Jump to content

Did anyone try some incentives for a materialistic dumper (6y relati) to return?


Mark33

Recommended Posts

Hi

 

I know I will get a lot of hate for this, but this situation is different than the usual stories on ENA.

 

Girlfriend is 10 years younger and we lived together for 6 years.

 

Based on her reactions, I noticed that she was warm and affectionate mainly when she had no money and

I was paying for everything (food, accomodation, etc)

 

She did ask me more than 100 times "Please my love, buy me plastic surgery, buy me lifting" etc

but generally I didn't make any huge spendings for her.

 

6 years is a long time, I believe I am codependent, and she abused me, insulted me, hitted me, beated me up few times,

and she was changing balancing between sweet warm cute behaviour and abusive behaviour towards me,

maybe because I acted weak sometimes (like for example when my mother was in hospital).

 

One day she slept with colleague from work and from that time she only sent me some 2 very violent angry messages

in which she was making false accusations towards me (also something common that she did in the past).

 

Needless to say, I couldn't sleep for almost 3 days in a row by now, and didn't eat anything today yet.

Everyday is an ocean of immense pain and suffering going through my entire body.

I have never felt so bad in my entire life. And 6 years - I don't want to these 6 years to be lost.

 

6 years spent everyday together, I don't want to vanish just like that, out of the blue.

 

In the past she broke up with me more than 35 times, always returning after 2-3 days with nice warm messages,

we met and continued relationship. This time though she didn't text back anything nice anymore.

 

How can I incentivize her return?

 

Now I would absolutely agree to pay for her plastic surgeries that she wanted,

but I don't know the right, nonchalant way, to propose it

 

Thank you all

Link to comment

A therapist would take many years of going back and forth about my damaged codependent life. Plus probably much more money than these plastic surgeries she wants.

 

I feel much too bad, after 6 years of relationship and living together, to just lose such a large part of my life (6 intense years).

 

60% of humans have some sort of personality disorder anyway.

 

Men are providers, my girlfriend came from a poor family.

 

Let's just consider and discuss some creative options

 

Thank you very much

Link to comment

You think trying to buy her love will actually work???

 

News flash...she does not love you. You could buy her an entire brand new body and she'll ask for more because it will be clear you allow her to use you for money.

 

Why not find a woman who truly loves you?

Link to comment

She stayed for 6 years next to me, while I repaired her life, and her diseases.

 

When I first met her, 6 years ago, she was cutting herself, was taking overdoses, had violent outbursts, she was suicidal,

and had a "fantasy" that she fulfilled about working as a prostitute. She had sex with several guys as a prostitute, but the experience was not as intense as she was hoping for,

so then she returned to me.

 

I helped her with doctors, I made her life very good, and she is clean now. I fixed her life and saved her life many times.

 

For years I paid everything for her, and she stayed next to me. She told me many times in the past that she loves me.

 

Not all relationships in the world are the same. I am not perfect either, and I am very thin and I have depression, so girls are generally not attracted to me.

 

I am hoping for a little more empathy. Thank you

 

P.S. I improved a lot since last time I visited this board, I changed in many ways. Thank you

Link to comment

Going to be harsh here, but WHY the f*** would you want to incentivize the return of someone who you claim has abused you physically, mentally, and emotionally, left you over 35 times (you kept count?), only shows you affection when it's convenient for her, CHEATED on you and then essentially blamed you for it, etc.?!?!?!?!?!?!?

 

You should be GLAD she is gone after 6 long years of abuse, in fact, you should have kicked her to the curb a long time ago. She doesn't love you and it's likely that she never did.

 

I'm not sure why you feel the need to punish yourself and put yourself through pain and misery in this way, OP, but I agree with j.man... you're f***ed.

Link to comment
She stayed for 6 years next to me, while I repaired her life, and her diseases.

 

When I first met her, 6 years ago, she was cutting herself, was taking overdoses, had violent outbursts, she was suicidal,

and had a "fantasy" that she fulfilled about working as a prostitute. She had sex with several guys as a prostitute, but the experience was not as intense as she was hoping for,

so then she returned to me.

 

I helped her with doctors, I made her life very good, and she is clean now. I fixed her life and saved her life many times.

 

For years I paid everything for her, and she stayed next to me. She told me many times in the past that she loves me.

 

Not all relationships in the world are the same. I am not perfect either, and I am very thin and I have depression, so girls are generally not attracted to me.

 

I am hoping for a little more empathy. Thank you

 

P.S. I improved a lot since last time I visited this board, I changed in many ways. Thank you

 

We ARE showing you "empathy". You just aren't hearing what you want to hear. That if you buy her these "plastic surgeries" she will love you, be devoted to you, stop abusing you and be your wonderful loving girlfriend.

