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Thread: Dog Owner Issue

  1. #11
    Gold Member brienoch's Avatar
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    This seems to be more about the non-dog owning neighbor than any dog owners or dogs.

    I am a dog owner, and I worked very hard to train my 5.5 year old husky to be good off leash, he is possibly the friendliest dog I've ever known. That being said, I will not let him run up to strangers while off leash both for the safety of my dog (I don't know what people are capable of and I'm not trying to have some strangers touch, hit, or do something horrible to my dog out of fear or anger) and to respect other people, since I know some people are afraid of or simply do not like dogs, and my dog looks like a wolf. When he is off leash at the park or on a walk and I see people approaching, I'll link him to the leash until it's safe again. People typically will ask me if they can pet him as well, the answer is always yes and I appreciate when they ask first. I think, in general, most good dog owners are like that.

    Anyway, as far as your non-dog owning neighbor goes, it kind of sounds like she didn't mean anything by what she was saying. I don't think she intended to characterize you inaccurately, and it sounds almost like she was just trying to make conversation in an awkward situation. Sometimes people don't know what to say, and they say the wrong things. I would not spend too much time being upset about it. The dog owner seemed nice and understanding, and the non-dog owner really is inconsequential to the whole thing, in my opinion.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Going to be harsh here, but really you are creating quite a bit of drama over nothing. Strangers, and your neighbors are strangers, don't give a flying rat's rear end about your intricacies on dog preferences or opinions or whatever. If it's known that you are either afraid of dogs or simply don't like them, then people will make a point of controlling their critters around you. It's as simple as that and nobody cares more than that. Solves a problem for you and them. You want to discuss the specific details of if then with your friends, that's a separate issue, but don't expect strangers to care other than in generalities.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by brienoch
    This seems to be more about the non-dog owning neighbor than any dog owners or dogs.

    I am a dog owner, and I worked very hard to train my 5.5 year old husky to be good off leash, he is possibly the friendliest dog I've ever known. That being said, I will not let him run up to strangers while off leash both for the safety of my dog (I don't know what people are capable of and I'm not trying to have some strangers touch, hit, or do something horrible to my dog out of fear or anger) and to respect other people, since I know some people are afraid of or simply do not like dogs, and my dog looks like a wolf. When he is off leash at the park or on a walk and I see people approaching, I'll link him to the leash until it's safe again. People typically will ask me if they can pet him as well, the answer is always yes and I appreciate when they ask first. I think, in general, most good dog owners are like that.

    Anyway, as far as your non-dog owning neighbor goes, it kind of sounds like she didn't mean anything by what she was saying. I don't think she intended to characterize you inaccurately, and it sounds almost like she was just trying to make conversation in an awkward situation. Sometimes people don't know what to say, and they say the wrong things. I would not spend too much time being upset about it. The dog owner seemed nice and understanding, and the non-dog owner really is inconsequential to the whole thing, in my opinion.
    Yes, the non-dog owner said it because she is a dog owner -it's just that her dog wasn't with her -and it was an assumption based on my startling every time she lets her dog bound around the corner of the hallway without her having control of the leash. So she interjected when it was none of her business that my reaction to the dog in the elevator was because I am afraid of all dogs, in front of our neighbor. If she meant nothing by it she wouldn't have continued pressing the issue and questioning me. She would have known she misspoke/overshared and likely gone quiet or maybe even apologized once I corrected her.
    The dog owner and his dog were both nice and understanding! In our huge local park there are two dog runs -for small and large dogs. I try to look the other way when owners break the leash law and have only said something (or called park security) when people let their dogs run around the playground where my son is playing and young children. If it's safe to do so (meaning the person looks like a reasonable person) I ask the person to leash their dogs. Less than half the time they do. If we're going to leave anyway I say nothing. If we're not and the person is harassing I consider, and sometimes try to contact, park security.

    I am always surprised at why dog owners think it's safe for their dog to be off leash given other dogs, the risk of running into the street, dog napping etc. But that's kind of off topic. Thank you!! You sound like a really good dog-parent and very considerate of others (likely not just with your dog).

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    We don't want to be a dog owner. I shouldn't have to defend myself "I am a dog owner too" - IMO it was not her place to say what she said about me to the other dog owner. It's just like I love my kid, like being around my kid most of the time, lol, and it doesn't mean I want to be around anyone else's child especially if that child is going to get in my personal space. So, for example, I do not like when parents let their very young children wander around so that it disrupts other pedestrians or push/hit other children to the extent where it becomes more than "kids are kids". People are entitled to their personal space within reason and I think it's reasonable not to want a big tall dog I don't know potentially leaping on me, even to give me kisses.
    My mistake, I thought the statement you made about planning to have a pet in the future was in reference to getting a dog. Otherwise, I got what you were talking about, so no need to explain again. You don't need to use that line, or even any. It's your choice.

    Yes, you don't need to defend yourself, so don't. These situations pop up all the time. It's best not to feed into an unpleasant encounter. You know you like dogs, so why does a near stranger's opinion even matter? Feel free to voice your boundaries, although the feelings you have from this only hurt you if you let them.

