Dating for 6 weeks, his dating profile still online?

Hi good morning everyone,

So I have been dating this guy I met on an online dating site over 6 weeks ago. We have been pretty involved with each other, spent whole days together and talk constantly. We recently agreed to date each other exclusively.

We both met on the same site obviously, and I had deleted my profile quite a while ago. Recently I was curious if he was still on the site so I looked up his user name and to my surprise he was still on the site . My first thought was it must be inactive, but then I checked again and see him online and have seen him online everyday the last few days.

I haven't talked to him about it and I know obviously I should, but is it too early to expect him to remove his profile? I figured once we agreed to only see each other that would be the end of the online dating for him?

If you agreed to date exclusively, then you aren't out of bounds for wanting to define exactly what that means to him. It appears you have different ideas about what exclusivity is, so I think you need to have that conversation as well.

It's actually kind of hurt my feelings now, I thought he really liked me but I see him online the last few days makes me think he's keeping his options open. I feel kind of dumb even bringing it up

He is keeping his options open, no doubt about it. It's also a form of cheating to be honest seeing as he said you would be exclusive.

You don't need to mention that you were on, you could say one of your friends seen him on there.

Either way, he sounds like someone you'd throw back, definitely not a catch worth keeping.

Sorry this is happening. Yes dating exclusively means not pursuing others. What made you want to look him up? Was there a gut feeling about something?

We recently agreed to date each other exclusively.Recently I was curious if he was still on the site so I looked up his user name and to my surprise he was still on the site. My first thought was it must be inactive, but then I checked again and see him online and have seen him online everyday the last few days.

I hate to admit it, but it honestly just made me want to stop talking to him..I can be a jealous person and it's eating me up a bit..I haven't responded to any of his messages this morning because I checked if he was online and he was at the same time he was talking to me..

Yea,I had a gut feeling one day and the curiosity got the best of me. It also doesn't help that I've been lied to and cheated on a lot especially in my last relationship, so I am pretty leary right now to trust. The whole thing just left a bad feeling in my gut and kind of turned me off the guy to be honest

Can't say I blame you. No woman would want to waste her time on a man who is still messing about with other women on a dating site after he talked about exclusivity with you.

Too many people on the dating sites now a days talk the talk but are game players.

Try not to let it get to you. I would personally throw this one back. At least you found out early enough before he did serious damage.

You did the right thing, a girls got to watch her own back and make sure how honest people are being.

Ok it seems the choices are to just break it off stating you're not a match or confronting him. If confronting him, he may not admit it or have excuses or claim you have "trust issues", etc. You may still not be able to trust this going forward. After 6 weeks, perhaps it's best to cut your losses if you've already sensed issues and then confirmed your fears with this discovery.

Yea,I had a gut feeling one day and the curiosity got the best of me. It also doesn't help that I've been lied to and cheated on a lot especially in my last relationship, so I am pretty leary right now to trust. The whole thing just left a bad feeling in my gut and kind of turned me off the guy to be honest

I feel honestly at this point that i would have trust issues with him after this and that I may as well cut my losses. This doesn't seem like an ideal way to start a relationship.. I don't know I'm debating if it's worth talking about it, but my heart is telling me just walk away..

I've been asking myself if it would really be a good idea to start a relationship with this negative experience kicking it all off... And I thought what the difference would have been for me if I saw he wasn't on the site anymore. I realized how happy it would've made me to see that he also had deleted his profile, and would've made me feel like he really likes me and is invested in trying to start up a good relationship. Instead he's keeping his options open...

Keep these points in mind:

1.) If he thought he had found "the one"..(meaning you) and he was ready to date seriously, he wouldn't still be scouring the dating profiles.

2.) Who knows how honest he actually is and if he will continue to lie to you down the road and the cheating could get much worse.

Also keep in mind that not all men are like this.

Thank you Sherry, this is so true. If he was really invested in me, he would've done the same as I did and deleted his profile!

I feel like he is not a totally honest person and I'm trusting my gut on this one, he is making me worry for a reason... He's putting up red flags in my mind for a reason.

I know there are good men out there, they're just incredibly hard to find, especially on dating sites!

I would get rid of him. He's not serious about being exclusive if he's still checking out other options.

Sorry you're experiencing this, PainterGirl. I'd definitely cut ties with this guy, as anyone knows that becoming exclusive means deleting your online dating profiles.

If I were in your shoes, I'd have a difficult time not calling him out on it. Like one of the other poster's suggested, I'd mention something along the lines of a friend seeing his online profile and actively using it, and then break it off from there.