 

Buying her"plastic surgery" guarantees nothing except you will be proving you are her doormat and you will do anything to try to get her to love you.

 

She does not love you. I'm sorry, but people who love you do not abuse you, break up with you 35 times and demand you pay for expensive surgeries.

Link to comment

So basically you are saying that you'd rather spend a small fortune on this abusive psychopath to come back and abuse you some more, instead of spending that money on yourself to fix your personal issues, so you can lead a healthy, happy life and find a healthy relationship. I mean....ok....it's your life, your choice.

 

As for I don't want the 6 years to be a waste. You are looking at it wrong. You HAVE wasted 6 years of your life on this - time you are never going to get back - and you absolutely shouldn't be wasting even one more day on this. You simply don't keep investing money into a bankrupt business that has closed it's doors. You cut your loses and find a healthy business. Know when to stop damaging yourself.

 

Quite frankly, you are speaking and acting a lot like a victim of severe abuse - you can't imagine life without your abuser. Let me assure you that it's out there and better than you can imagine right now, but you do need to get yourself help to heal and get past this.

Link to comment

It's actually 10%. It sounds like a lot of rationalizing. Why did she leave your for this coworker?

A therapist would take many years of going back and forth about my damaged codependent life. Plus probably much more money than these plastic surgeries she wants.60% of humans have some sort of personality disorder anyway.
Link to comment

If you're really serious about your post, you need some serious help. You're being bled. The sex isn't worth it. There are nice girls out there, not women who cheat on you, are doing tricks, and keep breaking up with you 35 times. Time to end it.

Link to comment

"The average cost of facelift cosmetic surgery ranges from $6,000 to $15,000" (http://www.yourplasticsurgeryguide.com/face-lift/cost.htm)

"In terms of dollars and cents it is impossible to say what one should pay. Ideally, our medical delivery system is set up so that one pays only what one can afford. As a consequence, fees will range from as little as $1.00 or $2.00 to $200.00 to $250.00 per hour." https://www.counselorlink.com/faqs/cost-of-counseling/

 

15000/250 = 60

 

You can have 60 counseling sessions for the cost of the facelift. 60 counseling sessions will not cure you, but I would think it would make a considerable dent. That is more than a year of sessions if you go about once a week. You have spent 6 years chasing this abusive woman - probably more than 6 years chasing other abusive women or women who just did not love you. Spend 1 year on counseling and see what happens.

Link to comment

I hate when women do this money grubbing stuff and get away with it. It's so obvious and you want to let her do it to you anyway. What do you think you'll get in return? She'll have no respect left for you after you spend that kind of money on her. She might be sweet for a little while but I bet she'll barely be able to fake it if she even lets you touch her. She won't stay, why would she if you bought her a better body. You'll be lonely plus out that money, I promise. You will not have bought her. Unless you have unlimited funds to keep showering her with more and more. Do you have that kind of money? If you don't, then don't do this. It's not going to get her back. She was gone a long time ago, 6 years of history or not. You just don't want that to be true so you are acting out of desperation.

 

You don't have to go to counseling. Maybe read some books though, try to find more to life than user women. Or, save your money for a foreign bride but a different one than this one who is done with you. I hate that advice but I think if you don't do the cliched thing and pick a gorgeous much-younger girl (who will only restart the user money grubbing cycle), you *might* be able to find a genuine one who really will be willing to be with you in exchange for getting out of her third-world country.

Link to comment

Quite frankly, you are speaking and acting a lot like a victim of severe abuse - you can't imagine life without your abuser. Let me assure you that it's out there and better than you can imagine right now, but you do need to get yourself help to heal and get past this.

 

Yes, that is true. The things I went through deserve a book and the story to be told whole on its own.

 

For example she would insist very much on drinking, and then she became very violent. Hitting me without stop, breaking apart my clothes in public places, and screaming at me that I am nothing compared to her exboyfriend.

She told me her fantasies are to have unexpected sex with demons and with serial killers (in all seriousity).

 

She had no empathy whatsoever for me, although she would send me cute animals, small cats pictures, babies and small pigs pictures very often, and those made her very happy.

 

She would be sweet and cute for one hour, and then at no matter with what logical response I would dare to contradict her, her facial expressions change dramatically.

She will hit me, push me, and not let me leave the house for example. Or chase me on the street for hours, if I tell her to stop this violent behaviour.

 

She would find the insults that are most acid, that hurt the most, and she repeated them, although they had zero connections with reality.

