Is this normal?

I have been with the same man for 3 years. He was so sweet and loving and giving when I met him.most of the time he still is. He is a veteran with ptsd and a traumatic brain injury so sometimes his emotions can be a little extra than usual. We live with his parents and I don't really get along with his mom. They say it's because I don't communicate. Anyway, last night we were all sitting together and he made some stupid joke about me having a dark side to my personality. His mom agreed and they both had a nice laugh about it. This morning I asked him not to make jokes about me if he could help it because it makes me feel bad. He freaked out and told me I was trying to change him. That maybe I don't want to be in a relationship with someone like him.he told me he wants me to go to therapy to learn how to be different, wanting me to have made an appointment by the time he gets home today. Even though I felt like what I asked wasn't a big deal I ended up crying and begging him to forgive me. I just wanted it to stop because once he gets going he can say really hurtful things over and over again. Then just a little while ago his dad asked me if we could not fight at 7 in the morning because we woke him up. I was humiliated. I vented to my boyfriend about it saying I hope wherever we move next we don't share a wall with them because it's embarrassing that they hear everything. Then he called his mom and I thought he was going to say something to them,something he does regularly when we argue or I tell him that I got my feelings hurt. So I asked him to please not say anything to them because I didn't want it to be a big deal. He goes off again,only worse. He called me and said he doesn't think we can get past this. That I continue to make the same mistakes. That I am forcing him to choose between school and his family and me. He said he was going to quit his job and school because of me. I said I didn't think just talking to him would be such a big deal,couples do that for each other I thought. He says I don't understand how ptsd works. I'm afraid to go home because I don't want him to yell at me and I know his parents know he is mad at me. And his mom is the kind that can never see any fault of his,even if he is wrong. The guy could spit on me and she would make an excuse and tell me why it's my fault. I feel So alone and so trapped in a house that just hates me. I feel crazy. I go into our conversations strong in my thoughts and by the end I am crying and saying sorry for whatever he thinks I meant or did. Am I crazy? I feel like a strong couple should be able to talk with each other and not lose their like he does Every time. He loves to tell me all the things I need to change about myself but when I try to have a small discussion about something bothering me it always turns out like this. I don't know what to do.

Last year you had been with the man for 4 years, and now you've only been with him for 3?

Either way he sounds like he is still the abusive butthole he was last year. Why are you still seeing him?

You need to move out of that house ASAP. This is NOT due to PTSD. He is rude and abusive and his mom seems to take part in the abuse as well. Why do you live with his parents?

Not only are you not doing anything wrong (according to your post, anyway, I'm not sure why he would need to quit school or his job or choose between family and you unless you've made some sort of demands of the sort in the past and didn't tell us about them here), he is making you literally feel crazy for having and sharing your feelings, which is completely normal.

He says you're trying to change him, then requests that you go to therapy so YOU can change, it's the other way around. He is the one with the emotional/mental problems, not you. Does he go to therapy for his PTSD? If not, he has no right to ask you to seek therapy with no pre-existing conditions.

He and his mother will likely continue to abuse you. His parents sound rude as hell, too. I would start asking around, see if any friends or family members might have a couch for you to crash on while you find a more suitable living situation, and get out of there ASAP for your own health and sanity.

Got the years wrong last sure I guess,didn't see that. Anyway,it's just hard to get out of the situation. Trust me,I feel incredibly stupid for staying as long as I have. I don't know why I am staying with him. I guess I'm afraid.

He has been in therapy for awhile. I know you are right,if it hasn't changed by now it's just going to get worse. Every time I try to have an honest conversation with him it turns into a mess and I am starting to think it's not worth trying to get him to see the things that are wrong. It's nice to hear someone else say that talking about feelings is normal. I have been with him so long that sometimes I question whether or not I am doing something wrong. The conversation always gets twisted around. Thank you for the advice. I think staying somewhere else would be the smart thing to do.

He is not capable of being in a relationship right now. Leave and get your own place. You need that for your own sanity. You are not there to be his healer -- and you should not be his appointment maker. He is a grown man - let him live with the support of his parents. You go back to yours if you have no money -- or find a roommate.

Yes, trust me, I know how you are feeling. I was with a Navy veteran for 6 years and it took me a long time to leave him the first time and when I finally did, he roped me back in and now I am leaving him again. He abused me mentally and emotionally, turned things around on me, made me feel literally crazy and psychotic, and put me down very often for anything and everything (like the way I drive, the faces I make, the tone of voice I use, for not hearing what he said the first time and asking him to repeat it, etc).

He is abusing you and manipulating you. He wants you around to be his punching bag and it's so upsetting to me that his mom seems to join in. You are staying with him and you are afraid because he has made you feel dependent on him and he has manipulated you. The fact that you live with his parents almost feels like a trap to me... making you move in with his family makes it THAT much harder for you to speak your mind and/or leave at your own will. You shouldn't feel stupid for staying as long as you have, but now that you know this is a toxic and potentially dangerous relationship for you to be in, you should begin doing everything in your power to remove yourself from it.

He is putting his parents up against you and choosing them first, mainly his mother. You will lose every single time.

It does not sound as though he wants anything to change and it will continue to be you against them.

All you can do is move out and move on. To stay will only be you banging your head against a wall. No one's parents should ever be as involved as his is..that's definitely not okay.

I also agree with the above posters, he is abusive and is using you for his punching bag. You keep taking it and essentially showing him that he can treat you that way and you will accept it.

There is nothing you can do now but save yourself and get out of there.

You're not crazy, girl! My relationship is the same way. Every fight goes down with me in a crying fit and apologizing for what happened. I know we (all the respondents) do not know everything that is happening.. but from what you have said, it does not sound like it is fair for you. Stay strong, but be safe. Maybe it is best if you take yourself out of this situation for now.