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Dog Owner Issue


Batya33

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I hope this might change someone's approach to this situation. I like certain dogs just like I like certain people. I was bitten some years ago when I was in my 20s unprovoked by a dog I knew and it was scary. Since then I do not like when dog owners leave their dogs off leash illegally and the dog comes close to me or my child if I don't know the dog.

 

I'm also not a fan of a friendly dog leaping on me if I am wearing clothing I'd prefer to keep clean (like on my way to work). If I get on our elevator and there is a big dog I either casually stay away or I wait for another elevator. If the dog is lunging at me and the owner doesn't have the dog under control sometimes I ask the owner to pull the dog closer. as nicely as possible. Most comply and some don't.

 

In my building there is a lady on my floor with a big dog who bounds around with a limp. She keeps him on a long leash in the hallway. I am not scared of him but it's startling to come out of my apartment or around a corner and this dog is bounding up at me. So it usually makes me jump a bit -a reflex. Sometimes because of the long leash I am delayed with my child getting on an elevator to make it to the bus on time because the dog is blocking us from getting on.

 

This morning that dog owner was without her dog waiting for the elevator. There was a man with a huge tall dog -bigger than me if he stood up. He started to lunge at me while waiting for the elevator. I got a bit startled and stepped away but no big deal. The owner nicely pulled the dog closer and got on the elevator when it arrived. i casually stood a distance away since the dog was still coming close to me and I've never seen this dog. That's when the other lady volunteers "oh she's afraid of all dogs." Well, it's not true. So I said politely " I am not afraid of all dogs. I am afraid when a dog I don't know gets close to me."

 

The owner said the dog was friendly and I said "yes I'm sure and I wouldn't have known that." Then other lady (non-dog person) wouldn't stop and said "oh, she likes dogs at a distance. I said "no, I don't like when dog owners leave their dogs off the leash or when a dog I don't know comes very close to me." Dog owner got off the elevator. He was very nice as far as keeping his dog next to him. Non-dog person asks if I've been bitten. I said yes and repeated to her 'and I've been lunged at and almost attacked by dogs who the dog owners leave off leash in this building and my son as well" So she said "then there's precedent I'd understand why you want dogs at a distance" I said again "it depends on the individual situation." I tried hard to keep things polite and focus on dog owners' behavior, not the dogs.

 

I don't think she needed to talk about me like that in the first place. None of her business. And I've never told her I was afraid of dogs. I get startled every time her dog bounds right in front of me on the long leash. My husband and I have asked her on occasion to please get the dog out of the way of the open door elevator so we can get on the elevator. She takes her time doing so and we say nothing but it's annoying and delays us (our elevators are slow to begin with!). My husband is even more reserved/polite than me about this stuff.

 

So I am not saying any other dog owner would behave this way but I wanted to make clear that an assumption that someone who has been bitten/attacked is therefore afraid of all dogs is unfair, or any other generalization. And, that it's ok if a person keeps his/her distance, politely from your dog - especially if it's done casually (without making a scene or scaring the dog of course).

 

And just to please understand that even if you know your dog is friendly a stranger would not know that and perhaps to take into consideration keeping the dog close to you on the leash so that the stranger doesn't need to figure out whether the dog trying to say "hi" is going to be aggressive or friendly. And of course certain people are allergic. My son pets dogs all the time and we follow the routine of he has to ask me and then ask the owner and over time we've told him how dogs like to be approached and petted. He also asks the owner about the particular dog and what he likes. He's gentle and great at it. If a strange dog is off the leash or not being appropriately controlled by the owner and bounding towards us it scares us both. I think that's normal. I want him to be appropriately cautious around animals he doesn't know and to treat animals with respect. I was a cat owner and we plan to have a pet if possible in the future.

 

Please don't take it personally that someone might be scared of or cautious around your dog especially if that person isn't riling up your dog by making a fuss. Certainly people on an elevator are allowed to keep their distance for any variety of reasons -maybe a person is wearing a strong perfume, or whatever - that lady's comments really bothered me and she wouldnt stop. The dog owner actually was understanding and kept his dog at an appropriate distance. I appreciated that and if I see the dog again I'll now know he is friendly. I still wouldn't want him leaping on me because he is so big. I think people are allowed to not want to be touched by animals or people when on an elevator especially if it's done in a polite/quiet way.

