Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 4 of 7 FirstFirst 1234567 LastLast
Results 31 to 40 of 70

Thread: I don't know what to do

  1. #31
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    22,256
    Gender
    Female
    I'm confused. Do you intend to have a monogamous marriage? If so, how does bisexuality enter into this?

  2. #32
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Posts
    62
    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    I'm confused. Do you intend to have a monogamous marriage? If so, how does bisexuality enter into this?
    We do. But my holy Christian parents are dead set against it, and are threatening to pull funding for my wedding in 3 weeks because "there is no such thing as a bisexual, they're fully gay" and "even if he's sincere, he will still hurt you" and that I will always "wonder if he will want to go try something with a guy" among all this bullcrap and thinks I'm "listening to lies" and "letting Satan take a hold of me."

    Ugh.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    34,802
    Gender
    Male
    Unfortunately, people do not have to finance something they don't believe in or are simply against.

  4. #34
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Posts
    62
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Unfortunately, people do not have to finance something they don't believe in or are simply against.
    I understand but it still is just not only hurtful, but awful as well that they think this way and are willing to do this to their daughter. My fiance is willing to spend his savings on doing a wedding without them if needed, but he doesn't want to postpone the wedding like they want. We will be going to our counselor tonight but I am worried they won't listen to her and still think my fiance is gay and that I'll be divorced years down the line with two kids.

  5.  

  6. #35
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    16,339
    Originally Posted by SnugglePuggle
    I'm ready. I just had a hard time getting a full time job in my area after I graduated from college, that was enough to be able for me to live on my own because where I grew up, it's really expensive. Since I didn't have any experience in my field, no one wanted me and I was just having part time jobs. Then the engagement came in and of course I was going to move to my fiance's place so I couldn't get my own anyway.
    Not sure why you'd say ' of course' you'd move into your fiancé s place and have him support you. You are skipping the entire learning independence aspect of adulthood here.

    You seem resistant to advice which would put your responsibilities on you. Your parents having differing beliefs from you isn't the problem here. If you were independent , or at least willing to take that on, you could simply thank them for the good things they provided in your life and agree to disagree on this.

    For those people in my life who chose to try and force their own religious beliefs on me, I stood up to them and found a nice way to essentially say 'shove it'. It's boundaries. Much easier to do when you are able to take or leave anything they may offer which may have strings attached.

  7. #36
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Posts
    62
    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    Not sure why you'd say ' of course' you'd move into your fiancé s place and have him support you. You are skipping the entire learning independence aspect of adulthood here.

    You seem resistant to advice which would put your responsibilities on you. Your parents having differing beliefs from you isn't the problem here. If you were independent , or at least willing to take that on, you could simply thank them for the good things they provided in your life and agree to disagree on this.

    For those people in my life who chose to try and force their own religious beliefs on me, I stood up to them and found a nice way to essentially say 'shove it'. It's boundaries. Much easier to do when you are able to take or leave anything they may offer which may have strings attached.
    I always wanted to have my own independence and learn that aspect of adulthood but like I said, the cards weren't in it for me at the time and then I got engaged. It would have been stupid to move out with such little time before the wedding especially when I haven't been able to afford it.

    The hard part is, I grew up as the quiet do-goody, "perfect" daughter and they don't like rebellious acts, even if I'm not a child anymore, and they already think I'm stubborn and "listening to Satan." I definitely think they are wrong in a lot of points, and I grew up in a different time in the world than they did, and it's just not right for them to push their "beliefs" whether true or not consistently on me.

    I'm just emotionally drained and tired of this whole ordeal. But still unsure of how to respond to them anymore because it seams they want me to tell them what they want to hear, which is not what I want.

  8. #37
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    34,802
    Gender
    Male
    What is it they want to hear? Agree that pushing beliefs is wrong. Likewise they don't have to accept your beliefs. The problems seems to be your being afraid of them and their pulling the financing of the wedding. Stop fretting and do what you feel is right. If they won't pay for a wedding they disapprove of your fiance said he would pay, right?
    Originally Posted by SnugglePuggle
    it's just not right for them to push their "beliefs"

  9. #38
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Posts
    62
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    What is it they want to hear? Agree that pushing beliefs is wrong. Likewise they don't have to accept your beliefs. The problems seems to be your being afraid of them and their pulling the financing of the wedding. Stop fretting and do what you feel is right. If they won't pay for a wedding they disapprove of your fiance said he would pay, right?
    They want me to postpone the wedding and tell them I have reservations about him being bi, which I don't want and I'm not having any reservations. I guess I am worried about it them pulling funding and/or throwing me out, but I'm still sticking with what I want. I'll see tonight at our therapist if she can help turn them around or at least get them to be apart of my wedding, but if worst scenario comes, my fiance will pay for it and they won't be invited.

  10. #39
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    52
    Posts
    36,799
    Gender
    Female
    Follow your own beliefs and move out. Realize however you will be paying your own wedding which you should anyway and standing as an adult on your own. Having parental approval is great but as adults not necessary. Just as you don’t want to be shoved into a belief they don’t either and that is adult life. People are not going to agree with you.

  11. #40
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    22,256
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    I'm confused. Do you intend to have a monogamous marriage? If so, how does bisexuality enter into this?
    Originally Posted by SnugglePuggle
    We do. But my holy Christian parents are dead set against it, and are threatening to pull funding for my wedding in 3 weeks because "there is no such thing as a bisexual, they're fully gay" and "even if he's sincere, he will still hurt you" and that I will always "wonder if he will want to go try something with a guy" among all this bullcrap and thinks I'm "listening to lies" and "letting Satan take a hold of me."

    Ugh.
    This still doesn't answer the question. How does identifying as bisexual fit with committing to a monogamous marriage? Wouldn't he have ditched the switch a long time ago?

    Sounds like fishing with a drama magnet.

Page 4 of 7 FirstFirst 1234567 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •