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So, it's about three weeks out for my wedding (girl) to my bisexual fiance. Well, at the bachelor party, it slipped out that he was that way, and my brother was there, who had not known that. He was surprised, but was like it's all cool bro. He then told my sister, but they both promised they wouldn't tell my parents.

 

Well, one of them broke that and now my Mom knows. She's a very holy person, and is telling me that "this isn't a heterosexual relationship" and "not a Covenant with God," and "how can you trust him not to go cheat with a guy and hurt you later in the marriage?" among a whole host of things.

 

She's going to tell my Dad, who is way worse and is quick to anger. I'm not sure how to respond at this point if he wants to talk later.

 

I just want to cry. I feel betrayed mostly, but like I did not need this stress with less than a month to go! :(

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Yup. We had gotten back together, worked through things with a counselor, my parents were on board and really especially my Dad was starting to love him. Now this has slipped out. I don't know what to do.

 

I don't think there's much you can do, really.

 

Of course, you could try talking to your parents but I have a feeling they won't be open to listening. They didn't like him before and this is not going to help, given their apparent stance on his sexual orientation. Your fiance also shouldn't feel obligated to explain or defend such a deeply personal part of himself, but I am curious, what are his thoughts on your parents' knowing this?

 

Your parents might kick and scream, but you are the one marrying him. You obviously accept him as he is, which is the most important factor here. It would obviously be great to have your mom and dad's full support, but you might find yourself needing to proceed with the wedding without their approval. Do you feel you can do so?

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I don't think there's much you can do, really.

 

Of course, you could try talking to your parents but I have a feeling they won't be open to listening. They didn't like him before and this is not going to help, given their apparent stance on his sexual orientation. Your fiance also shouldn't feel obligated to explain or defend such a deeply personal part of himself, but I am curious, what are his thoughts on your parents' knowing this?

 

Your parents might kick and scream, but you are the one marrying him. You obviously accept him as he is, which is the most important factor here. It would obviously be great to have your mom and dad's full support, but you might find yourself needing to proceed with the wedding without their approval. Do you feel you can do so?

 

He's a bit shocked and worried, but also feels betrayed as well. He's going through options right now in case my parent do pull funding for the wedding, and I believe I can go on without them, but that will take a huge amount of courage to do so.

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He's a bit shocked and worried, but also feels betrayed as well. He's going through options right now in case my parent do pull funding for the wedding, and I believe I can go on without them, but that will take a huge amount of courage to do so.

 

I am curious, how did it come out during the bachelor party that he is bisexual? I ask because it seems he was comfortable enough to share this with your brother, yes? I don't think he can be too shocked it made it back to your parents in that case.

 

I would start looking at alternative sources of funding, yes. If you believe your parents will refuse to contribute now, you are going to need to cut some corners. But the money won't be the biggest hurdle at the end of the day. The real struggle will be with your parents and how you will feel if they tell you not to marry him or threaten to cut you off if you do.

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It would have come out sooner or later. Nothing you can do if you are determined to marry him. They are reacting like who they are, religious and all as well as the idea that he may cheat or that the marriage is a sham for someone who may preferentially be with men.

now my Mom knows. She is telling me that "how can you trust him not to go cheat with a guy and hurt you later in the marriage?"
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I am curious, how did it come out during the bachelor party that he is bisexual? I ask because it seems he was comfortable enough to share this with your brother, yes? I don't think he can be too shocked it made it back to your parents in that case.

 

I would start looking at alternative sources of funding, yes. If you believe your parents will refuse to contribute now, you are going to need to cut some corners. But the money won't be the biggest hurdle at the end of the day. The real struggle will be with your parents and how you will feel if they tell you not to marry him or threaten to cut you off if you do.

 

Everyone at the party was drunk, and his friend was like "ohhh (fiance,) you have secrets!!" and his coworker was like "yeah, like that BIGGG one, ya know being bisexual and all" and then my fiance, drunkenly, confessed after that. I did just talk with my Dad, and although he wasn't angry, he was extremely concerned about me being with a "homo" and has urged me to consider postponing the wedding to "think" about it and get "counseling." So I told him I would consider, but in my head I was like this is not happening, I'm three weeks away.

 

So we head home, I get to my car that was left off at work, and drive off. My Dad then proceeds to call my fiance, saying that I was the one having reservations, and that he will not support the wedding on his wallet because of this "shocker" of a secret. So of course my fiance called me, and I was like heck no I did my best to show my dad I wasn't concerned by his sexuality, I was having no reservations at all and he misunderstood something, and my fiance told me he tried to tell him that he was 100% committed but my Dad won't hear it. So my fiance now is saying that he doesn't think he can convince them to change their minds, and wants me to choose either between 1) eloping, 2) calling the whole thing off, or 3) if I can proceed to do it, try to still do the ceremony without them.

 

So now I am just in a miserable state, just shocked and hurt and crying my eyes out.

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Personally, I would elope.

 

 

Personally, both of us don't want to do that and will use that as the last resort if my parents can't come around. We will threaten to go to my fiance's side and have the wedding where he is. But we will try for a bit, with our personal therapist involved trying to help persuade them to keep going with the wedding for now. I just have to keep my head and try to not get them to keep trying to push their ideals and beliefs on me which they already have been doing :/

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Well that's the hard part because I want both. I don't like my parents controlling my life and always holding things over me, but I also don't want to hurt my relationship with them.

 

I get that . Sometimes we don’t get that though. YOU are the one who has to live your life. So you are the one who has to decide how best to live it . No one is happy forced into anything , neither you nor them .

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How are you going to move the wedding to where you fiance's family is in three weeks? I am thinking about the practicality of that; will you not lose money on the venue, catering, transportation for all those in the wedding party/your guests?

 

In any event, this secret was bound to come out one way or another. It's unfortunate that it happened just before the wedding, but did you expect it would be hidden forever?

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Sorry but this marriage sounds doomed regardless of your parents. Marrying someone to defy your parents is never a good idea. They dislike him because he kept hurting you.

He was in a very bad place and said some mean things during an argument, and decided to end things in a moment of heated words he didn't mean to say. they didn't think to see that I am an adult that can make my own decisions. It took me a long time to get over him and to be in an ok state with my parents. (I still resent them for it).The last thing I can think of is just threatening them that I won't talk to them anymore without a counselor involved, and that my decision is final
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I don't know. That will be a huge thing to do, and the actual possibility is that the wedding will just continue where it is, but either with or without my parents.

 

I didn't expect it to be hidden forever, but I hoped it would until after the wedding where my parents couldn't do anything about it.

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They shouldn't be paying for it. If they are they can have a say in it. They can also have a say in things if you are living in their house and they are supporting you, your phone, car, food, insurance, etc. If they ask you to leave you can live with roommates and work, like many 22 year olds do. If you can't handle being financially independent, are you sure you are ready to get married?

They already threatened to not fund my wedding, but I also fear the anger Dad has and the possibility of throwing me out as well.
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