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Thread: Ex girlfriend has new boyfriend

  1. #1
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    Ex girlfriend has new boyfriend

    I donít know how to write this without sounding pathetic and hopeless. Started dating the most amazing woman back in September 2017. The moment I laid eyes on her I knew she was the one. I have never had that feeling before. What I didnít know is all the stuff that was about to hit me head on. 2 months into the relationship she told me that she was a recovering alcoholic. It didnít really bother me, what did though was the fact that she lied about where she was going every morning. Telling me that she had ďwork meetingsĒ every morning. But it was AA meetings obviously that she was going to. I made the mistake of talking to my roommate about it and he basically told me everything I didnít want to hear, which I believed him and let that influence a lot of things. We dated for 7 months and broke up 3 different times in that period. I never wanted to do it in the first place, I loved this woman and would do anything to help her. I got to easily influenced by other peopleís opinions and didnít listen to my own. I love this woman and would do anything to be with her. After the last time we broke up she ended up meeting someone else and that just threw me overboard and really depressed. I cut off all contact with her for 2 months in hopes to reconnect and find a way to get back together. Well that didnít turn out the way I expected. I broke silence and called her the other night. It was like a phone call from hell. All she could talk about was how amazing and successful this new guy is. Heís a lawyer and Iím a bartender mind you. They just got back from an amazing vacation with his kids and her kids. She kept saying how their going to move in together soon with all the kids and be one big happy family. This what not the phone call I was hoping for. She let this guy know right off the bat about how she was an alcoholic and gave him a much better chance than me. I donít know where I went wrong but now I canít even get out of bed. If I do itís to go and drink! All I can think about is wishing that was me, I love this woman to death and it was a huge slap in face to hear all that and how quickly she could move and start a new life with someone else.
    I have never felt this low in life and drinking is the only thing that helps numb the pain. Any help would be great.

  2. 07-26-2018, 11:17 PM

  3. #2
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    I just think thou doth protest too much. What I would take from that conversation is that she's either not wanting to reconcile or wanting to make you jealous, and neither of those bode well for a healthy relationship. Please get yourself the help you need to avoid addiction so that you will be the man you want to be for the next amazing woman that comes along your path. And who cares if the man is a lawyer? That doesn't mean he's better than you.

  4. #3
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    Thank you, even after the last time we broke up she would still call me in the mornings and want to hangout, and for some idiotic reason i fell for it. She was already talking to this person but we would still hangout. When I talked to her the other night she said she did that to get back at me for breaking up with her. I did not think she would move on this quick and already wanting to move in with this guy. He has 3 kids of his own and she has 2. Her kids were amazing to be around and spend time with. I never wanted to breakup the first time, could see myself spending my life with her. Now I have to accept the fact she found someone way better off that can take care of her. The entire 3 hours I was on the phone she talked about all these amazing things with her new relationship. Going on big vacations, moving everyone in together, her telling me sheís been way more happy being with him and that everything is going in the right direction. Apart of me wants to think sheís doing this on purpose to get back at me. Or is trying to put all her problems on someone while she can.

  5. #4
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    What is it you exactly you are wanting to hear? That she is going to come back to you any moment because you two were meant to be together? Or that you are doing everything right to win her back, call her, text her, be in her life to show that you care.

    Or I could tell you the truth and say that it is over. Its a fact you will have to just accept. She met someone knew and has told you that she is happy. Now, if you mean what you say that you love her so much that you are willing to do anything for her, then let her go. I know this sounds counter intuitive but this is the best thing you can do. Right now you are too available and she sees you as a friend. She doesn't see you as someone she wants to be romantically involved with. If you give her time and space, who knows what the future holds but this is not a pass to say wait for her. You two broke up three times? Is that correct? That means that you were someone between other people.. a gap stop.. someone she used to buy her time between meeting people. Now I could very well be wrong but if you met her in Sept of 17 and have broken up 3 times that's not solid by any stretch of the imagination.

    So what you do is move forward with your life and do things you need to do to make you happy again. Be that same guy that attracted her in the first place. I mean, you were not a depressed alcoholic when you met her were you? Or were you in a better place in your life? Moving forward, accepting its over is the best thing you can do for your mental health and your physical well being. I promise you, you will meet someone more amazing and someone who is more into you than this girl ever was.

