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Thread: Having Expectations and Dissapointment

  1. #31
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    Originally Posted by saluk
    Yes it's like love languages. If your love language is touch, and you go up and give someone a big bear hug, and they give you a mild squeeze back, you are going to be disappointed because you didn't realize beforehand that you might not share the same language. If you continue to try and give them bear hugs and only get light squeezes in return, you are going to keep being disappointed until you realize that they show their love in other ways. You decide to either appreciate the way that they can show it, or decide that your languages are too incompatible and you need someone who can return the bear hug with the same amount of enthusiasm.

    These people don't care as much about dress color as you do. Unless you are directly sending them on a mission that day to get you a specific kind of dress, and make that clear, you are going to get what you get - the dress they thought you would look good in.
    But is it really a love language to say "the way I expect to receive love is for you to select the particular type of gift I want when I tell the what gift I want you to get me and if not I won't believe you love me" - doesn't sound like a love language to me.

  2. #32
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    But is it really a love language to say "the way I expect to receive love is for you to select the particular type of gift I want when I tell the what gift I want you to get me and if not I won't believe you love me" - doesn't sound like a love language to me.
    Haha. Well I was saying it's similar not that it is one. But who knows, maybe we have discovered a new one!

  3. #33
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    That and 'Can Read Minds'...lol
    Originally Posted by saluk
    But who knows, maybe we have discovered a new one!

  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by saluk
    Haha. Well I was saying it's similar not that it is one. But who knows, maybe we have discovered a new one!
    I think it's a bad idea to use the word "love" to describe what she says she expects from another person. If that is her "language", her "MO" then she can find a person who is very focused about making sure that what he does and gets for his partner is precisely what she asked for and to keep track of what those items and services are (and keep photos on his phone as needed). Typically that person will be insecure so that is the downside but she'll get her upside.

    I'd never want to discover a new love language that involved what she is referring to.

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  6. 08-03-2018, 07:29 AM

  7. #35
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    Ok I think I get this more than others do, and I think it’s fair to be disappointed in these situations. It is not a childish “I didn’t get what I want” sentiment (you have your own money and can go buy your own things.) It’s more about being saddened that the giver didn’t listen or care about your preferences, didn’t “know you” or “get you,” didn’t want to make the experience special for you, kinda like they just wanted credit and to be thanked, or they wanted convenience and just ran in the store and got whatever they saw first as though to check off the box that they did it, but didn’t really want to invest the time into honoring your preferences.

    To the extent this relates to physical gifts, I’ve suggested to said givers that perhaps we don’t exchange gifts but just agree to get together during the holiday season or for our birthdays. This has helped to stave off those feelings; and an unintended consequence is a simpler life with less clutter in my home, less obligation in my life.

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