Obsessed with other women on social media

Just a little background, I've been with my fiancee' for 8 years, living together for 6 and have two children together. When we 1st met I was overweight however in my opinion I was still attractive despite the few extra pounds and kept myself up. A few years into our relationship I found hundreds of pictures of women on social media saved to his phone/computer. To make it worse some of the pictures are of people that we both associate with, his friends gf's, my friends and even some of my family members. I flipped out and he admitted to me he does it mainly because of my weight. Since then we've had several arguments about it, I've lost and gained (like i said before we have 2 kids) and he still continues to obsess over women on social media daily. I've explained to him many times how it makes me feel, he says he'll stop and does it again. It makes me feel very uncomfortable especially when I see my friends/family pics saved on his phone. He's fantasizing about them and masturbating to them, I think it's gross and I can't take it anymore. I recently lost over 100lbs and it's like it doesn't even make a difference to him. I thought if I lost the weight things would be better and they're not . I just sit at home all day and starve myself whilst taking care of his children and cooking and cleaning the house. He comes home and barely even looks at me. We moved almost 200 miles away from whatever friends I had and my whole family for his job. We're not married and everything is in his name, even the children have his last name and not mine. I have nowhere to go and don't know what to do anymore, I feel trapped. I don't even really want to leave I just wanted him to love me but I feel like I've tried everything to make him happy and he's still miserable.

Your relationship has become abusive, evidenced by the fact that your self-esteem is in the toilet. He may have blamed you for his masturbatory habits, but it was never your fault. I am someone who thinks masturbation is a healthy act, but I agree his behavior in this case is extreme and inappropriate.

Bottom line: you aren't happy. You can't convince someone to love and commit to you, and it doesn't sound like he's putting the effort that you are in. It's time to move on. Start reaching out to family and friends for support. Rebuilding your life will be difficult, but I guarantee it is worth it.

Yeah, I agree. He's become abusive. It's not your weight that's the issue. Part of emotional abuse is he'll always find something to pick on you about. You're too skinny, you're too fat, etc. It's a way to control and manipulate you. He's checked out of your relationship, unfortunately. He's also isolated you so that you have no place to go. You need a plan to get away from the guy. Until you can get away, try building your self-esteem by not arguing with your boyfriend and try to take the high road by ignoring him and his attempts to rile you. Keep in mind that it's not you, it's him. You can Google emotional abuse and how to deal with it for more information. If you can turn the tables on him, you can get the upper hand.

Sorry to hear this. All you can do is stop being a bored house-gf and get out more. Join clubs groups etc for mothers and for sustained fitness goals. Possibly work part time to build your confidence and independence. You can't nag him about the pics because it won't stop the behavior. It's also not your fault he's doing this. Stay fit and healthy for yourself and your kids, not him. It sounds like he's a creep and wants to keep you where you are...down and out, barefoot and pregnant with zero self-esteem and independence.

He does not want a balanced partnership no less a marriage. Getting love,affection and respect from someone like him is like expecting to get blood from a stone. All you can do is build yourself up as much as possible and consider leaving and living with your parents/family until you get on your feet. Also since you are not married and have no income nor assets and are basically destitute because of this...go to social services for help with your health, counseling, career assistance, child care assistance, etc. You are not trapped. You can leave him for family or do all you can to obtain independence and leave him.

He's fantasizing about them and masturbating to them.I just sit at home all day and starve myself whilst taking care of his children and cooking and cleaning the house. We're not married and everything is in his name. I have nowhere to go and don't know what to do anymore, I feel trapped.

So when you first met was it a few extra pounds or 100 pounds? I ask because there is a difference - health-wise and then I would want to know whether you had decided to lose the weight when you met him and how you "kept yourself up" -do you mean internally as far as health and fitness or makeup/clothing. Yes, you had children and yes some women have that stubborn 10 pounds that won't go away - but no, having kids doesn't cause 100 pounds overweight. (I had one child, in my early 40s, gained 35-40 pounds, lost it all and more within 5 months, my sister had 4 children in 9 years and never was overweight outside of being pregnant, for example - and many women have children and lose the weight or at least almost all of it within a year at the outside unless they have other metabolic/medical/thyroid issues unrelated to pregnancy). Also when is your wedding date? If you don't have one, why and why are you "engaged" if you're not planning a wedding? What does engagement mean?

Please understand -I feel for you as to how hard it is to lose weight. And it is awesome that you lost 100 pounds! And I know it will be a real challenge to maintain from what my friends tell me. A man should love you no matter what and treat you with respect. And if you are very overweight or constantly yo-yoing AND also not in good health that will be a cause for concern even in the best relationships especially since your children depend on you to have enough energy/be healthy, etc.

I see the inappropriate behavior on his part as a separate issue. It's awful and jerky and it's not because of your weight because if he found you unattractive then he could have ended things with you and moved on rather than acting inappropriately.

I find the excuses you made about your weight related to your choices to be passive about getting out there, getting healthy, fit, meeting people (I mean people for platonic/social/professional reasons), getting marketable skills or taking classes, etc. You act like you just go with the wind - you do whatever he says, you are his victim when it comes to moving away, etc. You are not - you are in control of a lot of this - so you need to work on yourself and on making better choices. Since he apparently is addicted to the social media inappropriate behavior one of those choices may be to get away from him. To do that you need $, a place to live and possibly family support when it comes to child care, at least temporarily. He will have to pay child support. Make a list of your general goals and then get really specific so that each day you take at least one baby step towards your goal. And I'd look for free/low cost counseling in your area to help you with this path. I am sorry he's acting like a jerk and behaving this way. And I think you owe it to yourself and your kids to start making changes from your passive/victim status to making changes in whatever ways you are in control. And there are many if you're willing to get to work.