Was it my fault...?

I have been thinking about this for almost 10 years, usually it’s in the back of my mind but recently i can’t get it out of my head. I just wanted someone else’s opinion I guess. When I was 15 I was pretty into partying and drinking and one weekend I had gone out with my friends. We were trashed I remember being drunker then I had ever been anyways some how we ended up at this guys house and he continued feeding us alcohol. Vodka. I remember he didn’t have any mix so he told us to use water. I’m not sure how old he was exactly but I know he was in his 20s. Eventually I remember everyone being passed out either on the couch or the floor. This guy and I were the only ones still awake... he pulled me onto his lap and I remember not being able to get up or do anything about it, he kept trying to lift my shirt off. Next thing I know I’m being thrown onto his bed and he’s undressing me... I remember asking him to stop and saying no but I couldn’t physically do anything to stop it. He suddenly got up and walked out and I tried to stumble my way off the bed but he came back with rubber. I can remember feeling disgusted but I just laid there... I didn’t fight back I just laid there limp. He was getting close to my backside and at that point I was scared I kept begging him not to but the next thing I knew I was flipped over onto my stomach... a while later when he was finished I remember getting dressed and calling someone to pick me up... the next morning when I woke at my friends house that guy texted me... talking to me like I was his friend. I guess the point of me saying any of this is because I want to know... was it my fault? Was I assaulted? Was it ok because he continued talking to me as if nothing happened?

Yes, you were assaulted. No, it was not your fault. I'm really sorry this happened to you. Please, seek help from a trusted professional. You shouldn't have to go through this alone.

Not at all.

It was a decision he consciously made and not you. We've all had drunk teenage nights with friends when we're still figuring out our limits. Anticipating being taken advantage of isn't something you should have to do or expect at that point in your life. Sorry that happened to you and hasn't left you since. But you're absolutely not at fault. Know this.

You were raped. No, it wasn't your fault. He probably tried talking to you like nothing happened because he was worried the next day and felt like it would somehow make up for/soften what he did. He was probably feeling you out to see how much you remembered and to try to ease his mind, hate to say it.