 

When I was bitten the dog was on a leash, I knew the dog, I walked by the dog and he lunged at me and bit my leg -puncture wound through my clothing. No one had any idea why including the owner.

 

Thank you for listening. I know not all dog owners are like this. I've encountered too many situations where people assume I don't like dogs because I don't want a dog off the leash. I have an issue with the owner, not the dog. Sorry to be repetitive. Thanks for reading and potentially understanding.

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Dog owners are a lot like parents.

 

Some are terrible and shouldn't even have them, some are great.

 

It really just has to do with how considerate people are.

 

I am a dog owner and trainer. I have more stitches than I can count from dog bites.

 

I will also say that no matter how "nice" a dog is, it is an animal and you are a stranger.

 

Never presume that a dog is so nice that you lower your guard. They might be 150,000(depending on who you ask) years removed from grey wolves but they still have many unpredictable triggers.

 

There is nothing wrong with your view and any responsible owner shouldn't get upset about that.

 

I love dogs, but I have enough scars that I am overly protective of my children around them.

 

I can however see how you might appear afraid of dogs. That in itself is a little dangerious, a dog will pick up your fear and became aggressive. Even being startled can set triggers off. So I would actually try to work on that.

 

But it shouldn't even be required with a responsible owner.

 

PS: I didn't even notice who posted this until I finished writing.

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It goes both ways. My family dog and a friend of mine's dog couldn't be approached by strange dogs. It was due to stanger's dogs attacking them, which made them aggressive to other dogs. Owners still insist on having their dog lunge on our dogs and it soon turns sour, even after the warning. Familiar dogs were ok though.

 

People have boundaries and at times others' believe they can violate them because they think their dog is friendly enough. It only leads to injury. Or some stranger's dog humping your leg.

 

I can see why dogs and humans would not be receptive after an attack. It is basic instinct not to put yourself in the same situation again. Hopefully once you get a dog of your own, you can just immediately shut down that line of thinking by saying you're a dog owner yourself. Heck, for now just fib and say you already do, or are going to get one soon.

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It goes both ways. My family dog and a friend of mine's dog couldn't be approached by strange dogs. It was due to stanger's dogs attacking them, which made them aggressive to other dogs. Owners still insist on having their dog lunge on our dogs and it soon turns sour, even after the warning. Familiar dogs were ok though.

 

People have boundaries and at times others' believe they can violate them because they think their dog is friendly enough. It only leads to injury. Or some stranger's dog humping your leg.

 

I can see why dogs and humans would not be receptive after an attack. It is basic instinct not to put yourself in the same situation again. Hopefully once you get a dog of your own, you can just immediately shut down that line of thinking by saying you're a dog owner yourself. Heck, for now just fib and say you already do, or are going to get one soon.

 

We don't want to be a dog owner. I shouldn't have to defend myself "I am a dog owner too" - IMO it was not her place to say what she said about me to the other dog owner. It's just like I love my kid, like being around my kid most of the time, lol, and it doesn't mean I want to be around anyone else's child especially if that child is going to get in my personal space. So, for example, I do not like when parents let their very young children wander around so that it disrupts other pedestrians or push/hit other children to the extent where it becomes more than "kids are kids". People are entitled to their personal space within reason and I think it's reasonable not to want a big tall dog I don't know potentially leaping on me, even to give me kisses.

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If someone tells another person "she's afraid of dogs" so they will control their dog - i would not sit and argue that "no, i am not...i am only afraid of dogs in this circumstance..."

When people get to know you, you can tell them more details of what dogs you are okay with, but if they are strangers with an unruly dog, then just leave it at that and don't get argumentative.