 

I know it's a matter of serious Stockholm Syndrome after 6 years, my rational part understand that, but my emotional part idealizes her good moments

and bring me to tears all throughout the day,

 

Some things that she said this year to me: "I want to kill all children with small heads in your country!", "analphabet!", "idiot!", "you stink!", "you are old and disgusting!" (I am 36 years old, she is 26),

 

She told me not just once in a morning: "Everytime you sleep I watch you and I want to kill you. But that's normal, everyone feels the same, but don't worry we only think about it, we don't actually do it".

She actually never tried to do this, but she walked on my head twice with her feet while I was sleeping, angry because "you breathe and I cannot sleep because of you!"

 

She bullied 1 or 2 of her highschool colleagues into suicide. Then later, after few years, she was still visiting their cemetery graves and asked me to come and show to me. She was also telling me about the horrible smells from

some crypts from the cemetery. She was attracted to all types of very sick and horror movies with satan and demons

 

The worst was shen she hitted me with knives over my face, on the street, impulsively, and only the fact that I was wearing sunglasses,

made that the knives cuts on my face made by her violent impulsive act be only over my lips, mouth, nose and forehead but my eyes were not affected

so I thank God that I am not blind at this moment.

 

It is true that all these events sound like from a horror movie at some moments, but this intense type of life, with very low and dangerous lows, but also with highs (the sex at the beginning was out of this world)

is something I never experienced before her, and my body seems to have terrible pain and suffering adapting without her, after being with her for basically everyday in the last 6 years.

Link to comment

And all that is why therapy is crucial.

 

Instead of wasting your money buying her "plastic surgery" that will result in her using her new body to attract other men, how about investing in your emotional health instead? If you have the money for "plastic surgery" for her, you certainly have the money for therapy.

Link to comment
So basically you are saying that you'd rather spend a small fortune on this abusive psychopath to come back and abuse you some more, instead of spending that money on yourself to fix your personal issues, so you can lead a healthy, happy life and find a healthy relationship. I mean....ok....it's your life, your choice.

 

Quite frankly, you are speaking and acting a lot like a victim of severe abuse - you can't imagine life without your abuser. Let me assure you that it's out there and better than you can imagine right now, but you do need to get yourself help to heal and get past this.

 

She was not all the time abusive. She was very intense in everything she did, and she did push away and alienate all of my friends. I was isolated by her, and she was reactive most of the time, and very impulsive.

 

The problem is one of survival, I do not see that light or hope that life can get better or all this immense ocean of pain and suffering can stop.

 

That is why I am looking at alternative solutions. Creative solutions and options.

 

Therapy has no guarantees, takes a very long time and it is filled with pain and suffering.

 

Now it is a matter of survival for me, because after 6 years spent together with her day by day, I got used to all the very low lows and all the ups too. Overall, 2/3 of the time she was abusive, violent, insulting, doing and saying whatever hurts me most, but 1/3 of the time she was happy, sweet and loving as noone else was ever in my life towards me. She knew how to push all my buttons.

 

She was not high maintenance, there were few times when she lended small amounts of money from me (100 - 500 eur) and she never paid me back.

Link to comment
She was not all the time abusive. She was very intense in everything she did, and she did push away and alienate all of my friends. I was isolated by her, and she was reactive most of the time, and very impulsive.

 

The problem is one of survival, I do not see that light or hope that life can get better or all this immense ocean of pain and suffering can stop.

 

That is why I am looking at alternative solutions. Creative solutions and options.

 

Therapy has no guarantees, takes a very long time and it is filled with pain and suffering.

 

Now it is a matter of survival for me, because after 6 years spent together with her day by day, I got used to all the very low lows and all the ups too. Overall, 2/3 of the time she was abusive, violent, insulting, doing and saying whatever hurts me most, but 1/3 of the time she was happy, sweet and loving as noone else was ever in my life towards me. She knew how to push all my buttons.

 

She was not high maintenance, there were few times when she lended small amounts of money from me (100 - 500 eur) and she never paid me back.

 

No one said anything about a guarantee. Why not try it for a year and see. That sounds like a creative solution that you have not considered. You've tried giving money already - it didn't work the other times, why would it work now?

 

Speaking of guarantees... Giving her money for a plastic surgery is guaranteed to make you hurt worse. Past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior. Her knowing how to push your buttons is NOT A GOOD THING. That's how she controlled you. Yes, she was at all times abusive. The secret to being an excellent abuser is the right amount of honey to keep the victim in your trap. Venus fly traps wouldn't work if they didn't smell nice enough for their prey to come settle in.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...