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Thread: I don't know what to do

  1. #41
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    This still doesn't answer the question. How does identifying as bisexual fit with committing to a monogamous marriage? Wouldn't he have ditched the switch a long time ago?

    Sounds like fishing with a drama magnet.
    He still likes guys. But is committed to me. But my parents don't think he is fully committed and that being bisexual is wrong and a sin against God.

  2. #42
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SnugglePuggle
    He still likes guys. But is committed to me. But my parents don't think he is fully committed and that being bisexual is wrong and a sin against God.
    Why would someone who's willing to commit to a monogamous marriage want to hold up a public banner of bisexuality, other than to cause a drama about it? It's either irrelevant at that point, or your parents may be onto something about the guy's level of maturity.

    We can hold up a banner of sexuality to identify who we want to date, but it doesn't make any sense to hold a banner at the alter that doesn't align with the vows we're about to take.

  3. #43
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you hoping he will become purely heterosexual? Has he ever been with a guy? When is the last time that you know of? Have you had that conversation?Your parents are simply acting on their faith and it's teachings. They can believe whatever they chose to believe. Are you getting married in their church?
    Originally Posted by SnugglePuggle
    He still likes guys. But is committed to me. But my parents don't think he is fully committed and that being bisexual is wrong and a sin against God.

  4. #44
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Are you hoping he will become purely heterosexual? Has he ever been with a guy? When is the last time that you know of? Have you had that conversation?Your parents are simply acting on their faith and it's teachings. They can believe whatever they chose to believe. Are you getting married in their church?
    No, he's never been with a guy. And yes, the wedding is supposed to be in my grandparents church.

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  6. #45
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    Why would someone who's willing to commit to a monogamous marriage want to hold up a public banner of bisexuality, other than to cause a drama about it? It's either irrelevant at that point, or your parents may be onto something about the guy's level of maturity.

    We can hold up a banner of sexuality to identify who we want to date, but it doesn't make any sense to hold a banner at the alter that doesn't align with the vows we're about to take.
    He's not wanting to be public about it. His so called friends outted him while drunk, and it just so happened that my brother was there, who then outted to my parents after promising not too. If you had my parents as yours, you would understand. They grew up in a different world than I and my fiance have, and they are extremely religious and over protective. They just want time to process this but my fiance is not wanting to postpone this at all.

  7. #46
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    Originally Posted by SnugglePuggle
    He's not wanting to be public about it. His so called friends outted him while drunk, and it just so happened that my brother was there, who then outted to my parents after promising not too. If you had my parents as yours, you would understand. They grew up in a different world than I and my fiance have, and they are extremely religious and over protective. They just want time to process this but my fiance is not wanting to postpone this at all.
    You don’t know how other people grew up though. Right ?

  8. #47
    Platinum Member thealchemist's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SnugglePuggle
    He's not wanting to be public about it. His so called friends outted him while drunk, and it just so happened that my brother was there, who then outted to my parents after promising not too. If you had my parents as yours, you would understand. They grew up in a different world than I and my fiance have, and they are extremely religious and over protective. They just want time to process this but my fiance is not wanting to postpone this at all.
    My parents and family at one point told me they wouldn't support me marrying my "protestant wh0re" girlfriend because they were just as judgemental as your parents.

    You have no idea the amount of crazy religious indoctrination that runs rampant in many families if you think you are alone in your predicament.

    I feel that you lack the support and resolve your fiance deserves.

    I told my family they could support or not support whatever they want but if they won't support my choice of a spouse in my life then they don't support me and I have no room for people like that in my life.

    Your husband/wife should supersede all but your children.

    But they also never paid for our wedding either, so I wasn't going to take their complaints.

    If you accept their money then you aren't independent and they have every right to speak their minds.

    But we just had to scale down our wedding when we discovered we had zero financial support. Which involved not inviting many people our parents wanted to attend.

  9. #48
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    Originally Posted by thealchemist
    My parents and family at one point told me they wouldn't support me marrying my "protestant wh0re" girlfriend because they were just as judgemental as your parents.

    You have no idea the amount of crazy religious indoctrination that runs rampant in many families if you think you are alone in your predicament.

    I feel that you lack the support and resolve your fiance deserves.

    I told my family they could support or not support whatever they want but if they won't support my choice of a spouse in my life then they don't support me and I have no room for people like that in my life.

    Your husband/wife should supersede all but your children.

    But they also never paid for our wedding either, so I wasn't going to take their complaints.

    If you accept their money then you aren't independent and they have every right to speak their minds.

    But we just had to scale down our wedding when we discovered we had zero financial support. Which involved not inviting many people our parents wanted to attend.

    Sigh. I thought I had everything worked out. My parents and my fiance decided so we can heal, to delay it 2 months. Everything was going fine! Then my fiance calls and says HIS family won't do it and won't come to the wedding because of my Dad's "bigoted" views. So now, my fiance is begging me to elope, and if I don't want too, it's over. He's too hurt to try to fight anymore and won't negotiate.

    I'm so torn and messed up right now.

  10. #49
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Your fiance doesn't have your best interests at heart. Why is he rushing you, forcing ultimatums and threatening to break up? It's a good call to postpone and a better one to cancel the whole thing. What started out wanting to defy your very religious, very conservative parents ended up with your fiance doing the most harm after all. At 22 and 24 what's the big hurry and rush down the aisle? Is it to move out of your parents home? There are better ways of doing that than being with someone who will turn his back on you.. It sounds like your fiance doesn't have your back if he's ready to dump you in a heartbeat. There are plenty of great guys out there who wouldn't try to force you like this or do this to you.
    Originally Posted by SnugglePuggle
    my fiance is begging me to elope, and if I don't want too, it's over.

  11. #50
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Your fiance doesn't have your best interests at heart. Why is he rushing you, forcing ultimatums and threatening to break up? It's a good call to postpone and a better one to cancel the whole thing. What started out wanting to defy your very religious, very conservative parents ended up with your fiance doing the most harm after all. At 22 and 24 what's the big hurry and rush down the aisle? Is it to move out of your parents home? There are better ways of doing that than being with someone who will turn his back on you.. It sounds like your fiance doesn't have your back if he's ready to dump you in a heartbeat. There are plenty of great guys out there who wouldn't try to force you like this or do this to you.
    I'm 24, he's 25. He's extremely hurt, just like I am, and is only doing what he's known how to do all his life because he's had a hard time growing up, and I can't fault him for that. It's something he needs to work on though.

    Our relationship hasn't been this rocky, and we are so strong together and I can see a future with him. But things have just suddenly come out and everyone is hurt and feeling raw and it's complicated things a lot.

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