He'll most likely try and convince you that there's been some misunderstanding, that he isn't dating anyone else, etc., but don't buy into it. This guy isn't worth your time.

Please keep us posted!

Don't let one bad apple spoil everything.

I too think you should cut ties with this one, but there are good men out there.

I agree, they are harder to find, but they exist!!

Don't lose hope.

I have been debating whether I will confront him on it or not, I actually took a screen shot that showed him online too incase he denied it. At this point I just haven't responded to him this morning and have him on block. I mostly just want to walk away from this

I have been learning a lot about myself recently and realized that I'm stronger than I thought, and I that I have the power to make a decision and just stick to it and move on, which was always really hard for me before. I've been cutting people and things from my life that don't serve me well with such ease these days, it's been a really liberating experience.ive also made the decision not to settle

Don't do this. It turns the tables on you and makes you look unhinged and him look like "it's a glitch, misunderstanding, etc."...as if you're crazy,obsessed, scorned, etc. he's fine, whatever. Just walk away with dignity.

I have been debating whether I will confront him on it or not, I actually took a screen shot that showed him online too incase he denied it.

This the same guy who lives like 90 minutes away and in whom you lacked enough confidence to pick him over a guy you'd been on like two dates with, the second guy being someone you admit you didn't even feel an attraction to or spark with? To be honest, and it's not saying this guy you're dating now is acting in any prophetic manner, him keeping his options open is probably the better decision he could be making.

There's no reason to confront unless you're a big fan of drama. Take to heart the limited shelf life that had you considering guys you weren't even attracted to over him to begin with. Chalk it up to incompatibility and bad logistics, and don't be so eager to settle. It's not a 90s dating show where you've gotta choose one or the other.

Unless there is some kind of "always on" if he just uses a web browser, then he is at the very least keeping his options open. It sucks to be just "right now" person until they find someone else.

I recommend just breaking it off. No need to have a drama moment despite having the goods on him.

PG, I agree this doesn't look good, and in your shoes, would feel same and want to walk away for sure!

BUT, playing devil's advocate, do you know whether or not he's actually pursuing other women or rather just looking?

OLDing can be rather addictive for some people, and even after meeting, clicking and becoming exclusive with someone, they still like to look, curiosity mostly.

Breaking that addiction can be difficult as with any addiction .

And from what I have read and heard, it's not uncommon for some folks (even after meeting someone they're crazy about and becoming exclusive) to keep an active profile for a couple of months and looking, with no intention of actually pursuing anyone -- again it's just difficult to totally break away if they've been active for a long time.

Not justifying it, it's definitely hurtful, and like I said, I would feel same as you and want to pull back, walk away. A knee-jerk emotional response..

I'm just not sure that's the correct action though, without talking to him first.

Not in an accusatory way, just for a better understanding of exactly where his head is at.

I dunno, it's a tough call.

PT, wondering, who brought up becoming exclusive?

Did you, did he?

If you did, did you make it some sort of condition to continue dating him?

I only ask because unless he's some sort of sociopath (which is possible) I don't know why a man would bring up, or agree to becoming exclusive when what he actually wanted was to keep options open and date other women.

It makes no sense to me, unless again he's some sort of sociopath who gets off on lying to and deceiving women.

Talk to him.

Haven't been on OLD in years, but I do remember that they use all kinds of sneaky ways to give the appearance of people being "active" when in fact they are not. Active can be as simple as you have the app downloaded and automatically signed in and it will show you active even if you haven't opened the app or looked at the site in months. In other words, be careful about jumping to conclusions, because you can be very wrong about this.

Rather than telling him that you caught him being active which can make you look kind of crazy, take a more middle ground approach and just talk boundaries. Even just asking him out of curiosity if he still has his profile up or not can give you an answer. You can start that convo by telling him something along the lines that you are so happy with him that you took your profile down, but now you wonder if he is still on there or not. If he tells you that he doesn't have his profile up, but you know that he does, then that's all you need to know to drop him. You don't need to have any confrontation with him about it, just walk away. If he tells you it's up because of whatever, you can have a civil conversation about boundaries and expectations without coming across badly.

 

 

Rather than telling him that you caught him being active which can make you look kind of crazy, take a more middle ground approach and just talk boundaries.

 

Even just asking him out of curiosity if he still has his profile up or not can give you an answer. You can start that convo by telling him something along the lines that you are so happy with him that you took your profile down, but now you wonder if he is still on there or not. If he tells you that he doesn't have his profile up, but you know that he does, then that's all you need to know to drop him.

 

Agree! Which is how I was going to suggest approaching it too, but didn't want to bombard the OP with so many back to back posts!