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  7. #5
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    This relationship was dysfunctional, OP. Breaking up 3 times in just 7 months is a sign you two are not good together.

    Love and codependency are not the same thing. Please, do get yourself some help for the drinking. Drinking to numb the pain is a sign things are spiraling downward for you. Don't let that happen over this woman - she's not worth it.

  8. 07-27-2018, 09:08 AM

  9. #6
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    Ex has new boyfriend
    As nice as it is to here all of these comments from everyone, In my own screwed up head all I do is think about her and picture her with this new guy she’s going to move in with. The only thing that seems to help is too drink until I blackout and forget about everything. Myself finding out from her that she was an alcoholic doesn’t bother me. I wish she would have just told me sooner. I had so many amazing time with her and her kids. In my head it’s a minor detail but I’m 24 and she’s 35, everyone might laugh at that but I’ve always dated older women. When I met her I knew she was the one instantly. Things could have turned out differently if I wasn’t listening to people around me and made my own decisions. She expressed all of what she’s been through in life and what led her to drink. It’s no excuse but I don’t blame her, she’s been through a lot of messed up things. That’s what I love about her the most is that she was able to get through all of that. When I spoke with her the other evening she told me she was 8 months sober. When we were dating she relapsed twice and I saw stuff no one should ever have to witness. It was a very scary time. I told myself it was my fault that I did this to her. Eventually I figured the easiest thing to do was to start drinking just like she did. I sit here tonight writing this hoping for a way to get back with her. The fact that she could move on after 2 weeks of us breaking up and approximately 4 months later when I called her she tells me she loves someone else and her loyalty is to him. She tells me he’s a former alcoholic 12 years sober and that’s it’s been easier to open up because apparently she said I wouldn’t understand it all. I do understand coming from a line of alcoholics in my family. Her telling me that he’s this big hot shot lawyer (I’m just a bartender) taking her and her kids on vacations with him and his kids. Already planning on moving in together after 4-5 months of dating. To me it sounds like she’s just trying to use someone for her own good. Not sure how after 4 months you suddenly fall in love again and already want to move in together. Maybe the lawyer will come to his senses and realize she’s using him for her own personal gain........ side note the first 2 months we dated she kept telling me she had her own place but wouldn’t let me come over, turns out she had to move back in with her mom and there is a very toxic relationship there. Currently her children still live there while she stays with her boyfriend most nights. But there all moving In together soon to become one big happy family after 4-5 months of dating. This triggered me to start drinking until I blackout and forget about it all. I wish I had the mind frame like everyone else to easily forget and move on. I still think about her 24/7 and it won’t escape hense the drinking. Sorry for the rant thanks everyone honestly!

  10. #7
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    No one said they "easily forget and move on". It takes effort.

    It's really down to what you choose to work on: Continuing to pine and obsess over your ex and drink yourself into a blackout and risk your physical health as well as risk becoming addicted to alcohol, or choose to accept the end of the relationship and focus on your own physical and emotional health.

    Nothing worth doing is "easy". I'm sure there are things you've done (work, sports, etc.) that required hard work but you did it because you wanted the end result. This situation is the same; something "hard" that results in something worthwhile.

    Your choice.

  11. #8
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    What is it about her are you missing?
    Its not the happiness because all she did was cause you problems.
    Cant be the stability either because you two broke up 3 times in 8 months.
    You are not missing the honesty because she lied to you about her life.

    So Im going to guess you miss the sex or you she has to be one of the hottest girls you have ever seen. Because honestly there is about 100,000,000 other women in this world that is better than her and you are worried about this one unstable woman.
    Here is the truth. She is looking for stability and someone to take care of her kids and her and give her a future. Notice I didn't say someone to make her happy. This woman was living at home, no future, no money and how long before this big shot lawyer finds some younger hotter girl with no kids?

    Women like her are never going to leave your life because at some point, they will need you for something. If you look back at your 'relationship' it was always One-Way. I bet you that you did A LOT more for her than she ever did for you. I bet you had to jump thru hoops before she did one good thing for you.

    You are better off without her in your life. She is one that will bounce from one person to the next.


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