Can A Relationship Survive A One Time Cheat?

I'm getting married in October. But I did cheat on him once. About 6 months ago. I didn't admit it. I don't need to in the sense that there's no way he can find out. If I admit it, that is basically the same thing as calling it off. He won't forgive me and neirther should he. I have no excuse for what I did. We were fighting a little at the time. But that's not a good excuse. Can I forgive myself? Learn from it? And never do it again. But at the same time, go on like it never happened?

One time is enough. You knew it'd hurt the guy but you still did it?

Do the right thing and tell him the truth.

I would confess to him and let him decide (and he needs to know so he can get tested). If you run into the arms of another man when things are rocky .....that's not a good way to handle conflict going into a marriage. If you said you cheated 2 months into a 10 year relationship, i would let it go -- but 6 months ago -- leading up to your wedding?? I highly suggest counseling. If he calls off the wedding or postpones it to go to counseling - he deserves that right. Better now than in 10 years and 2 kids when he finds out or you confess

I can't imagine how a marriage starting out on deceit can ever be fully healthy, happy or successful, but that's just me. You're starting out by deceiving him - he should be able to decide if he wants to remain with you, imo.

And yes of course you can learn from this.

This is for him to decide, as he has the right to know what he's getting into, and where to go from there.

What situation did you put yourself in, in which you gave yourself permission to cheat? Was this someone you knew? Had you been talking to him for a while, or was this a random you met on a night out after a fight or something?

Neither is acceptable, to be clear. I ask you the above simply to get you to reflect on how exactly you're going to avoid repeating this in the future, and how likely it is to happen again. You can tell yourself you'd never do it again, and you might not, but I have also sometimes seen "one-time" cheaters turn into more habitual cheaters. They never get to the bottom of their true unhappiness in the relationship and continue to seek external validation. Not good.

Yes, I would tell him. He needs to marry you not under false pretenses, but with the knowledge of what he is really signing up for and the true state of your commitment. Marriage is no joke, and if he decides he cannot go through with it, that is your bed to lie in.

In my opinion, it'd be downright cruel to marry this man without giving him the relevant information so he can decide for himself . What's the point of a marriage based on lies? Just seems selfish to me. So you'd be standing there making vows you know are bull even as they are coming out of your mouth?

What happens the next time you have some issues. Will you screw around with someone else?

Tell him.

You have to tell him, if i were him i would want to know and then decide if i could live with that and marry you or not. I wouldn't but i wouldn't want to marry you based on a lie.

You did this now you have to face the consequences!

Do not tell him! Once you tell him, the relationship is over. You will never regain his trust and you will regret it for the rest of your life. We have people writing in here to ENA to say their significant others broke up with them just because they had too many boyfriends before them. Or just because an old opposite sex friend texted them out of the blue. Heck, we have people who were dumped just because they talked to a stranger on the street. This is a secret you keep to yourself.

You can read a debate about this in Psychology Today at:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201706/should-you-tell-your-partner-you-cheated

Once you get married, you then are promising to "foresake all others." But think about the guys who have sex with a prostitute during their bachelor parties or who got hand jobs and such. Do they tell their brides? No they don't! They say, got drunk and fell asleep. Yeah, right.

If you want a chance for your marriage to succeed, do not tell your boyfriend unless you want to end the relationship.

Just learn from this experience and don't do it again.

I completely disagree with Danzee. I think that is low down. Condoning men who sleep with prostitutes at their bachelor party? Good lord.

You don't go around having sex with whomever and thinking you have a right to treat your so called beloved like that. You DO NOT have the right.

People need to treat each other better that includes being loyal. If you can't keep your wee wee in your pants on the night of your bachelor party, then there is a good chance you're too immature and not ready for marriage. Having sex a few days before the wedding is disgusting...never okay, not 'boys being boys'...it's disgusting.

I agree with what others have said in terms of admitting what you've done, being an adult about what you've done and owning up to it.

You had the freedom of choice to sleep with this person, now give your boyfriend the freedom to decide if he can accept that or not.

Anything less makes you a liar and your relationship a complete fake.

Do not tell him! Once you tell him, the relationship is over. You will never regain his trust and you will regret it for the rest of your life. We have people writing in here to ENA to say their significant others broke up with them just because they had too many boyfriends before them. Or just because an old opposite sex friend texted them out of the blue. Heck, we have people who were dumped just because they talked to a stranger on the street. This is a secret you keep to yourself.

 

You can read a debate about this in Psychology Today at:

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201706/should-you-tell-your-partner-you-cheated

 

Once you get married, you then are promising to "foresake all others." But think about the guys who have sex with a prostitute during their bachelor parties or who got hand jobs and such. Do they tell their brides? No they don't! They say, got drunk and fell asleep. Yeah, right.

 

If you want a chance for your marriage to succeed, do not tell your boyfriend unless you want to end the relationship.

 

Just learn from this experience and don't do it again.

Great link. Surprising what you took away from it. For instance, you could have quoted this:

"Again, if you want to save your relationship, you need to tell your partner about your cheating, preferably with therapeutic assistance. The most precious element of your relationship is trust, and that is violated not just when you cheat, but when you lie and keep secrets about the cheating. Sure, this type of painful honesty can lead to a rough breakup. But usually that only occurs in relationships that were not on solid footing anyway. In relationships in which there is real love and true connection, the truth is more likely to precipitate a process of healing."

How long have you been dating/engaged? Do you live together? What were the circumstances besides "fighting a little"? Was there a break? Were you traveling? Was it an ex?

I did cheat on him once. About 6 months ago. there's no way he can find out.

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