Are they busy or not interested?

So two summers ago I met this girl in NYC who seemed to be interested in me, I now moved to the city and have taken her on two dates. Both two dates were tough to nail down for both of us because we both work entry level finance jobs and are pretty busy. I canceled the first date last second because of meeting with a client and had to reschedule it. Regardless both dates went well, first date was after work happy hour at a wine bar. Second date was at a michelin star resturant by the water which ended in a walk, ice cream and us making out all over town while on our walk (we split a bottle of wine at dinner). At the end of our second date, we made tentative plans for Thursday to hangout. I reached out to her Tuesday about Thursday and she said she couldnt come because her friends from out of town surprised her (which they did she was posting pictures with them all over social media). I told her i would be free saturday and maybe we could do something then, she said she would get back to me about saturday and let me know. She reached out to me saturday morning saying she had to work saturday night on a new account and would not be able to hangout because it's a new account she had to catch up on. Sunday morning i reached out and teased her a bit about how busy she was, and she flirted back, so i asked what her plan was for the week. She remarked she was super busy and stressed out because she was moving to a new place and this week would not work and she would be helping her friends move (she mentioned she was moving during our second date and how she was worried about it). During our second date, i mentioned I might be able to help her move and she liked that. during our conversation yesterday I mentioned again i might be free to help her move and she was very happy i brought it up and said she would get back to me about it.

My question is, is this girl interested and busy? Or is she blowing me off and not interested? im perplexed because im not getting a counter offer but i am getting interest on some level. and both dates went well!

It's difficult to tell if she's interested or blowing you off. You're busy, she's busy. I remember I went through an 8-year period where I found it incredibly difficult to even go out with my friends let alone go out on dates because I was working so hard. I would give her the benefit of doubt and give her a few more chances, and then drop it in her lap and tell her to contact you when she has some free time. But give her a few more chances.

Yeah, it's definitely a tough call man. At this point I would wait a week and see if you hear from her. You've made it clear you'd like to see her again, so the ball is in her court. If you don't get a message after a week, I wouldn't see the harm in reaching out one final time. Just be careful you don't come off as hounding her, and if she makes an excuse about being busy in a week, let it go for good.

She sounds interested but slow down the asking and dates a bit. It sounds like you are a bit too persistent and starting to crowd her. Asking for dates 4 x in this short a span is too much. That's when you start getting the "busy" and "stressed" answers.

Being new in town can seem lonely so start to find other social outlets outside of work and dating her. Just relax and stop texting this much and leave at let me know when you're free...then stop texting/asking.

I reached out to her Tuesday about Thursday

I told her i would be free saturday

Sunday morning i reached out and teased her a bit about how busy she was

i asked what her plan was for the week.

Yeah I got won tickets to see John Mayer next Friday , do I message her on Sunday if she doesn’t get back to me about helping her move and offer to go?

Do you know she likes John Mayer? If she doesn't, she'll likely say no, and one more rejection of plans will probably finish the two of you. Give her the week and then offer something more casual. Concerts are more of a later game date to me, because they're a huge investment of time.

You've done the most recent initiating and asking for dates, now is the time to step back and she if she steps up.

Don't ask her out anymore or offer to help move.

Look, she definitely has some interest because she does follow up with the date to let you know she can't make it. She remembered your Saturday date, and even though she couldn't make it, she did acknowledge it rather than blowing off the idea completely. She seems really busy & stressed so give her a week or so & I bet if she is less stressed & busy she will reach out. If not, just move on.

You both seem extremely busy and she seems interested, and I'm hoping this is just a set of unfortunate circumstances from trying to do well in career, taking on some brunt work at all hours, trying to move, helping a friend move, the out-of-town friends surprising her...one thing piles on another. I think the interest seems high enough that it wouldn't hurt to keep your foot in the door. The reality is, no matter how much she likes you, can you work around such a busy schedule for weeks and weeks? Once we get through the moving situation, you'd think things would free up, right? Will there be more issues that pop up, and even if she's truly interested, is this what you want? Do you need to make the decision to stop pursuing because she can't offer what you want?

Of course if she's not interested, the answer is clear...she'll always be busy and you'll eventually drop the rope.

Your choice on how long you will keep trying. The move will be accomplished next week, and time for a breather...and I hope she has the time. If not, weigh your choices. If she's interested, keep the door open for that. You've extended yourself a great deal and she probably needs to extend herself to you at this point, but it won't hurt to check in and ask how she's doing.

I wish I had an easy answer, but the result is the same...either she's uninterested and "always busy" as a result, or she's genuinely busy, likes you a great deal, but can't offer what you want...so you move on. I hope it's just a ball of crazy-making that subsides after this move and you two can get back to some (both busy) normalcy.

Yeah I got won tickets to see John Mayer next Friday , do I message her on Sunday if she doesn’t get back to me about helping her move and offer to go?

If it were me I would take a friend to the concert instead.

And also wouldn’t offer to help someone I had only been on two dates with move but that’s just me.

It’s awesome that you like her and all but you are being a bit over eager.

Can I ask you the reason you moved to NYC? If you hadn't met her several summers ago, would you still have accepted or sought a job there? Just wondering if she was a catalyst or not in that decision, and if so, if she might feel pressure, if she thinks you may have moved there because of her, because that's a major thing.

