I think I've made a huge mistake...

Hi, first of all thanks for reading. I am 24 years of age and my girlfriend is also 24.

Through my life in pre school, secondary school and college I have never been confident and have been bullied and put down a lot, during this time I went school and stayed in all of the time and was quite fat, after school I started boxing for a few years and then weightlifting, during this time I met my current girlfriend who is absolutely beautiful and stunning which I was shocked I managed to pull her. I have been with for 5 years and have been very happy but i must admit I didnt have major feelings for her at first they seemed to develop over time. Within the last 2 years I have finally become very confident and gotten really good at weightlifting and put a lot of size on, for the first time in my life I genuinely feel really good, so never though I would ever feel this good about myself.

About 6 months ago me and my girlfriend decided to get a mortgage on the house, I was 100% sure this was the right decision and was happy to do so. The first few months were great, I enjoyed it a lot, the house is stunning. However I have hit an absolutely huge brick wall with myself, like a sort of midlife crisis and I have felt this way for 2-3 months. Things between me and my girlfriend are great but the sexual side of things and the sexual attraction for me is nearly completely gone even though she really is stunning which confuses me and I can feel myself drifting away from her emotionally, she's also mentioned having children which really scared me as I am no where near ready, I really wish we had rented first to see how things went but it's too late for that now. I am looking back at my life and realising all of the things I have missed out on e.g. a lads holiday, meeting girls, going out and not worrying about doing something wrong, just being completely free and single while feeling confident in myself and having fun, I have never ever done this and I feel really trapped. I am getting a lot of attention from girls and I am texting quite a few behind her back and I feel terrible however it's the only thing exciting me in my life right now is the gym, the lads and flirting with girls.

Don't get me wrong I care for my girlfriend massively but is it fair to keep things going if I feel I am losing feelings for her and am feeling tempted by other women? What if I still feel the same way in 10 years and would have wasted her time, by which point she could of had a new boyfriend and developed a family in a new life It's a really bad situation and my biggest worry overall is ruining her life and breaking her heart, will she ever be able to move on and be ok? I could stay with her but I need to consider my own life, I keep thinking about when in elderly and looking back at my life, what will I wish I had done.

Thankyou or your time, any serious, considerate help/ advice would be great, thanks.

Wow, that's an incredible admission. Are you taking any steroids? Just thought I'd address the elephant in the room since you are a weight-lifter.

In any event, can there be any other reasons for your loss of feeling for your girlfriend? Are you feeling you're not deserving of her? Besides being "stunning" is she compatible with you? Are you still sexually stimulated by porn or other girls? Do you suffer from depression or low self-esteem? You really want to run through all the other reasons for your loss of feeling before you break up. If everything is fine physically, then you should tell your girlfriend as soon as possible so you can both start moving on with your lives.

I feel for you. Unfortunately, as you seem well aware of, buying a house together was a big deal, comparable to marriage in many senses.

I was in a similar situation as you.

I met my girlfriend when I was very young. I was not very attractive, confident, or in great shape.

That was 15 years ago, and time has been pretty generous to me. Older age suits me well and I am in great shape.

I never got attention from woman until after my mid twenties, now it is very surprising how much I get. Blows my mind honestly.

But I have always been crazy about my wife, attention is fun but I couldn't care less in the end.

I have never felt as you described, but I can understand. If I felt that way I wouldn't be able to continue the relationship.

Sometimes it just doesn't pan out in the long run. But you need to let this girl go so she can find what she is looking for, especially if she is starting to want a family.

You can always try to infuse your relationship with romance again, but if you wanted to try that I bet you would have already.

I bet you know what you need to do, just need to hear it from others too.

If this feeling has been a long time in developing, then I think it is over.

Sorry to hear this. However it seems you entered this relationship to assuage your ego because of her looks, admitting you didn't even like her too much. Also you have no common values. Be honest with yourself and her and set her and yourself free so she can pursue someone who loves her and is committed to her and so you can be free to not talk about kids, future and other things that "scare you".

