Need Advice

My boyfriend always invites his guy friends EVERYWHERE we go. It's either 1 guy friend or 5 of them all together (depending if they arnt working) but the 1 that's always around has the same days off as my bf. At first it didnt bother me when I first met them. My boyfriend would always tell me "let's go to the lake," "let's go to a cabin," "let's go (wherever he wants to go) and I say okay. On our way there he tells me that his 1 friend (the one with the same day off as him) is on his way or sometimes his other friends are on their way as well (his other friends dont have a set schedule so their work days always varies). It annoys me now because he always tells me once were in the car going there. It got on my nerves to the point to where I would snap and say "let me guess? Your friends are coming too?!" And he tells me they arnt yet they "mysteriously" know exactly where were going and are always there. I've told him how I felt and his excuse is ALWAYS "I want you to meet my friends". I've met his friends for over a year now. That's something you say when your first introducing someone to your friends. But c'mon a year of that being his excuse. Is this a normal guy thing? To ALWAYS bring his guy friends literally everywhere with their girlfriend? He even invited them to my 2 kids birthdays when they wanted my kids just wanted it to me just me, and him. They didnt want a big birthday they wanted it to be the 4 of us. He even invited his damn friends for valentines day but that day they all had to work. He plays xbox all day with his friends which I dont care because I play video games too. Those same friends he plays with is who hangs with us. The one friend that has the same says off with him, he works with. My boyfriend literally only got the job because his friend worked there. Am I too much? A part of me is thinking he is gay. I have nothing against gay people I have a cousin that is and friends that are gay but I moved to be with my boyfriend so I have no friends here. He plays all day with his friends, works with 1 if them, and still needs to be around em. It makes me feel like I'm dating his friends as well *sarcasm*. I guess I'm frustrated because I can never have alone time with him. I voiced how I feel and he still invites them everywhere. Is this normal for guys to do????

How old are you all?

I had a similar situation happen when I was 15 years old...in fact, the exact same situation. I asked him nicely to stop inviting his friends to our outings/dates.

Guess what happened? We broke up. If guys are immature like that, and not ready for a serious one on one relationship, they will dump you and go on their merry way.

Not kidding. So basically, get used to the friends or find another guy who doesn't need his friends everywhere he goes.

You brought up some good points. I did pick up on the fact that he does seem to be avoiding intimacy with you and being alone with you. There's also the feeling that he's treating you just like one of his "buds" rather than as a girlfriend.

But there's this Millennial characteristic going on where Millennial kids hung out in pods or packs or groups with both boys and girls together, and to people in my generation, it seems like strange behavior. I think you're describing it here. They're never alone with just another person. They always have to be in groups to feel comfortable. And when a lot of Millennials write in, they talk about "being" with a girl they like for a year, but when you ask them if they've been out on a date, it's like, what's a date? Or the girl was just in their group and they never talked to her outside the group and didn't know how to talk to them alone.

You know, to me, being at the tail end of the Baby Boomers, we went out on dates, kissed, held hands, sat out under the stars, made love, got married and had kids. Gen X-Y (like the TV show "Friends") they hung out in a group in college and then kept their friends after school, but eventually settled for getting married and having kids, although they seemed to have more friends in their lives than the Baby Boomers.

The Millennials, however, hung out in groups from pre-kindergarten right on through college, and they don't like to be alone. I mean, look at today's video games where everything is played in large groups versus the loner games like Pac-Man or Asteroids. They go out in groups, live with roommates, and frequently have people sleeping over in their own beds without even thinking things of a sexual nature.

Your boyfriend seems very much a part of the Millennial stereotype.

So what does that mean to you? I think you're not compatible. I don't think he's gay, but I can see how frustrating it is that he has to do everything in a group. I understand that you're a bit isolated, but you may go crazy trying to put up with this immature guy and his friends. The decision of what to do is up to you, but it doesn't look good for your relationship.

No, this is not a normal guy thing, OP. This is also not a simply a millennial thing, as plenty of younger people have dates and alone time with their partners.

He appears to be avoiding being alone with you. That is concerning. Do you two ever have time for the just the two of you? How often are you intimate?

No, this is not a normal guy thing, OP. This is also not a simply a millennial thing, as plenty of younger people have dates and alone time with their partners.

 

He appears to be avoiding being alone with you. That is concerning. Do you two ever have time for the just the two of you? How often are you intimate?

I agree. It also depends how you feel about social/group dynamics. I am particular about it - if I make plans with one person to catch up I do not want anyone else there and especially not last minute. I relate. Others are "the more the merrier." I think he has that fear of missing out -and he wants you there so he can tell himself he is "with" you too. There's a balance. I think it's great if there are group activities -including your friends too, and times you hang out separately, etc but if you plan a one on one it should be one on one unless it's a non-issue if others join -like simply going to the same movie and having dinner separately beforehand. Ask him from now on and if he says others might come say "that's great - I would prefer one on one so let me know when you have that time."

What have you done to make your own friends/acquaintances/meet people?

You brought up some good points. I did pick up on the fact that he does seem to be avoiding intimacy with you and being alone with you. There's also the feeling that he's treating you just like one of his "buds" rather than as a girlfriend.

 

But there's this Millennial characteristic going on where Millennial kids hung out in pods or packs or groups with both boys and girls together, and to people in my generation, it seems like strange behavior. I think you're describing it here. They're never alone with just another person. They always have to be in groups to feel comfortable. And when a lot of Millennials write in, they talk about "being" with a girl they like for a year, but when you ask them if they've been out on a date, it's like, what's a date? Or the girl was just in their group and they never talked to her outside the group and didn't know how to talk to them alone.

 

You know, to me, being at the tail end of the Baby Boomers, we went out on dates, kissed, held hands, sat out under the stars, made love, got married and had kids. Gen X-Y (like the TV show "Friends") they hung out in a group in college and then kept their friends after school, but eventually settled for getting married and having kids, although they seemed to have more friends in their lives than the Baby Boomers.

 

The Millennials, however, hung out in groups from pre-kindergarten right on through college, and they don't like to be alone. I mean, look at today's video games where everything is played in large groups versus the loner games like Pac-Man or Asteroids. They go out in groups, live with roommates, and frequently have people sleeping over in their own beds without even thinking things of a sexual nature.

 

Your boyfriend seems very much a part of the Millennial stereotype.

 

So what does that mean to you? I think you're not compatible. I don't think he's gay, but I can see how frustrating it is that he has to do everything in a group. I understand that you're a bit isolated, but you may go crazy trying to put up with this immature guy and his friends. The decision of what to do is up to you, but it doesn't look good for your relationship.

Very good analysis, from one baby boomer to another. I think that's the problem here. OP get used to it or move on.