 

I would talk to the neighbor who lets her dog roam on a long leash "hi, your dog can get all the way to my apartment door and its hard to keep my clothes clean when i am on my way to work because i end up with dog hair or your dog jumping on me. Would you mind terribly shortening the leash or just being out there with your dog? thanks"

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Actually, the only thing I would comment on is it's easier to give the explanation "I'm afraid of dogs," rather than give people a long lecture about dogs and dog owner behavior. You're implying that all dog owners are rude and inconsiderate. The lecture makes you seem snobbish and condescending. On the other hand if you tell people you're afraid of dogs, they usually will keep their dogs in check and keep them closer to them (other than that other woman with her big dog). And you don't have to spend as much time and energy trying to convince dog owners you're not afraid of dogs because under their breath they're just going to comment that you are afraid of dogs and won't admit it.

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I think the only people taking it personally are people who want to take it personally. It takes a pretty rudimentary common sense and a baseline level of empathy to understand that, whether or not they've been bitten in the past, many people simply don't like strange dogs running up on them. Now if your concern is a false public characterization unfairly impacting the perception of your other neighbors toward you, I don't think reflexively rebutting the other guy kindly assuring you his dog is nice with a "I couldn't have known that" is doing you any favors.

 

You know you're not irrationally afraid of all dogs. If she wants to throw out an unqualified assumption that you in fact are, it'd be fair for you to respond with something along the lines of, "It's not that. I just need to get to know a dog before I'm comfortable with them coming up on me." If she wants to take that and interpret it as you being afraid of all dogs, then it is what it is. Beyond knowing someone's inaccurately characterizing you, what's the consequence?

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Rightfully afraid of dogs or not, I think it's just rude for anyone to allow their dog to either lunge or jump on someone.

 

How is it any different that having a toddler you don't know run at you? We would think the parents weren't disciplining their child with models of appropriate behavior.

 

I love dogs. I am not afraid of them. I get that sometimes an animals exuberant greeting can be viewed as a compliment.

 

But never the less (I don't currently own a dog) but I would never allow it to jump on someone.

 

I would have responded `No, It's not that I am afraid of dogs. I just think it's really rude to let them jump on people'

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I think the only people taking it personally are people who want to take it personally. It takes a pretty rudimentary common sense and a baseline level of empathy to understand that, whether or not they've been bitten in the past, many people simply don't like strange dogs running up on them. Now if your concern is a false public characterization unfairly impacting the perception of your other neighbors toward you, I don't think reflexively rebutting the other guy kindly assuring you his dog is nice with a "I couldn't have known that" is doing you any favors.

 

You know you're not irrationally afraid of all dogs. If she wants to throw out an unqualified assumption that you in fact are, it'd be fair for you to respond with something along the lines of, "It's not that. I just need to get to know a dog before I'm comfortable with them coming up on me." If she wants to take that and interpret it as you being afraid of all dogs, then it is what it is. Beyond knowing someone's inaccurately characterizing you, what's the consequence?

 

The consequence is that she's characterizing me in an inaccurate way in front of our neighbor and it's none of her business in the first place. I said it nicely to the owner - thanked him for letting me know and made the comment to explain why I wasn't comfortable when his dog initially jumped at me in the elevator bank. I thought of waiting for another elevator but they're so slow (there are two) and I thought I could stand far away enough from the dog -and the owner was cognizant of controlling him. It's just the other person who um couldn't control her mouth even after I corrected her inaccurate assumption.

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Actually, the only thing I would comment on is it's easier to give the explanation "I'm afraid of dogs," rather than give people a long lecture about dogs and dog owner behavior. You're implying that all dog owners are rude and inconsiderate. The lecture makes you seem snobbish and condescending. On the other hand if you tell people you're afraid of dogs, they usually will keep their dogs in check and keep them closer to them (other than that other woman with her big dog). And you don't have to spend as much time and energy trying to convince dog owners you're not afraid of dogs because under their breath they're just going to comment that you are afraid of dogs and won't admit it.