When she said her friends surprised her for a visit, you should have left the next invite in getting together to her. You should also have let her be the one to initiate contact with you after that, (a text or call) to gauge her interest.

Instead, you keep doing the asking with her giving excuses, and now you have to play the waiting game even longer than you would have if you hadn't asked her out after her friends' visit. You would have gotten your answer a lot more quickly if you had only then waited to see if she got in touch within the next few days. Because as a woman, if I was truly busy, I certainly wouldn't let more than 2 days go by without texting or calling a guy who I couldn't see at that moment, to let him know I was interested and wouldn't want his interest to lag because I ignored him.

So two summers ago I met this girl in NYC who seemed to be interested in me, I now moved to the city and have taken her on two dates. Both two dates were tough to nail down for both of us because we both work entry level finance jobs and are pretty busy. I canceled the first date last second because of meeting with a client and had to reschedule it. Regardless both dates went well, first date was after work happy hour at a wine bar. Second date was at a michelin star resturant by the water which ended in a walk, ice cream and us making out all over town while on our walk (we split a bottle of wine at dinner). At the end of our second date, we made tentative plans for Thursday to hangout. I reached out to her Tuesday about Thursday and she said she couldnt come because her friends from out of town surprised her (which they did she was posting pictures with them all over social media). I told her i would be free saturday and maybe we could do something then, she said she would get back to me about saturday and let me know. She reached out to me saturday morning saying she had to work saturday night on a new account and would not be able to hangout because it's a new account she had to catch up on. Sunday morning i reached out and teased her a bit about how busy she was, and she flirted back, so i asked what her plan was for the week. She remarked she was super busy and stressed out because she was moving to a new place and this week would not work and she would be helping her friends move (she mentioned she was moving during our second date and how she was worried about it). During our second date, i mentioned I might be able to help her move and she liked that. during our conversation yesterday I mentioned again i might be free to help her move and she was very happy i brought it up and said she would get back to me about it.

 

My question is, is this girl interested and busy? Or is she blowing me off and not interested? im perplexed because im not getting a counter offer but i am getting interest on some level. and both dates went well!

If you have to wonder about someone's interest, they're not.

I dont necessarily agree entirely with any ofvthe posts here. A lot of people are busy andcstressed with their jobs. Often their livescare so full and wirk and living demands change constantly that it can be difficult to find time for going out. That doesnt usually help make relationships hapoy for either ir bith peopke. However, many women have a type if unspoken rule about being invited out well in advance. They belueve tgat if a man trult lijes them, he will make plans in advance with more than a couple days notice - ior they might feel that they are just being settled for

I believe that if someone wants to be with you, they'll make the effort, regardless of the circumstances. As others have suggested, back off, don't contact her, and let her come to you. If you don't hear from her, you have your answer.

She's hedging her bets. I'm sure she's definitely interested in you, and other people at the same time. Don't put all your eggs in this basket. Just hang back. You've invited her three times in a row now. It's up to her. Add a bit of mystery. Don't reach out. Let her reach out for the next one.

Post lots of pic of the John Mayer concert on FB, and take a friend or family member.

I mean she has been completely transparent with you about what all she has going on right now. Not like she is coming up with some last minute bs excuses. I also agree with the posters who are telling you to cool your jets a bit. You know all that is happening in her life right now and keep pushing for a date or attention or whatever. Chill out. You aren't far along enough dating to be called on to help with moving. That's just too much. It's a nice gesture to offer, but I can't imagine her actually accepting it - too much too soon and would be kind of awkward. Still, you got points for offering, but now let it be.

Let her move, give her some breathing space - you should know that moving sucks and it is a crazy time for everyone. Maintain a more light contact, and ask for a date once things have calmed down for her a little and then see what she says. She has certainly been honest and responsive and open with you, so I do think she is interested, unless you keep blindly pushing for a date, in which case she may well decide you are too needy and tone deaf.

I dont necessarily agree entirely with any ofvthe posts here. A lot of people are busy andcstressed with their jobs. Often their livescare so full and wirk and living demands change constantly that it can be difficult to find time for going out. That doesnt usually help make relationships hapoy for either ir bith peopke. However, many women have a type if unspoken rule about being invited out well in advance. They belueve tgat if a man trult lijes them, he will make plans in advance with more than a couple days notice - ior they might feel that they are just being settled for

I agree that a woman needs more time than two days. I also believe when people want to be with us, they will make time for us. And if someone truly is so busy that they can't, or won't, then they're probably not in a place where they should be dating.

In my experience if I had to constantly wonder if they were interested, at the end of the day they weren't. Or, they were mildly interested. Mild interest, is actually more annoying than no interest. That's why I started focusing my efforts on women that showed only keen and consistent interest. I strongly believe if we ignore the tire kickers and the 'busy' people, dating and life are more enjoyable, and a lot less stressful.

Indeed tough to say, but my gut is telling me you should be seeing other women and stop being so "nice", her telling you all the reasons she can't meet and how she's stressed,

sure you think she's honest and not making excuses, but in my experience when you ask someone about their schedule and they really want to see you, they won't kind of vent

on all these details they'll just try to propose another time to meet up.

If you don't really want to see someone, what do you do, you detail precisely how you are busy etc and complain about it no !?

So I tend to think she isn't that interested, otherwise she'd make more efforts but man you seem a bit too eager, tune that down this never is any good it tends to either get you

rejected for looking needy or attract needy people and you want neither of these !