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Thread: 6-months intense online relationship with a girl with (bpd)

  1. #1

    6-months intense online relationship with a girl with (bpd)

    At first i was attracted to her on Facebook, so i texted her and we seemed very similar. We talked about everything for almost everyday. I fell in love with her and also she did. We started to fight and argue about little things. I felt like i am more intrested in her than she is in me. Me who always texts first. She was literally my everything, i couldn't feel happy without texting her and tell her about my daily details.

    I was blaming her for her ignorance sometimes and she was just replying " i am bad and you know that". So i say OK i still love you and can endure this, while in fact i was crying days and days for her bad behaviour with me.

    And there was a day on which she hurt me a lot, i blamed her but she didn't show remorse and didn't even admit her fault. I got very mad and hurt then i told her "i feel very sorry fir my love towards you, you don't deserve it. I do not wanna see you again" and then blocked her on facebook. After about 10 minutes she texted me on twitter and said "i was in love with you, i am very bad person and i am really sorry".

    I tried to text her again on facebook and twitter but she didn't reply for a week. Then she replied that our relationship has ended and i should not text her anymore, so i said OK as you want. While i was crying.

    Another week passed and i was stalking her on facebook, she seemed that she has forgotten our truthful feelings. I sent her a message that you shouldn't deny our good feelings. And we statrted talking like friends but i was still loving her and she also seemed she still loves me . Eventually, she told me she is not comfortable about our talk and we should stop texting until i could stop loving her then we can be friends.

    I feel so dumped for this. I need to stop my thoughts that we may get together again.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    My ex-boyfriend was diagnosed BPD. It was indeed a roller coaster. While emotional volatility is certainly a hallmark of the condition, I am curious to know whether she's actually been professionally diagnosed or if this is a conclusion you arrived at on your own.

    In any case, I would say that now is the time to understand why you got this attached to someone you've never met. (At least, I am assuming you haven't, given that you describe this as an online relationship - is that correct?) It's not healthy to be emotionally dependent on a stranger, especially not to the degree that you cannot cope without talking to them and they become your everything. That suggests you don't have much in your life offline. Why not unplug, and meet a girl in real life, with whom you can develop a real, healthy relationship?

    This girl's apparent issues are not actually the biggest concern in this whole scenario.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Could not agree more with Miss Canuck. To get this invested in someone solely over text—I'm sorry, but something is going on there that you need to get to the root of.

    It's natural that, when we're excited about a new person, we create all sorts of hopes and fantasies around them—something that's even easier to do when a relationship is digital. But you need to have some kind of mechanism in your mind that recognizes the gap between projection and reality. Also, you need to have more going on in your life so you're not dependent on constant contact for emotional validation. Be it online or IRL, that's just a recipe for a codependent relationship in which obsession and infatuation are mistaken for deeper feelings.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    I think your focus should be completely on you and not a perceived medical diagnosis of your ex. I'm not going to lie. I don't know very much about BPD, but I'm not understanding where in any of this she acted out of the ordinary for these online drama filled relationships. This is typically how they go, overly dramatic back and forth. Seems like you were both active participants. Heartbreak in these situations is almost always inevitable because there is rarely an end game.

    Go out with friends, try to meet local girls, maybe online dating. Something is stopping you from pursuing girls in real life. Focus on that.

    One day at a time.


  6. #5
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    As someone very familiar with that condition, i will tell you to run, run, run!!! This woman is love avoidant and she will continuously pull you in and push you away. She has probably left a long line of hurt, damaged men behind her and you will just become another one of them. It is my opinion that she will move on to someone else once she bores of you or finds someone else that provides better "supply" for her-- attention, praise and compliments. You nay never be the only man in her life, for the fear of being alone and abandoned is too great. Once the idealization phase passes, and it will, she will then devalue you. For the sake of your self worth and peace of mind, move on. I'm not saying all Bpds are like this, some are not- but the push/pull dynamics will drain your soul eventually. Good luck to you.
    Last edited by smJackson; 07-16-2018 at 12:36 PM.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Sorry to hear this. Have you ever met in person? She sounds like bad news. You will find better local real life girls once you stop communicating with her.
    Originally Posted by Ahmed1510
    At first i was attracted to her on Facebook, so i texted her and we seemed very similar. We talked about everything for almost everyday. I fell in love with her and also she did. We started to fight and argue about little things.

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