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I want him back but he's scared


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My ex boyfriend and I were together for roughly about 10 months. We're both in our senior year of high school and experienced our firsts together. For the most part, our relationship was great and we were each others best friend and first true love. Around the last couple of months of our relationship we started fighting and bickering. He was going out with his friends a lot and I became paranoid and a bit crazy. It came to a point wherein I was crying and begging him to talk things out with me but after weeks of trying I decided to break it off (May). We ended on good terms but we still very much loved each other and the break up truly crushed us.

 

We had no contact for about a month and we both did our own stuff. I began talking to other guys and he began seeing this girl about 2 weeks after our breakup. Almost a month ago things happened which led us to be in contact again. It started with smiles along the hallways and progressed to nightly calls. I said sorry for hurting him and told him I want us to try again. He told me he still has strong feelings for me too but we should try to rebuild our friendship and that he's not looking for a relationship right now. I dropped the guys I was talking to but now I'm very jealous of the girl he is seeing because he just told me that he didn't want anything serious. I talked to him about it and he told me that they're only friends and nothing has happened between the two of them but I get hurt because I know they're flirting. People in school know that he and the girl are together and no one knows that we call every night. I'm just so confused as to why he doesn't want to try with me again. I know that he's scared to trust me and to fall for me and I don't know what I can do to make him change his mind.

 

He really is a good guy and looking back, our relationship problems can still be fixed. What should I do because he keeps on sending me mixed signals? I don't think it's best for me to go no contact again if I want him back because that will only push him away and into his rebound.

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You need to forget this guy, for a couple reasons:

 

1) He is dating someone else. Clearly, he is minimizing their involvement to you because he doesn't want to hurt you. He might also want to keep you in his back pocket in case things don't work out with her. Don't allow yourself to be Plan B.

 

2) He's telling you he doesn't want a relationship. That is critical, because it usually means "I don't want a relationship with you."

 

3) It didn't work out the first time. There's a reason for that. What would be different the second time around?

 

The reality is that most high school relationships have a short lifespan. They can be intense and significant, yes, but they often fizzle out as one or both parties lose interest. He's a young guy who wants to meet other girls and not commit to just one person right now. It would be best if you don't wait around for him or campaign too hard. The right guy for you doesn't need to be convinced to date you.

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The two of you are either on your way to college or getting ready to start careers. Either way, ending high school is a period of transition for a lot of people. He likely understands that the two of you are young and have many more experiences to be had in the coming years. He isn't scared. Your ex knows there is no point in going back to a girl who dumped him. Likely, he isn't serious about the new girl, but even if he is it doesn't matter. Cut contact and stop providing your ex with emotional security while he explores his options. You deserve better than a guy who has flat out told you he doesn't want to commit.

 

Oh, and really analyze if part of what's drawing you to the situation is your jealousy over the new girl. Competing with new partners is a toxic behavior that will never end well. The two of you broke up for good reasons. Work on accepting it is over, because what you are currently doing will destroy what self-esteem you have.

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