 

Thanks but no thanks! I'd be ok with a stranger thinking I am afraid of all dogs. Not my neighbors.I don't want any of my neighbors to think I am afraid of all dogs or that I keep my distance from all dogs especially since I want my son to be able to interact with our neighbors' dogs when they allow him to. I think she came across as not minding her own business and I did not give a lecture. I simply corrected her and clarified each time she came up with yet another comment -about two-three while we were with the dog owner and then she continued when we got off the elevator and walked down the hall. Each time I quickly clarified as best I could that I am not afraid of all dogs, that yes I was bitten and have been attacked (and my child) by off-leash dogs in the building and that each situation is individual. She chooses to let her dog bound up to me and my family, to block us from getting on the elevator because of the long leash and I'm not scared, it's just startles me and delays us getting on the elevator or even to pass by in the hallway. I keep my son to one side of the hallway and don't let him block elevator doors (which he's getting better and better at all the time on his own) so why should a dog owner let her dog do that?

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This seems to be more about the non-dog owning neighbor than any dog owners or dogs.

 

I am a dog owner, and I worked very hard to train my 5.5 year old husky to be good off leash, he is possibly the friendliest dog I've ever known. That being said, I will not let him run up to strangers while off leash both for the safety of my dog (I don't know what people are capable of and I'm not trying to have some strangers touch, hit, or do something horrible to my dog out of fear or anger) and to respect other people, since I know some people are afraid of or simply do not like dogs, and my dog looks like a wolf. When he is off leash at the park or on a walk and I see people approaching, I'll link him to the leash until it's safe again. People typically will ask me if they can pet him as well, the answer is always yes and I appreciate when they ask first. I think, in general, most good dog owners are like that.

 

Anyway, as far as your non-dog owning neighbor goes, it kind of sounds like she didn't mean anything by what she was saying. I don't think she intended to characterize you inaccurately, and it sounds almost like she was just trying to make conversation in an awkward situation. Sometimes people don't know what to say, and they say the wrong things. I would not spend too much time being upset about it. The dog owner seemed nice and understanding, and the non-dog owner really is inconsequential to the whole thing, in my opinion.

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Going to be harsh here, but really you are creating quite a bit of drama over nothing. Strangers, and your neighbors are strangers, don't give a flying rat's rear end about your intricacies on dog preferences or opinions or whatever. If it's known that you are either afraid of dogs or simply don't like them, then people will make a point of controlling their critters around you. It's as simple as that and nobody cares more than that. Solves a problem for you and them. You want to discuss the specific details of if then with your friends, that's a separate issue, but don't expect strangers to care other than in generalities.

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This seems to be more about the non-dog owning neighbor than any dog owners or dogs.

 

I am a dog owner, and I worked very hard to train my 5.5 year old husky to be good off leash, he is possibly the friendliest dog I've ever known. That being said, I will not let him run up to strangers while off leash both for the safety of my dog (I don't know what people are capable of and I'm not trying to have some strangers touch, hit, or do something horrible to my dog out of fear or anger) and to respect other people, since I know some people are afraid of or simply do not like dogs, and my dog looks like a wolf. When he is off leash at the park or on a walk and I see people approaching, I'll link him to the leash until it's safe again. People typically will ask me if they can pet him as well, the answer is always yes and I appreciate when they ask first. I think, in general, most good dog owners are like that.

 

Anyway, as far as your non-dog owning neighbor goes, it kind of sounds like she didn't mean anything by what she was saying. I don't think she intended to characterize you inaccurately, and it sounds almost like she was just trying to make conversation in an awkward situation. Sometimes people don't know what to say, and they say the wrong things. I would not spend too much time being upset about it. The dog owner seemed nice and understanding, and the non-dog owner really is inconsequential to the whole thing, in my opinion.

 

Yes, the non-dog owner said it because she is a dog owner -it's just that her dog wasn't with her -and it was an assumption based on my startling every time she lets her dog bound around the corner of the hallway without her having control of the leash. So she interjected when it was none of her business that my reaction to the dog in the elevator was because I am afraid of all dogs, in front of our neighbor. If she meant nothing by it she wouldn't have continued pressing the issue and questioning me. She would have known she misspoke/overshared and likely gone quiet or maybe even apologized once I corrected her.

