My LDR ex messaged me yesterday

As you all know what I'm going through, 2 weeks ago I broke up with my ex LDR partner because it was too toxic. However, I felt and was doing better when the "relationship" ended. I try to make myself better by writing on journals and go out with my friends. I finally realized I did the right decision.

HOWEVER, just 4 days ago, my ex LDR partner suddenly DM me on instagram cause I was asking on my instagram story what song I can write about for my journal/diary. He told me "Hey! I suggest you do (insert song name) it's my favorite" and as someone who is moving on, I seen his message only and completely ignored it.

Just yesterday, he messaged me again but this time this was much different. He said "I'm so excited! Celine Dion's concert tonight in the BEAUTIFUL (insert my city's name)" I was planning not to reply but suddenly, it made me think "Wait, did he not cancel his supposed flight here on August???" As much as I wanted to avoid replying to him, I wanted to know if he really did cancel his expensive flight or not.

So I asked him "Excited on what?"

His reply was "Excited to see Celine Dion's concert. It was amazing and beautiful. But it's late so I'm leaving (insert my city name) to Hong Kong" then I realized he was implying he was trying to say HE WAS HERE yesterday in my city knowing he's lives in Europe and I'm from Asia.

I just laughed it off and ignored his messages, didn't reply to him anymore. Cause it sounded like he was either lying or desperate to get my attention. How on earth is he here in my city just 2 weeks after our break up? Even IF it's true he's here, why is he even saying all of this to me? As if I wanna meet him jeez. I don't even wanna see him.

I do want to know though, was he telling the truth or was he lying? If so, why is he saying all of this to me?

I do still have little feelings for him but not replying to his last messages made me realized I'm not gonna go back to him anymore. It was too toxic. I've been doing better ever since our relationship ended and my depression has been lifted since then. I do believe time really does heal.

Qwerty, in kindness, you have to stop with this nonsense.

This was not a relationship and you never even met the guy. He's clearly toying with you and continuing to use your naivety to his full advantage. He is not a good person and he likes seeing you jump to attention. This is about his ego; it has nothing to do with any "feelings" he has for you. And yes, he was most likely lying. I would put money on that, in fact. You have gotten yourself involved with one disturbed individual.

Block him. Focus on getting out in the real world and developing real relationships. Carrying on cyber relationships is only going to hurt you, as you get too attached to something that was just a fantasy. Take better care of yourself, girl.

This should be all the evidence you need to realize this was an extremely unhealthy situation:

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=552101

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=552121

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=552122

Qwerty, in kindness, you have to stop with this nonsense.

 

This was not a relationship and you never even met the guy. He's clearly toying with you and continuing to use your naivety to his full advantage. He is not a good person and he likes seeing you jump to attention. This is about his ego; it has nothing to do with any "feelings" he has for you. And yes, he was most likely lying. I would put money on that, in fact. You have gotten yourself involved with one disturbed individual.

 

Block him. Focus on getting out in the real world and developing real relationships. Carrying on cyber relationships is only going to hurt you, as you get too attached to something that was just a fantasy. Take better care of yourself, girl.

Thank you for your honesty. Lately I have been doing better. The moment I ended my interaction with him, I tried to explore myself by doing hobbies and did some job hunting. Day by day, I feel that my emotions are going back to the right places again. I felt better than ever.

MissCanuck, now that you showed me my old posts, looking back, I felt ridiculous being head over heels to this guy I never met. It will also be a reminder to me online relationships are never really "relationships"

You shouldn't even be reading any messages from your online boyfriend. It doesn't matter if he's telling the truth or not. Do not read or answer any messages from him.

He needs to be blocked. He will bread crumb you until you cut off his access to you.

Was he lying? Who knows? But you put on this act of 'I don't care' and follow it up by asking us to explain the thing you don't care about. Like come on, that's insulting to me, because it's coming off like a 13 year old playing games. You are attached to this man and you have to begin detaching and you can start by blocking him.

