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Totally lost


Anonymous454

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I knew this girl for years online. Loved each other immensely, visited each other cross country when we could, the whole nine yards. We moved in and the spark was there for a few months but the area we lived together sparked a lot of negativity in both of us, and I had a ton of trouble adjusting. We lived together nearly a year and I broke things off because of the severe depression I faced living there and I pushed it onto her without realizing it. We were unhappy and I moved back to where I lived to try to get a grip, but we talked nearly every day and it gave me no space to reflect on it.

 

So I pushed her away more. I even saw other people casually despite not wanting to at all just to get away from her neediness and dependence on me. I had no idea why I was doing these things. I convinced myself "i'm single, may as well make the best of it," and only managed to avoid my problems further and depress myself even more.

 

But recently, I decided to address the issue after realizing how stupid I was acting. I told her I still had feelings for her. But she had 'let go' as she put it and isn't seeking a relationship right now, though admits she actively flirts with others and has sexted/kissed others. I tried resparking things naturally, I've tried talking it out, but she talked to me like a therapist would (ex: I'm sorry you feel that way, that type of non confrontational speaking style).

 

I reached my wits and and we had a long argument that ended up with me trying to cut contact before things get worse, but she convinced me to be her friend as long as she stopped flirting. A really unhealthy compromise. I realized that and cut contact last week.

 

I'm really sorry to have typed all that out. I guess all i'm really trying to ask is, did I do the right thing? I love this girl and made a ton of mistakes. I only want the best for her and in the past we've had really great times. I've never gone more than a week without texting her before and now i'm doing it intentionally. It doesn't feel right yet i'm enjoying my life again.

 

What am I doing? Is it right?

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Yes, you are definitely doing the right thing! You said yourself that you are enjoying your life again, and this is sure to continue to improve without a toxic relationship hanging around your neck.

 

Your post made me realise how it is so true that online relationships usually don't have the necessary foundations for becoming healthy, stable, rewarding, real relationships.

 

No contact sounds like a very good idea, so that you can heal and move on. The relationship was so obviously toxic and I don't think that it was contributing to your quality of life.

 

Maybe you could take the time to learn about yourself, talk to a therapist and grow as a person? These things are always so much more rewarding than going around the loop constantly in a relationship that is fundamentally flawed.

 

Good luck!

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As Chai said, yes, you did the right thing. Girls always do the "let's be friends" thing, but it never works out. She's only trying to let you down easily. Your best route is to go No Contact. Stop talking to her, stop contacting you, stop texting her, etc. If she contacts you, don't read it, just delete it. Any kind of contact just keeps reopening your old wound and you can never heal as long as that is going on. It also lets her move on too. Sorry things didn't work out between you, but as they say, you love and you learn.

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