The dog owner and his dog were both nice and understanding! In our huge local park there are two dog runs -for small and large dogs. I try to look the other way when owners break the leash law and have only said something (or called park security) when people let their dogs run around the playground where my son is playing and young children. If it's safe to do so (meaning the person looks like a reasonable person) I ask the person to leash their dogs. Less than half the time they do. If we're going to leave anyway I say nothing. If we're not and the person is harassing I consider, and sometimes try to contact, park security.

 

I am always surprised at why dog owners think it's safe for their dog to be off leash given other dogs, the risk of running into the street, dog napping etc. But that's kind of off topic. Thank you!! You sound like a really good dog-parent and very considerate of others (likely not just with your dog).

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We don't want to be a dog owner. I shouldn't have to defend myself "I am a dog owner too" - IMO it was not her place to say what she said about me to the other dog owner. It's just like I love my kid, like being around my kid most of the time, lol, and it doesn't mean I want to be around anyone else's child especially if that child is going to get in my personal space. So, for example, I do not like when parents let their very young children wander around so that it disrupts other pedestrians or push/hit other children to the extent where it becomes more than "kids are kids". People are entitled to their personal space within reason and I think it's reasonable not to want a big tall dog I don't know potentially leaping on me, even to give me kisses.

 

My mistake, I thought the statement you made about planning to have a pet in the future was in reference to getting a dog. Otherwise, I got what you were talking about, so no need to explain again. You don't need to use that line, or even any. It's your choice.

 

Yes, you don't need to defend yourself, so don't. These situations pop up all the time. It's best not to feed into an unpleasant encounter. You know you like dogs, so why does a near stranger's opinion even matter? Feel free to voice your boundaries, although the feelings you have from this only hurt you if you let them.

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My mistake, I thought the statement you made about planning to have a pet in the future was in reference to getting a dog. Otherwise, I got what you were talking about, so no need to explain again. You don't need to use that line, or even any. It's your choice.

 

Yes, you don't need to defend yourself, so don't. These situations pop up all the time. It's best not to feed into an unpleasant encounter. You know you like dogs, so why does a stranger's opinion even matter? Feel free to voice your boundaries, although the feelings you have from this only hurt you if you let them.

 

Because she is not a stranger. She lives down the hall and the other guy lives downstairs. I've seen him before but not with his dog. If it were a stranger I'd have said nothing. I try my very best to be a good neighbor, to go the extra mile, etc. And I didn't appreciate her characterization of me particularly when no one asked her.

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That's when the other lady volunteers "oh she's afraid of all dogs." Well, it's not true. So I said politely " I am not afraid of all dogs. I am afraid when a dog I don't know gets close to me."

 

What it boils down to is manners. Dog manners and dog-owner manners. You might have said "I am not afraid of all dogs. I appreciate common courtesy, that's all. Thank you for understanding."

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What it boils down to is manners. Dog manners and dog-owner manners. You might have said "I am not afraid of all dogs. I appreciate common courtesy, that's all. Thank you for understanding."

 

Yes, in hindsight that would have summed it up far far better!! Thank you.

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Because she is not a stranger. She lives down the hall and the other guy lives downstairs. I've seen him before but not with his dog. If it were a stranger I'd have said nothing. I try my very best to be a good neighbor, to go the extra mile, etc. And I didn't appreciate her characterization of me particularly when no one asked her.

 

Then I guess we have different opinions on who a stranger is. I don't go out of my way to meet my neighbors. I don't know their names or anything about them, except they live next to me. I definitely don't see a need to defend myself. It doesn't matter to me. Clearly it does to you, so it seems you'll keep running into these triggers with your neighbors who don't see your side and will get into future unpleasant conversations. People aren't likely to change their minds, even if you try to explain yourself.

 

I don't allow my pets to invade people's privacy. It's too bad others aren't the same. You can raise awareness, but people in your own life are going to do as they see fit. You can control your actions and let it not bother you. Or you can continue to interact with such people and become angry with their actions/opinions. It's up to you.

