Had sex but I don't know what to think about this

I just went back from my date. And. It went horrible. Or at least that's what I'm thinking. After diner, I went to his apartment (I've met this guy like 4 years ago, but we saw each other three times only during those 4 years. So you know, I don't know this guy very well). Well, at his apartment we had sex. And um it makes me uncomfortable to tell the guy to use a condom, but I told him like three times. And he was like "hey I heard you I won't have sex without it don't worry". He took it but left it at the side of the bed, and we kept doing 'stuff' you know. At one point, I felt he tried to penetrate me WITHOUT the condom. And I was like.. um... the condom. He put it on, and we had sex. The thing is that at one point - I dont really remember if he was penetrating me or not, I wasnt thinking you know - he started touching me. And then I decided to make another position you know. So when I saw his penis... HE HAD NO CONDOM ON. And on the confusion and scare I started to wonder if he was penetrating me with or without the condom on. He told me that he took it off as soon as he started touching me - so if that's true then he wasn't penetrating me when he was touching me. But that's where the confusion starts. Is it true what he's telling me? He told me like ten times straight that he took it off while he was touching me. But I can't really remember. And the other thing is .. WHY take the condom off in the middle of the act??! He didn't finish! What if I decided to have penetation again at that moment ? He wouldn't be using a condom! I don't know what to think. Via text I asked him again if everything was okay and he told me that he apologizes for making me worry, and that he promises me that nothing more happened, that I have to sleep well tonight (stop overthinking). Am I an overthinker? I really think this is something to worry about. I don't know.

Oh and other thing. He expected me to go down on him after he went down on me. And um considering I barely know him (given the fact that i've seen him only three or four times) I really didnt want to go down on him without a condom on and he seemed a little bit pissed. I mean, how do I know if he has a STD?

Well, condoms aren't fun and there's a real lack of feeling in using them, but the guy violated your trust and he can't be trusted. You were pretty clear that you wanted safe sex, but he had other ideas. I would suggest you don't see the guy again.

In the future, maybe don't have sex with a virtual stranger. You know, learn a bit more about your date, how many long-term relationships they've had and so on. If he's had one one-night stand, there were probably others. You've got to protect yourself.

I would not see this guy again. You were perfectly clear that a condom was necessary (and good for you, as you don't know him well enough to know that he's clean or would make a good Daddy!) and he essentially ignored that and violated your boundary. That would be an absolute dealbreaker for me.

I don't buy he took it off just to touch you; you said you were changing positions, which strongly suggests the act was about to continue. I can't see why he would remove it in that moment. My sense is that your suspicion that he'd already removed it is correct.

When I was single, my personal policy was that if I had to ask a man more than once to use a condom (in the sense that he was refusing or trying to talk me out of it) - no more sex.

This is actually a thing Pillover. I heard about it on an Australian youth current affairs radio show. It is called 'stealthing' and basically men will remove the condom during sex without their sexual partner being aware of it.

It is disgusting behaviour and I agree with the others, you should block him from your life completely. What a jerk!! It is so incredibly dishonest.

He sounds like a jerk. Never proceed with sex that's uncomfortable for you in any way including lack of protection. All you can do is see your doctor for std testing. And delete and block him immediately. Were you both intoxicated? Why did you text him to ask what happened?

HE HAD NO CONDOM ON. Via text I asked him again if everything was okay and he told me that he apologizes for making me worry, and that he promises me that nothing more happened. how do I know if he has a STD?

This is actually a thing Pillover. I heard about it on an Australian youth current affairs radio show. It is called 'stealthing' and basically men will remove the condom during sex without their sexual partner being aware of it.

 

It is disgusting behaviour and I agree with the others, you should block him from your life completely. What a jerk!! It is so incredibly dishonest.

^This. You absolutely should be worried and take appropriate precautions both in terms of potential pregnancy and STD's. Go make an appointment and talk to your doctor, get tested and again retested. This creep didn't just pull this on you, he likely does this constantly.

Also, delete him from your life and never again get into a situation where you get involved with a stranger like that. You are playing with your life and health in more ways than one.

The very "best case" scenario is that you were both inebriated to the point neither of you were responsible enough to engage in safe sex. Personally, I historically haven't taken on faith a woman stating she's on birth control unless I've been with her long enough to have personally witnessed her reliably taking it. You can at least cop a glance at a dude's junk to make sure he's got a condom on immediately before entering you. And him needing to think enough to put one on speaks for itself as a very basic responsibility.

And if intentional (which I'm suspecting is far more likely), your boundaries were consciously violated and in a huge way. Even if he was somehow genuine in wanting to take it off while playing with you, he tried to go bareback at the start. Violating your sexual boundaries only once wouldn't make it much better. Despite your wishes, he, at the very least, could have exposed you to an unwanted pregnancy. If he's got any STDs (would be one of my safer assumptions if this is his MO), that only adds to the violation.

Unfortunately, you'll need to be tested and will likely need to avoid sex altogether for awhile. STDs like syphilis and HIV can take several weeks to screen for, and any future sexual partners you have should be made aware of any risks, assuming them ending up present at all.

UPDATE: He told me that he took the condom off because he noticed it was slippin. So, that's the reason. The thing is, I had to ask him why he took the condom off for him to tell me that. Is this okay? Do he has to tell me evrything he does with the condom during sex? Am I overreacting?

Why are you still talking to him? Let it and him go. Time to look after your own sexual health. Plenty of fish in the sea who won't try to jam an unsheathed penis in you despite your wishes they not.

UPDATE: He told me that he took the condom off because he noticed it was slippin. So, that's the reason. The thing is, I had to ask him why he took the condom off for him to tell me that. Is this okay? Do he has to tell me evrything he does with the condom during sex? Am I overreacting?

In my mind, the appropriate response is to have nothing to do with a guy who couldn't care less about your boundaries or wellbeing.

So he says. It's a crime in certain countries, but not the US. Talk to your doctor and an attorney about this, because it was conditional consensual sex, meaning you consented to protected sex, not the deliberate removal of protection.

This exposes you to anything from HIV, Hepatitis C and B as well as a host of STDs that you will now have to consult a physician for. Ask your doctor to carefully document everything and absolutely mention that the condom was deliberately removed without your consent/knowledge.

Your attorney may be able to recover damages and the cost of your medical exams and treatments as well as the emotional damage that he did. Cut this creep off asap and talk to a counselor about this. And Get A Lawyer. Now.

UPDATE: He told me that he took the condom off because he noticed it was slippin. So, that's the reason.

Yeah, I echo what the others have said, he made a deliberate decision to go against your very reasonable request that the virtual stranger you are about to sleep with put a condom on before penetrating you. This is a bad sign and could end up having some pretty serious consequences (STD's, unwanted pregnancies).

I would stop talking to him, and get tested just in case.