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He calls me names.


Shaunaxxxx

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Hi. I was wondering if you could get some advice please. I’m with my partner over 3 years. Engaged and live together. Lately we haven’t been getting on. We argue most days. But when we argue he calls me names like tramp scumbag etc . And puts my family down. I asked him to stop loads of times but he keeps calling me names even tho I begged him to stop. He knows it hurts me but continues to call me names to hurt me. I need advice please :(

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Hi. I was wondering if you could get some advice please. I’m with my partner over 3 years. Engaged and live together. Lately we haven’t been getting on. We argue most days. But when we argue he calls me names like tramp scumbag etc . And puts my family down. I asked him to stop loads of times but he keeps calling me names even tho I begged him to stop. He knows it hurts me but continues to call me names to hurt me. I need advice please :(

I would never stay with someone like that. Move out and tell him to hit the road. Life is too short for that crap .

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Since there are no consequences for his behaviour, he has no fear of losing you. Having said that he's clearly demonstrated what he's made of, and the odds of him changing his tune are slim to none, (imo).

 

I'd reconsider this relationship, while at the same time raise my standards to a much higher level.

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Why would you be scared to leave? How is being verbally abused on a constant basis a good way to live? What's so wonderful about this guy that you let him get away with calling you names? You'd be much better off on your own. If I was you i'd pack my stuff and leave then block his sorry ass from being able to contact me. Have some self respect and move on from this loser.

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I’m just scared I’ll never find anyone again. It just kills me cause I genuinely thought he was the one. We were so perfect at the start. And now it comes to this. I’m torn inside and my heart is broke. I don’t want to do it all over again with someone else I feel I put too much into this relationship and that’s why it’s killing me :(. I keep telling myself to walk. Then when I’m about too I stop myself and pretend everything is ok. :(

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Is there a trusted person you can talk to you. Someone you respect and opinion or advice you value highly. When I had a hard time making decisions for myself, i would go to that person. Leaving can be hard. I've been there. I'm sure you're stronger than you realize. Perhaps talking to a professional on steps you can take to break away from him would be best. Also there is a app i go to sometimes called 7 cups. Where u can speak to listeners. Their not professionals but its someone there to just listen to you if you find what you're going through unbearable. It takes a minute to find a good listener though but keep it up.

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OP, you posted last year about him calling you names, yet here you are, still with him, and nothing has changed. Also, last year, you posted that you don't trust him.

 

So, to summarise:

 

* You are 24 and he's 35 with 3 children.

 

* Over a year ago you said you don't trust him.

 

* Also, last year you said he calls you names.

 

* Now, to date, he still calls you names.

 

*** The most fascinating thing of all is you are now engaged to him. Really?? WHY???

 

You have been with this abusive jerk for 3 years now and you're miserable ... yet you are engaged to him? Does that even make any sense to you? If this was your sister, what advice would you give her? Would you praise her actions and encourage her to stay in an abusive relationship and marry the guy? Think about it.

 

I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than live with a jerk like that.

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You are being abused and still you won't leave the guy! Listen to what Capricorn3 is telling you. Get the hell out of this relationship and get moving now before your next step is calling a women's shelter. Get some courage, pull together whatever self-esteem you have left, and leave this abuser!

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The longer you stay and put up with abuse the worse it will get. Threatening to leave but staying and coming back for more and more of the dirt he dishes out won't change him. It will just cycle round and round, like all abuse does. Since you won't move out or leave him, it sounds like you are ok with this.

 

From your 2017 thread "My fiancé calls me names":

10-16-2017 He started to get snappy and called me a scumbag and screamed at me and told me to off. I ended up sleeping on the couch in the end. He barely apologized to me and we got into another argument. I packed my bags and told him I was leaving. Is that right to do.".
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If this was happening to your best friend, what would you tell her to do? Trust me, it won't stop with you. He will be abusive to your kids. This type of behavior is his gateway to physical abuse as well.

 

You will find someone else. Talk to your friends and family - no one is judging you. People like this start to show their true colors once they start breaking you down, destroying your confidence, so you won't leave. Then they build on and on the emotional abuse. You don't have to tell him, but get friends and family to help you to pack and leave. Behavior like this cannot be worked out with a little bit of therapy. This guy is bad.

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Yeh I know. I’m taking all of your advice on board. Thanks a million for all the replies. I left today. Didn’t get a chance to pack everything only grabbed clothes for the week. He texted me today and said thought you were packing all your stuff ? How dare he. As if I did something wrong. :(

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Yeh I know. I’m taking all of your advice on board. Thanks a million for all the replies. I left today. Didn’t get a chance to pack everything only grabbed clothes for the week. He texted me today and said thought you were packing all your stuff ? How dare he. As if I did something wrong. :(

 

He is a turd. Go with a male member of your family and get your things and then block him.

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Yeh I know. I’m taking all of your advice on board. Thanks a million for all the replies. I left today. Didn’t get a chance to pack everything only grabbed clothes for the week. He texted me today and said thought you were packing all your stuff ? How dare he. As if I did something wrong. :(

 

I agree with leaving him, however allowing him to text you is still leaving a door open. At any rate, you're better off having a friend gather the rest of your belongings, followed by wiping the slate clean.

 

Good luck, and guard your heart.

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He will act all nice (after he's done being mad you had the nerve to leave him), sending flowers, sending you texts declaring his love, maybe even write you poetry or a song. Don't fall for it.

 

See, abusers don't want to have to find someone new to abuse. If they did, they would have to act nice for a while and abusers HATE acting nice. So he would rather hang on to trusty old you because you accept his abuse and tell him you love him.

 

Please be sure to block him from all means of communication after you go with your brother, dad, male cousin or male friend to get the remainder of your belongings. See, abusers are (slang term for a cat, plural) and are terrified of other men. So he won't dare pull any abusive crap if you have a male present.

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I’m just scared because I don’t know what to do. I spent so long with him it’s hard to adjust to single life. I know I’m better off without him. But I can’t help but Think about all the good times we had either. My head is a mess. I know your all giving great advice. But to leave a relationship is very very hard. I’m sure you’ve all been through the same. I’ve no confidence. I’ve low self esteem. I’m just fed up :(

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I’m just scared because I don’t know what to do. I spent so long with him it’s hard to adjust to single life. I know I’m better off without him. But I can’t help but Think about all the good times we had either. My head is a mess. I know your all giving great advice. But to leave a relationship is very very hard. I’m sure you’ve all been through the same. I’ve no confidence. I’ve low self esteem. I’m just fed up :(

Have you ever considered therapy? Sounds like you have quite a number of issues and I think therapy would benefit you greatly.

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Nothing worth doing is "easy".

 

I'm sure it wasn't "easy" hearing him call you names either.

 

Blocking isn't "hard", it's just pushing a few buttons on your phone or computer. As for the feelings that persist, that just takes time. And being away from him with no contact will really clear your head.

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