: I don't want to rush things either, but when you said it'd be a while before we were intimate, can you give me a little better idea of what you meant?

Her response should give you the info you want. It's also okay to ask about her past dating history to get an idea of if she has a pattern or not. When you two aren't speaking of serious matters, the relationship seems shallow with an aura of walking on eggshells. Time to take this to the next level past the honeymoon stage. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

I have been thinking about that, I just don't know how I would word such a discussion. I also don't know if it's too soon, I also don't know when it will be too late, and I'm also afraid of her thinking I'm not interested in her because we haven't had a discussion regarding sexual boundaries. It's not because I'm not interested in her, of course I am, I just don't want to scare her away by making her think that I'm only out for sex. You can already tell I am a massive overthinker. I also have anxiety really bad, which I have told her about too. I would be really anxious of her response to that.

If you can't discuss sex openly with her, you aren't ready for a mutually fulfilling sexual relationship. If you guys do become sexually active, the talking shouldn't stop there! Women appreciate a man who cares about what they want and how they want it. Go slow but lead the situation by at the very least being open to talking about your physical relationship.

A lot of questions flying around which I feel complicate matters, so I'll try keep it simple.

Talk to her.

There you go. Done.

It's rather simple, buddy. You're both seeing each other, so assuming it was yesterday when she stated it would be awhile to "cross that path" then I'd think it's safe to ask how she's feeling about you both, are you exclusive, any more thoughts of being intimate further etc. She's the only one who can answer these questions for you and given how the rest is going a-okay, then I struggle to find any reason why you can't have a mature, sensible discussion about such things. Sure, not everyone finds it easy and you may be one of them, but from how you've described everything...you've got nothing to be worried about.

So yeah, sit down and have a chat. Listen to what she has to say, and don't push anything unless it's of big concern of yours (as an example, if you consider it a red flag not to have sex within a year and she suggests after marriage).

A couple things I wanted to clear up:

First of all, for those who are saying that I am "demanding" sex, that's not the case at all. She could tell me that she wants to wait until marriage and I'll still be good with that.

Me and her had a little talk today. I don't want to get into details as to what we talked about, but all of my questions were pretty much answered. She told me that I was "scaring" her at first, because of the anticipation when I said I "need to talk to her". Beforehand I of course said that its nothing serious. I was just asking her basically regarding affection if I'm hitting any wrong areas, she said I was not.

Also, regarding the "place" to have fun, I do have an apartment, but our relationship is semi-long distant. She does come to my apartment once in a while, but she only has so much time to hang out. I'll cook her dinner when she comes over and I'll also fire up a Google Play movie for her to watch with me, then she has to get on the road for work. She lives at home still, I live on my own.

To those who are wondering if she is a virgin, I understand your curiosity behind that, but I won't get into details on that. What I will say is she is definitely not sexually active, she is one of the rare woman who is finding the right one and taking her time. I told her that I don't really care too much about having sex in a relationship as much as I care about just having that solid relationship going. There is no doubt in my mind that I want her in my life, and I am committing to her and her only, she feels the same way. I have pushed several women away these last couple years, been on several dates only to see things hit a giant thud. I have always been picky, choosy and stubborn when it comes to relationships. People have told me I am picky when it comes to that, and I consider that a compliment. I want this one to be my last, because I'm just happy with how things are going.

I want this one to be my last, because I'm just happy with how things are going.

You had your chat, you got your answers. Fair play to you, sir! :)