Well this is my first post after reading so damn many. Just like Qwerty, I had met someone on an app back in 2014. Him and I became good buddies and quickly became drawn to each other, however, I kept my distance and my most personal info to myself. After years of being single and emotionally damaged from an abusive relationship with my first bf which I had a child with and left, I was scared. I ended up deciding to opened up to him and let him in. As months passed we had decided we wanted to meet but I knew it was just going to be near impossible. We both live states away. I was hesitant and conflicted. That confliction made me lash out on him. I wanted more but knew it just wasn't going to work. We became distant and with time we eventually started texting again. I fell back into my conflicted ways. In 2015 he said he would come see me but instead went and dated an old crush. I was devasted. In my mind and heart I saw a glimpse of hope. I went NC when he offered me just friendship. I will admit I cried over it for a good 2 weeks silently. As the weeks passed I felt more like myself and never expected to hear from him again. Into 2 months of NC he texted me how he had had a dream about me. I was quite surprised and honestly didn't care much. As we continue casually texting he would tell me about his crush. How she told him she wasn't ready to be in a relationship that maybe in the future. Often times when a person tells you that they don't want a relationship, it usually means they don't want it with you. Confirmed when she started dating some other guy months after. Him and I grew closer again but I was reluctant. I was moody towards him and resentful for it. In 2016 we finally got to meet in person. We were able to spend a day together since he was in my state for other reasons. It was just perfect it felt natural. From there we fell in and out I struggled just trying to push him away because somewhere deep inside I knew it wasn't healthy. In 2017 we both became restless with the whole "friends with interest" and in August we called it quits when I became ill and had surgery and he went off to school. When I had found out I needed surgery I texted him to let him know. He was distant and busy with going off to school. I didn't care I knew I had a long recovery ahead of me. After surgery I became very depressed as I saw my life just be put on hold, however, we casually texted each other. He was lonely and away from home. Depression consumed me. In December he wanted nothing to do with me. He wanted to stop texting to stop everything since he saw no hope for us. I was sad but understood since I had alot going on as well. We both knew that things with us weren't meant to be. A week into NC he texted me that he was going to be in my state and staying 15 mins away from me doing his apprenticeship! (The irony of that!) I was like NO NO NO. He wanted to see me and determined to and I caved in. I felt so much for him. From there we had the opportunity to get to know each other in person. And even then he said he wasn't pursuing a relationship because of school and his goals I tried to bargain with him. When he saw that I gave up and didn't even want to give him a hug he pulled me right back in. We acted as a couple even though he continue arguing about not believing in "labels". I was determine to show him how I much I loved him. He went back home 3 months after. He still didn't want a relationship and in my mind I just didn't understand why? He felt stuck in life? He felt like he still had plenty of do with himself. I understood yet kept a nasty attitude about it. Deep inside his lack of commitment and "almost together" made me feel and act miserable. I was depressed. Two months after he went back home I went to visit him. Those days were just perfect. We were both so happy that I asked him to be mine and he asked me to be his one night. I hugged him so tight before I left and told him I would miss him. When I left I felt like things were incomplete. He should've asked me instead of me asking him. It felt right though when he would tell me he loved me and kissed me. Once I was back home it was a whole roller coaster of emotions for me. He could tell that I was happy and then unhappy. Something just didn't feel right and I felt incomplete. He was always so sweet and understanding yet I would lash out. I felt stuck and depressed about how things were going for me in life... slow. After a month and a half of trying the whole LDR it just didn't feel right. I was conflicted with my path and how it didn't meet his. His words hardly matched his actions. He would talk about all his future goals and he would often include me in them when I just wanted to grab my s*** and go to him. It was an uncertain move specially when I knew it would also bring changes for my son. I was unhappy with life. One day after him calling me a few times and having pleasant conversations, on the last call he didn't call me back like he said he would. I was upset that when he texted me instead I lashed out. From there things just went downhill. He kept distance from me. I apologized all weekend and yet didn't see a reaction out of him. That Monday I asked him if he wanted me to leave him alone? He didn't reply until Tuesday. He said so many things. Pretty much that I was a very good friend but we weren't ready for a relationship. That he didn't feel like it was worth it specially since I would get upset about little things. Little did he know I was upset because I was going to tell him I had gotten the weekend off from work to go spend it with him. I couldn't believe what he was saying and the best thing then was for me to let him go. I knew he was stressing out because he has to return to school in August and so many other things. He offered me friendship and I declined. I told him I just couldn't sit back and watch him move on with someone else. He told me he wouldn't but I just can't be just friends with someone I'm in love with. He stopped replying after that. I texted him a few times letting him know that I was so hurt that I was going to change my number (which I didn't) and just pretty much telling him how easy he had given up on us. How I loved him so much and how I felt like I had lose my soulmate... no reply. I left the weekend pass and that Monday I texted him telling him that I wanted the best for him and that I just needed closure. No reply. I cried. I stopped trying.. I knew that if I texted him and he didn't reply I would just feel like s****. I decided to NC. I feel like it was a wake up call to continue and not wait for him to make my moves. I feel like I have enough strength to get back on my feet for my son and myself . Applied at a few jobs since the one I have stresses me out too much. I started exercising more and keeping myself busy, teaching myself how to play the piano and looking forward to going back to school at the end of August. I still find myself reading as much as I can about this sort of stuff. I look at the calendar every day and see how soon he will be returning to school as well. He will be busy with his studies and lonely away from family and friends. I will continue NC and see what happens. I was reading how it takes up to 8 weeks for someone to start really missing you. After everything him and I have gone through long distance I am curious of our outcome this time around. There's days I wish he would just text me telling me everything I need to hear and there's days I feel normal without him. I'm one week into no contact. Often times things happen for a reason and the fault is never one sided. Take a deep breath you're young and things usually just fall into place really. Long distance anything is a roller coaster just like irl.

Hi Nottoday and welcome. :)

I don't usually read long walls of text (hurts my eyes), but your story was so compelling, I was quickly drawn in and read the entire thing!

I have some thoughts about your situation and would like to respond, but since this isn't your thread and don't want to derail, would you be open to cutting and pasting your story into your own thread?

If not, I understand, doesn't sound like that was your purpose for posting it anyway (garnering responses), but I do have some thoughts, as others might as well, that might help you on your journey to healing and give you strength.

Yeah I didn't think it would turn out that long. And how do I do that? I would like some insight or opinions.

Nvmd I figured it out. I open its on thread under LDR experience.