Not sure what to make of it

Today I reminded someone at work that a room is being used tomorrow so their program can’t use it as they forgot to book another place. Then she stops and says to me “ why are you looking at me that way?” in a rather aggressive tone. I looked at her flabbergasted after that. I wasn’t aware that I looked at her in any particular way. So whether I did or not I don’t even know . I turned and left as I was done work at that point.

Would you consider what she said rude?

She was definitely rude -- or at the very least, VERY odd. I've never said "Why are you looking at me like that?" to anyone other than a family member or someone I know well, and it's always had context. Perhaps this woman is very sensitive and thinks people are mad at her a lot? Or, perhaps you had a serious or neutral look on your face (as opposed to smiling) and she took it personally because she thinks everything is about her? I know that my fiancee, when he is not smiling, looks VERY serious, and I could see a really sensitive person thinking he's mad when he's really not; he just doesn't smile all the time.

I would just go about your business and not engage her unless absolutely necessary. If she keeps this kind of thing up, you may have to say something, along the lines of "I'm not sure why you think I'm upset with you, but I'm not. Do you want to discuss it?" Hopefully, it won't come to that.

Odd. I think about all the times I've passed someone at work in the hallway and I was deep in thought, or had a "look" on my face because I was intently thinking/worrying about something, and I wonder how many colleagues think it's something about them!

She was definitely rude -- or at the very least, VERY odd. I've never said "Why are you looking at me like that?" to anyone other than a family member or someone I know well, and it's always had context. Perhaps this woman is very sensitive and thinks people are mad at her a lot? Or, perhaps you had a serious or neutral look on your face (as opposed to smiling) and she took it personally because she thinks everything is about her? I know that my fiancee, when he is not smiling, looks VERY serious, and I could see a really sensitive person thinking he's mad when he's really not; he just doesn't smile all the time.

 

I would just go about your business and not engage her unless absolutely necessary. If she keeps this kind of thing up, you may have to say something, along the lines of "I'm not sure why you think I'm upset with you, but I'm not. Do you want to discuss it?" Hopefully, it won't come to that.

 

Odd. I think about all the times I've passed someone at work in the hallway and I was deep in thought, or had a "look" on my face because I was intently thinking/worrying about something, and I wonder how many colleagues think it's something about them!

I know she was handling a crisis right before that and that may ne part of it . But I have never been asked that in my life. My mouth kind of fell open. And I had signed up to do part of what is her work for free , 4 hours every 2 weeks. It is volunteer but she is being paid $20 an hour to do it. Makes seriously rethink if I want to do it.

It definitely has to do with her state of mind and not you. But yes, it was rude of her. People show pain in different ways.

It definitely has to do with her state of mind and not you. But yes, it was rude of her. People show pain in different ways.

True.

......

Facial expression interpretation is largely affected by one's state of mind. There are hundreds of studies out there that show people with anxiety and depressive disorders interpret neutral social stimuli as negative. My guess is, she thinks you don't like her or was displeased in the moment by what you said, so she interpreted your facial expression negatively. Yes, how she handled it was rude, but I wouldn't worry too much about it unless she starts regularly speaking to you in an accusatory tone.

How is she interpreting the fact that someone is working extra to get her work done?

Not knowing the reasons she's not handling that workload herself, I wonder if she might be thinking she is being made to look incompetent by having help. Or is it common at your workplace for people to volunteer help?

She certainly sounds confrontational for no reason, so i'd be wondering what reason she perceives for that.

We did have an itern who would say exactly that. It was said to a coworker who was a very attentive listener, silently waiting for the intern to finish talking before forming a response. Kid was generally completely inefficient and uncooperative, was caught stealing often, then decided everyone was "against her" and "looking at her weird".

To snap in someone's face like that takes a person who is willing to consciously create discord in the workplace, i'm not sure this was just the aftertaste of her stressful previous task .

I think she felt that you were criticizing her by pointing out that the room was booked and she didn't book it or checked whether it was booked. Some women are touchy especially when another woman corrects them. There's this whole rivalry thing that sometimes goes on in the business world.

