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Thread: I don't know what to do

  1. #1
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    I don't know what to do

    So, it's about three weeks out for my wedding (girl) to my bisexual fiance. Well, at the bachelor party, it slipped out that he was that way, and my brother was there, who had not known that. He was surprised, but was like it's all cool bro. He then told my sister, but they both promised they wouldn't tell my parents.

    Well, one of them broke that and now my Mom knows. She's a very holy person, and is telling me that "this isn't a heterosexual relationship" and "not a Covenant with God," and "how can you trust him not to go cheat with a guy and hurt you later in the marriage?" among a whole host of things.

    She's going to tell my Dad, who is way worse and is quick to anger. I'm not sure how to respond at this point if he wants to talk later.

    I just want to cry. I feel betrayed mostly, but like I did not need this stress with less than a month to go! :(

  2. #2
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    Just for some context before responding, is this the same man from this thread?

    [Register to see the link]

  3. #3
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    Yup. We had gotten back together, worked through things with a counselor, my parents were on board and really especially my Dad was starting to love him. Now this has slipped out. I don't know what to do.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by SnugglePuggle
    Yup. We had gotten back together, worked through things with a counselor, my parents were on board and really especially my Dad was starting to love him. Now this has slipped out. I don't know what to do.
    I don't think there's much you can do, really.

    Of course, you could try talking to your parents but I have a feeling they won't be open to listening. They didn't like him before and this is not going to help, given their apparent stance on his sexual orientation. Your fiance also shouldn't feel obligated to explain or defend such a deeply personal part of himself, but I am curious, what are his thoughts on your parents' knowing this?

    Your parents might kick and scream, but you are the one marrying him. You obviously accept him as he is, which is the most important factor here. It would obviously be great to have your mom and dad's full support, but you might find yourself needing to proceed with the wedding without their approval. Do you feel you can do so?

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    I don't think there's much you can do, really.

    Of course, you could try talking to your parents but I have a feeling they won't be open to listening. They didn't like him before and this is not going to help, given their apparent stance on his sexual orientation. Your fiance also shouldn't feel obligated to explain or defend such a deeply personal part of himself, but I am curious, what are his thoughts on your parents' knowing this?

    Your parents might kick and scream, but you are the one marrying him. You obviously accept him as he is, which is the most important factor here. It would obviously be great to have your mom and dad's full support, but you might find yourself needing to proceed with the wedding without their approval. Do you feel you can do so?
    He's a bit shocked and worried, but also feels betrayed as well. He's going through options right now in case my parent do pull funding for the wedding, and I believe I can go on without them, but that will take a huge amount of courage to do so.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by SnugglePuggle
    He's a bit shocked and worried, but also feels betrayed as well. He's going through options right now in case my parent do pull funding for the wedding, and I believe I can go on without them, but that will take a huge amount of courage to do so.
    I am curious, how did it come out during the bachelor party that he is bisexual? I ask because it seems he was comfortable enough to share this with your brother, yes? I don't think he can be too shocked it made it back to your parents in that case.

    I would start looking at alternative sources of funding, yes. If you believe your parents will refuse to contribute now, you are going to need to cut some corners. But the money won't be the biggest hurdle at the end of the day. The real struggle will be with your parents and how you will feel if they tell you not to marry him or threaten to cut you off if you do.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It would have come out sooner or later. Nothing you can do if you are determined to marry him. They are reacting like who they are, religious and all as well as the idea that he may cheat or that the marriage is a sham for someone who may preferentially be with men.
    Originally Posted by SnugglePuggle
    now my Mom knows. She is telling me that "how can you trust him not to go cheat with a guy and hurt you later in the marriage?"

  9. #8
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    I would prepare now for funding. You will still be just as married with a smaller wedding. The biggest hurdle will be attitudes, unfortunately.

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    You could tell your parents he has gone through aversion therapy and now he's cured. Sorry, bad joke -- or is it?

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    I am curious, how did it come out during the bachelor party that he is bisexual? I ask because it seems he was comfortable enough to share this with your brother, yes? I don't think he can be too shocked it made it back to your parents in that case.

    I would start looking at alternative sources of funding, yes. If you believe your parents will refuse to contribute now, you are going to need to cut some corners. But the money won't be the biggest hurdle at the end of the day. The real struggle will be with your parents and how you will feel if they tell you not to marry him or threaten to cut you off if you do.
    Everyone at the party was drunk, and his friend was like "ohhh (fiance,) you have secrets!!" and his coworker was like "yeah, like that BIGGG one, ya know being bisexual and all" and then my fiance, drunkenly, confessed after that. I did just talk with my Dad, and although he wasn't angry, he was extremely concerned about me being with a "homo" and has urged me to consider postponing the wedding to "think" about it and get "counseling." So I told him I would consider, but in my head I was like this is not happening, I'm three weeks away.

    So we head home, I get to my car that was left off at work, and drive off. My Dad then proceeds to call my fiance, saying that I was the one having reservations, and that he will not support the wedding on his wallet because of this "shocker" of a secret. So of course my fiance called me, and I was like heck no I did my best to show my dad I wasn't concerned by his sexuality, I was having no reservations at all and he misunderstood something, and my fiance told me he tried to tell him that he was 100% committed but my Dad won't hear it. So my fiance now is saying that he doesn't think he can convince them to change their minds, and wants me to choose either between 1) eloping, 2) calling the whole thing off, or 3) if I can proceed to do it, try to still do the ceremony without them.

    So now I am just in a miserable state, just shocked and hurt and crying my eyes out.

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