I don’t know where to turn

Should I be the one to say sorry.... it went like this My partner ask me to buy him McDonald’s breakfast so I said yes here’s the money can u go he said no so off I went he was still in bed, when I got back he comes down to eat then lays on the sofa watching something on his iPad, I ask him if he will help with the cleaning up no reply about half hour later he gets a call from his friend to help sort his car that won’t start. he jumps up and goes right away, anyway I was a bit annoyed with him because he wouldn’t go out for me and help with the chores later on I ask will he nip to the shop as I was making tea he called our son to go and I just said I asked u and he said are u in a mood because I helped so so this morning. I said no he then said never to tell him what to do again and he can do as he pleases anyway he comes into the kitchen and picks up the food I was making for our son and throws it in my face then hit my on the back off the neck with the rest which did really hurt, he then Said I’m sick of you and said I should stick to cleaning floors I’m a cleaner just goes to show how much respect he has for me, it’s not the first time this has happened, he’s forever calling me names and putting my family down, I can’t ever tell him my problems because he gets in a mood I just have to keep it all inside to keep the pace. Just wish I didn’t say anything now.

Why do you put up with this abuse? How long have you been with him? I don't care if there's a child involved no reason to stay! Please get help with leaving him and find yourself some counseling as to why you put up with this so you don't again. You don't deserve this!

Never never stay with an abuser. Your child will normalize this dynamic . They will either come out with mental issues and become either an abuser or someone who puts up with abuse . My mom stayed in an abusive relationship with my father far far too long and it’s part of the reason that I will have lifelong PTSD . Depending on where you are as well your child could be picked up by children social services as an abused child .

Do not put up with this anymore .

Do you have friends or family members you can go and stay with for awhile? If so, please get yourself and your child out of this situation and into a safe and secure place.

If you don't do something now, there is a good chance that child protection services will remove your child from your home at some point... please don't wait until this happens, or until you get hurt so badly you end up hospitalized or worse.

This is terrible. You are being treated terribly! You deserve so much better. Please don't think that this is okay or normal. He is using you and treating you with no respect what so ever, and it's dangerous! No one ever has the right to hit you or touch you in an abusive way!!!!!

You don't need to live like this.

Please do everything you can to get out of this situation. Go stay with family or friends, go to a woman's shelter, join a support group online or in person for abused women. Do everything you can to help yourself.

Get out. He is abusive. Got to a family or friends. Now!

Your child should be exposed to this. This is abusive to your child. Your child can be removed from your care.

He does not love, care about, or respect you. Leave!

There are abuse hotlines you can call to go over your options. You should never be treated this way.

No, you shouldn't be saying sorry. Abusers do have a way of turning situations round so it looks like you're the bad guy - ignoring their own completely unacceptable behaviour in the process.

As others have said, you need to get out of this relationship. Explore your options and plan an escape route ensuring the safety of you and your son, but it sounds like you're so accustomed to this kind of treatment that you're not seeing quite how bad it is. The longer you stay, the worse it will become.

Been together 17 years it’s really hard to just walk away

I know it’s wrong and I shouldn’t put up with this but I can’t see no way out. I have no friends and my family don’t really care about me much and my children love their dad and would be heartbroken if he wasn’t around anymore.

Of course it's hard...it's an incredibly frightening and difficult prospect to face, untying seventeen years of togetherness, both emotionally and practically and this is a large part of why people suffering abuse don't walk away. But I said this to my friend who was in the same situation as you, do not look at the whole separation, from start to end, as one big mission that has to be addressed in one go. The first step is to pack what you need for yourself and child for a few days and go to a safe place, ie family or friends. Then you address each aspect of the separation bit by bit. In the UK we have Children's Centres where you can go and they will find all the right support for you. Do you have something like this? Then you will be allocated different people to support you: a domestic abuse advisor, social worker or family support etc. They will help you with everything you need on both a practical and emotional level. It is ALWAYS possible, I can promise you that. It may take several months and you will have to be very strong, but you can do it.

Your partner is an abuser. If, in the unlikely event there is any chance he can change, he must do this as a single man. He will never change whilst you are there. He still has a child with you, so this is important whether you chose to reconcile or not. But tbh, it doesn't sound like he's anywhere close to recognising his abhorrent behaviour. You and your child will continue to suffer. You must look to the future in a realistic light. Not the future you hope for with him, but the real one that you are facing. I left my first child's father as he behaved just like this. I wasn't even allowed to chose my food to eat, he controlled every aspect of my life. Myself and my baby girl were escorted away from the house by the police and taken to my friend's house (the neighbours had called the police because he wouldn't let me leave and I was trying to climb out the window with my baby). I can tell you now that life on the other side is amazing once you recover. The sense of freedom never really goes away and all the little things that a lot of people take for granted you really appreciate on a daily basis. Your confidence comes back, you smile again and one day you meet the right man who respects you and your child. Only when you truly reflect on what you want for yours and your child's future can you really find the strength within yourself to make these changes. I feel for you Louise, with every part of me. Please, please, start this process towards the life you truly dersve. Life is too short to allow someone to make you so sad. Good luck and keep us posted. PS, feel free to PM me if you would like any further support X

Just read your last post that I think you put whilst I was writing. So if there are no friends or family you can turn to then you must turn to a charity or women's refuge. They will do everything for you and you will get all the help you need I promise. Your partner may not see your children for a little while but the emotional suffering of your children in the long term by staying in this situation far outweighs the short term upset of not seeing him for a while. Children puddle hop, they will not dwell on this in the same way we, as adults imagine they will. If he gets the right help and learns to recongise and subsequently break this negative pattern of behaviour, there is no reason for him not to see them again further down the line. Even if it's supervised contact at first. You face a long and arduous process but I promise you the outcome will not only massively benefit the life of you and your children, but also for that of your partner.

Been together 17 years it’s really hard to just walk away

Life is hard where you are now though. And the kids will be more devastated if they have to sit and watch this for the rest of their lives. When I left my ex of 15 years, my daughter was more upset that I had stayed for so long than she was when I left. I have done a lot of sh&tty things in my life... and have no regrets because they made me who I am today... the only thing I DO regret is staying in my marriage for as long as I did because it caused my children pain to watch.

How's it going OP?