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  6. #15
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    Just trying to help you keep the peace with your neighbors.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by yatsue
    My mistake, I thought the statement you made about planning to have a pet in the future was in reference to getting a dog. Otherwise, I got what you were talking about, so no need to explain again. You don't need to use that line, or even any. It's your choice.

    Yes, you don't need to defend yourself, so don't. These situations pop up all the time. It's best not to feed into an unpleasant encounter. You know you like dogs, so why does a stranger's opinion even matter? Feel free to voice your boundaries, although the feelings you have from this only hurt you if you let them.
    Because she is not a stranger. She lives down the hall and the other guy lives downstairs. I've seen him before but not with his dog. If it were a stranger I'd have said nothing. I try my very best to be a good neighbor, to go the extra mile, etc. And I didn't appreciate her characterization of me particularly when no one asked her.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member journeynow's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    That's when the other lady volunteers "oh she's afraid of all dogs." Well, it's not true. So I said politely " I am not afraid of all dogs. I am afraid when a dog I don't know gets close to me."
    What it boils down to is manners. Dog manners and dog-owner manners. You might have said "I am not afraid of all dogs. I appreciate common courtesy, that's all. Thank you for understanding."

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by journeynow
    What it boils down to is manners. Dog manners and dog-owner manners. You might have said "I am not afraid of all dogs. I appreciate common courtesy, that's all. Thank you for understanding."
    Yes, in hindsight that would have summed it up far far better!! Thank you.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Because she is not a stranger. She lives down the hall and the other guy lives downstairs. I've seen him before but not with his dog. If it were a stranger I'd have said nothing. I try my very best to be a good neighbor, to go the extra mile, etc. And I didn't appreciate her characterization of me particularly when no one asked her.
    Then I guess we have different opinions on who a stranger is. I don't go out of my way to meet my neighbors. I don't know their names or anything about them, except they live next to me. I definitely don't see a need to defend myself. It doesn't matter to me. Clearly it does to you, so it seems you'll keep running into these triggers with your neighbors who don't see your side and will get into future unpleasant conversations. People aren't likely to change their minds, even if you try to explain yourself.

    I don't allow my pets to invade people's privacy. It's too bad others aren't the same. You can raise awareness, but people in your own life are going to do as they see fit. You can control your actions and let it not bother you. Or you can continue to interact with such people and become angry with their actions/opinions. It's up to you.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    The consequence is that she's characterizing me in an inaccurate way in front of our neighbor and it's none of her business in the first place. I said it nicely to the owner - thanked him for letting me know and made the comment to explain why I wasn't comfortable when his dog initially jumped at me in the elevator bank. I thought of waiting for another elevator but they're so slow (there are two) and I thought I could stand far away enough from the dog -and the owner was cognizant of controlling him. It's just the other person who um couldn't control her mouth even after I corrected her inaccurate assumption.
    Yes. And you corrected her once already. What's the point in dragging a couple of podiums into the hallway? You represented yourself well with your words of your first rebuttal. Follow it up with your actions and all should be fine in the eyes of anyone who wouldn't otherwise be hellbent on a bias toward dogs. I'm assuming you weren't cowering in the corner of the elevator or anything, so what reason does the guy have to doubt you? Protest less, don't go frantically scooting your kid down the hall at first sight of a dog or anything, and be cordial with conscientious neighbors regardless of their pet-owning status. It's not like the lady's putting up fliers for people to keep their dogs away from you.

    To be honest, and it's not without still agreeing with you a good 90% of the time, I'm having a hard time believing it's more about your concern for your public image than you feeling mischaracterized for the sake of your own ego. I can't claim to know your offline persona or whether yours here reflects it, but I see in this situation what at least seems pretty relatable to one of your mannerisms on here. Someone will say something along the lines of, "I agree with Batya," following up with what's 97.83% in-line with your opinion, and you'll find the 2.17% of the almost completely concurrent post which doesn't reflect your opinion and reply with like two or three paragraphs of disagreement with that bit, whether it's relevant or consequential to the thread or not. Sometimes I can understand it. Someone posts something in agreement with you and then throws in a "by the way, also hate black people" at the end, by all means distinguish yourself. But other times I'm just like, "Batya, why...?

    Granted, this lady's not saying much that's agreeable to you, but the idea of feeling compelled to outright convince her and this guy that "I, Batya, am not afraid of dogs" seems similar to you at least appearing to be compelled to make sure people know, "I, Batya, do not align with this 2% of this post I disagree with." I get the impression that you feel very strongly, even vehemently about being accurately represented and perceived. And I think asserting your identity and how you're represented and perceived can be plenty important. But I also think sometimes it's not. Often it's not. Beyond simply stating, "Hey, I'm just not comfortable with strange dogs jumping on me," I think this situation is one where it's not.

    I hope you don't take that offensively. I'm the last person to throw stones when it comes to mannerisms on these forums. And I'm not saying what I've just noted is any significant representation of your contribution to the forums. I'm just noting it as an observation that sprung up while reading your account in this thread.

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