How is she interpreting the fact that someone is working extra to get her work done?

 

Not knowing the reasons she's not handling that workload herself, I wonder if she might be thinking she is being made to look incompetent by having help. Or is it common at your workplace for people to volunteer help?

 

She certainly sounds confrontational for no reason, so i'd be wondering what reason she perceives for that.

 

We did have an itern who would say exactly that. It was said to a coworker who was a very attentive listener, silently waiting for the intern to finish talking before forming a response. Kid was generally completely inefficient and uncooperative, was caught stealing often, then decided everyone was "against her" and "looking at her weird".

 

To snap in someone's face like that takes a person who is willing to consciously create discord in the workplace, i'm not sure this was just the aftertaste of her stressful previous task .

It is very common for our executive director to overload people with work and expect volunteers to pick up the slack. It is done purposely so that no more money is paid to people . We are a not for profit so one cent that she doesn’t have to pay out makes her happy. And for that reason we have a large core of volunteers with a volunteer manager . Everyone in our workplace is given 17 hats and expected to do hideous amounts of work . And the new pilot project about to start takes away about 20 hours a week of this girl’s work given to volunteers.

Facial expression interpretation is largely affected by one's state of mind. There are hundreds of studies out there that show people with anxiety and depressive disorders interpret neutral social stimuli as negative. My guess is, she thinks you don't like her or was displeased in the moment by what you said, so she interpreted your facial expression negatively. Yes, how she handled it was rude, but I wouldn't worry too much about it unless she starts regularly speaking to you in an accusatory tone.

Yes ,it it could be she didn’t like the reminder she looked really overwhelmed in the moment .

I think she felt that you were criticizing her by pointing out that the room was booked and she didn't book it or checked whether it was booked. Some women are touchy especially when another woman corrects them. There's this whole rivalry thing that sometimes goes on in the business world.

Oh I get that. There is only one man in our whole establishment . Not to mention the fact I am old enough to be her mom.

Today I reminded someone at work that a room is being used tomorrow so their program can’t use it as they forgot to book another place. Then she stops and says to me “ why are you looking at me that way?” in a rather aggressive tone.

Were you looking at her, perhaps expecting a response, after you gave her the reminder? My mother had a tight-lipped stern "look" she would give me at times, and my older sister does it to me at times, too. It comes across as very judgmental and rather superior. That what comes to mind with her response. Who knows? I don't find your co-workers words all the rude, but an agressive tone of voice would be.

Were you looking at her, perhaps expecting a response, after you gave her the reminder? My mother had a tight-lipped stern "look" she would give me at times, and my older sister does it to me at times, too. It comes across as very judgmental and rather superior. That what comes to mind with her response. Who knows? I don't find your co-workers words all the rude, but an agressive tone of voice would be.

I have no clue whatsoever how I looked at her. No one has ever asked me that .

I have no clue whatsoever how I looked at her. No one has ever asked me that .

You didn't ask her? Just turned and left? That could be interpreted as rude, too. Rudeness is a tricky thing. The one being rude might not intend it or see it, but the one offended does. It's tricky being human with other humans around!

You didn't ask her? Just turned and left? That could be interpreted as rude, too. Rudeness is a tricky thing. The one being rude might not intend it or see it, but the one offended does. It's tricky being human with other humans around!

True. But there was really no answer. I didn’t feel I looked at her any way in particular and she felt I did. Never encountering that I was kind of shocked so I left. I wasn’t going to have a discussion about it in front of the receptionist.

I didn’t feel I looked at her any way in particular and she felt I did.

You each interpret the situation differently. No one is right or wrong. Just hurt.

You each interpret the situation differently. No one is right or wrong. Just hurt.

For sure . It could be we were both tired and had enough for the day.

For sure . It could be we were both tired and had enough for the day.

Yep, that makes sense!

I think too in a conflict situation I forget half of what happened due to ptsd because my brain can’t tolerate it and I am extremely stressed by the work place since January.