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The consequence is that she's characterizing me in an inaccurate way in front of our neighbor and it's none of her business in the first place. I said it nicely to the owner - thanked him for letting me know and made the comment to explain why I wasn't comfortable when his dog initially jumped at me in the elevator bank. I thought of waiting for another elevator but they're so slow (there are two) and I thought I could stand far away enough from the dog -and the owner was cognizant of controlling him. It's just the other person who um couldn't control her mouth even after I corrected her inaccurate assumption.
Yes. And you corrected her once already. What's the point in dragging a couple of podiums into the hallway? You represented yourself well with your words of your first rebuttal. Follow it up with your actions and all should be fine in the eyes of anyone who wouldn't otherwise be hellbent on a bias toward dogs. I'm assuming you weren't cowering in the corner of the elevator or anything, so what reason does the guy have to doubt you? Protest less, don't go frantically scooting your kid down the hall at first sight of a dog or anything, and be cordial with conscientious neighbors regardless of their pet-owning status. It's not like the lady's putting up fliers for people to keep their dogs away from you.

 

To be honest, and it's not without still agreeing with you a good 90% of the time, I'm having a hard time believing it's more about your concern for your public image than you feeling mischaracterized for the sake of your own ego. I can't claim to know your offline persona or whether yours here reflects it, but I see in this situation what at least seems pretty relatable to one of your mannerisms on here. Someone will say something along the lines of, "I agree with Batya," following up with what's 97.83% in-line with your opinion, and you'll find the 2.17% of the almost completely concurrent post which doesn't reflect your opinion and reply with like two or three paragraphs of disagreement with that bit, whether it's relevant or consequential to the thread or not. Sometimes I can understand it. Someone posts something in agreement with you and then throws in a "by the way, also hate black people" at the end, by all means distinguish yourself. But other times I'm just like, "Batya, why...?

 

Granted, this lady's not saying much that's agreeable to you, but the idea of feeling compelled to outright convince her and this guy that "I, Batya, am not afraid of dogs" seems similar to you at least appearing to be compelled to make sure people know, "I, Batya, do not align with this 2% of this post I disagree with." I get the impression that you feel very strongly, even vehemently about being accurately represented and perceived. And I think asserting your identity and how you're represented and perceived can be plenty important. But I also think sometimes it's not. Often it's not. Beyond simply stating, "Hey, I'm just not comfortable with strange dogs jumping on me," I think this situation is one where it's not.

 

I hope you don't take that offensively. I'm the last person to throw stones when it comes to mannerisms on these forums. And I'm not saying what I've just noted is any significant representation of your contribution to the forums. I'm just noting it as an observation that sprung up while reading your account in this thread.

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I'm just noting it as an observation that sprung up while reading your account in this thread.

 

Do me next! :D

 

Jokes aside, I agree with batya. Too many times I've been leg humped by an animal and wish the owner had more control, keeping my personal space in mind. I just hope to instill a more peaceful mindset that will put you at ease, in the face of unpleasant situations. If you don't wish to do so, then do as you please. Tryin to help over here.

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I never understood the logic behind being afraid/not afraid of certain dog breeds. Honestly, ANY dog can act out on aggression toward people no matter the breed or size. It depends on how the dog is raised and trained by the owner (or past owners).

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I never understood the logic behind being afraid/not afraid of certain dog breeds. Honestly, ANY dog can act out on aggression toward people no matter the breed or size. It depends on how the dog is raised and trained by the owner (or past owners).

 

Yes, and my post has nothing to do with dog breeds (in this case it was the practical matter of size -had the dog stood even a bit on his hind legs he would have been my height or taller -that felt intimidating and uncomfortable to me when the dog lunged and, in the elevator when at first he came very close to me). Had it been a small dog I would have had more room in the elevator to keep my distance and could have been even more discreet about it than I was. I have no idea what breed the dog was.

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I never understood the logic behind being afraid/not afraid of certain dog breeds. Honestly, ANY dog can act out on aggression toward people no matter the breed or size. It depends on how the dog is raised and trained by the owner (or past owners).

 

But i want to add one asterisk to it, its not merely how they were "raised and trained" = well trained dogs can become afraid in a situation and people tend to ignore the fact that the growled or attempted to step away before a bite happened.

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