Try to not drag a lifetime of grudges and slights around with you. This is like pulling a tractor trailer around and wondering why your life is so unhappy and bogged down. It's time to stop sulking about whatever happened in kindergarten. You've done a lot to boost your confidence, why not proceed more in that direction? Keep in mind all this comes from within. Not muscle shirts and trophy girl friends.

I have never been confident. I was shocked I managed to pull her. I can feel myself drifting away from her emotionally, she's also mentioned having children which really scared me.

You settled down long before you were actually ready for it.

You're already playing with fire by flirting with other girls behind her back. That's just not right, but it does indicate you are no longer very committed to your girlfriend. You're already testing the waters, and that's usually only possible when someone has largely checked out of their relationship.

My advice? To put it simply, you need to be single for a while. It will hurt your girlfriend, but it will hurt her a lot more if you stay and continue sliding down the path to temptation with other girls and living the single life.

Just because your girlfriend is really attractive doesn't mean you should automatically be massively attracted to her. I recognize attractive people on a daily basis, but I don't automatically have an urge to hop into bed with them all. Some bad things happened at school which knocked your confidence and now you have taken steps to correct it. That's that sorted - end of story! You keep reflecting back on the negatives of your past then you'll just keep going round in circles. As for your relationship, you simply don't want to be in it anymore. I kept growing and changing all through my twenties and who you are now is very different to who you were when you were 19. You are not having a midlife crisis because you are only 24. This ship certainly hasn't sailed for lads holidays and other such young ventures. Your girlfriend will be hurt and sad and understandably distressed that you have just bought a house together but she will be ok in time and she deserves to be with someone that loves her and has the same life goals. Go and get some professional advice about sorting the house out, be honest with your girlfriend and then go and have all your adventures. Heck, I'm 39 and still working through my bucket list!

Sounds like you have moved on from passionate to companionate love (moving in together tends to do that), and seeing things the way they really are, which is lacking. Your lack of emotional connection is probably turning you off to her on the passion side. If your companionate love was any good you wouldn't even be thinking about flirting with other girls. Anyway, you can work on it, I suggest couples counselling if you're serious (it's probably cheaper than the legal mess of dealing with this house). And, I would highly discourage you from ever buying a house with someone you aren't married to. That adds a "married" difficulty, without any of the "married" benefits.

Everyone goes through periods in a romantic relationship where they struggle with attraction and suddenly find themselves tempted by attraction to people who aren't their partner. It doesn't make it right to act on those temptations, but it's natural in our sinful nature to fail at being fully committed to somebody. It's good that you're seriously considering what you should do, but as for worrying about regretting your life, that is quite simply time wasted. Maybe you do need to get out a little more and try these experiences you've been wanting to try, but having regrets and wishing you had a different life will mostly get you nowhere.

I would suggest honestly sharing your feelings with your partner (using discretion how much you share), and let her know you are struggling with these things. If you are not ready for a child, let her know that gently and honestly. Perhaps you could suggest that the two of you see a counselor or a pastor to have some therapy situations together and start to work out your issues.

If you do decide it's best for you two to separate, think long and hard about how it will affect not only her, but you. Will it lower your self-confidence again? Have you considered going on a vacation together, or planning some special dates to try to rekindle the romance? Writing her a letter? Continue to think about the future, and take it one step at a time. I am praying for you.

I never got attention from woman until after my mid twenties, now it is very surprising how much I get. Blows my mind honestly.

*prays this happens to me*

OP:

Not my right to say whether or not you end things, stay together etc etc. You can only do what's right for you. It does however sound like you're inexperienced and unsure. It's a natural part of life and relationships, but a decision is needed.

I think the best thing to do would be, at the very least, to stop flirting with other women. It's disrespectful to your partner, and it's also reinforcing bad behavior. Definitely cut that off, and see how you feel after a period of focusing solely on your partner.