Will this guy i've been casually dating lose interest in me on vacation?

Some background:

I met this guy off bumble;we have been seeing eachother for basically a month. The first date when insanely well and we basically talk every couple days and see each other sometimes twice a week maybe more, i already spend the night at his house often, sometimes itl be during the week and we will both get up and do our morning routines and then walk to work together (we actually work in the same area) ive even spent an entire weekend at his place with him. the quality of the time we spend together is great, i feel we have insane chemistry and feel very comfortable with him despite only knowing him a small amount of time, he has even told me that he told his mom about me. besides that, we are also very much affectionate with each other and are basically always touching in some way (not in sexual manner, although we have already had sex but in a manner that displays to me we wanna be connected; i.e. small handrubs while just watching tv) i feel we get along very well and it all just feels very natural which is great. Recently he just left for a trip to another country to visit his brother so i know hes going to be gone for about 2 weeks and im wondering if when hes gone will he forget about me or contact me at all while hes there? im afraid that he will lose interest in me and would like to continue what we got going on between us when he gets back

It sounds to me like you're rushing the dating experience and really overthinking the early stages of what could be a budding relationship. He clearly likes you, so all you need to do at this point is take a deep breath and relax. If you get all crazy on him because he goes on a trip that he had planned well before you met him, it will be a huge turn-off and maybe even a deal-breaker. Let him lead on how frequent communication occurs when he's gone. If you don't hear from him much or at all on the trip, it would be appropriate to call him and ask about how his trip went once he's back.

I cannot emphasize enough, though, that you need to calm down. The two of you aren't even exclusive yet and the situation does not warrant the anxiety you are experiencing.

If he can forget about you that easily, then he's not worth the effort.

All signs indicate that he's very fond of you. If this is the case, he'll miss you when he's gone.

There isn't much you can do about it but keep busy and let this unfold naturally.

It sounds to me like you're rushing the dating experience and really overthinking the early stages of what could be a budding relationship. He clearly likes you, so all you need to do at this point is take a deep breath and relax. If you get all crazy on him because he goes on a trip that he had planned well before you met him, it will be a huge turn-off and maybe even a deal-breaker. Let him lead on how frequent communication occurs when he's gone. If you don't hear from him much or at all on the trip, it would be appropriate to call him and ask about how his trip went once he's back.

 

I cannot emphasize enough, though, that you need to calm down. The two of you aren't even exclusive yet and the situation does not warrant the anxiety you are experiencing.

I agree. Let him have a good time, and wait for him to reach out to you. You are coming off as needy and insecure, nothing is more unattractive than that. Focus on your own life and having fun with your friends.

Do not make your bfs your entire existence.

Have you been in touch since he left? What was the expectation before he left about communicating?

wondering if when hes gone will he forget about me or contact me at all while hes there?

Thanks for all of the replies! We have not been in touch at all since hes been gone, i figured because he is travelling and in another country to leave the contacting up to him and so far hes hasn't reached out but i'm not concerned. There actually wasnt really a conversation on if we would keep in touch while hes gone before he left. In the mean time i have been busy going out with friends and also have had two dates and am trying to keep my options open. all of this is more of thoughts in my mind about the situation and i havent voiced any of this to him specifically because i dont wanna come off as clingy, i guess im just seeing it as hopeful that he will reach out when he comes back.

How long has he been gone, OP?

He has been about a week and a half

Well, he should. Not for any problem or lack of a healthy level of overall interest, but simply for the fact that, at least as of now, you're a tiny blip in the grand scheme of his life and he's about to go on international trip to visit his flesh and blood. Doesn't mean he won't ever have a thought about you while he's gone, but that I wouldn't expect nor really want to be a priority at this stage and in this position.

I'm sure it'll pick right back up once he returns.

Well, he should. Not for any problem or lack of a healthy level of overall interest, but simply for the fact that, at least as of now, you're a tiny blip in the grand scheme of his life and he's about to go on international trip to visit his flesh and blood. Doesn't mean he won't ever have a thought about you while he's gone, but that I wouldn't expect nor really want to be a priority at this stage and in this position.

 

I'm sure it'll pick right back up once he returns.

Very true! and i totally understand that which doesnt concern me, the only "concern" so to speak is if the momentum we had before he left will fade like an out of sight out of mind

Is it understood that you are not exclusive and will be dating others in these 2 weeks?

In the mean time i have been busy going out with friends and also have had two dates and am trying to keep my options open.

Is it understood that you are not exclusive and will be dating others in these 2 weeks?

There was never a conversation about "what we are" or anything along those lines, just random small talks about stuff we wanna plan to do together and places we wanna check out in the city that we've never been to but all of that has been said in passing

I'm under the impression that since there hasn't been a conversation--so that i dont feel hooked on one person who might kinda fade away-- that i should continue to casually date until there is a decision made that we only specifically want to see each other

Thanks for all of the replies! We have not been in touch at all since hes been gone, i figured because he is travelling and in another country to leave the contacting up to him and so far hes hasn't reached out but i'm not concerned. There actually wasnt really a conversation on if we would keep in touch while hes gone before he left. In the mean time i have been busy going out with friends and also have had two dates and am trying to keep my options open. all of this is more of thoughts in my mind about the situation and i havent voiced any of this to him specifically because i dont wanna come off as clingy, i guess im just seeing it as hopeful that he will reach out when he comes back.

Good for you. This is a great approach.

Just wait until he returns. I/m certain he will contact. If he doesn't then it's no loss to you.

How soon were you having sex.

Good for you. This is a great approach.

 

Just wait until he returns. I/m certain he will contact. If he doesn't then it's no loss to you.

 

 

How soon were you having sex.

Thank you! and we had sex pretty quickly, within the first week of knowing each other but that was after we had seen each other 4 separate times. Things did move pretty quickly and i do kind of wish i had waited just a tad longer but i felt comfortable enough in other areas with him that i don't regret it. I also think too that based off the two first dates that i have gone on while hes been gone, i think that the chemistry isnt there with these other two people compared to the first date chemistry i felt with him despite enjoying my time with them. Im not trying to jump to conclusions here but its only solidified my interest in pursuing things further with him when he comes back.

How long has he been gone? Has he contacted you at all? I am always very wary when the guy I'm seeing doesn't contact me everyday. I don't need 24/7 contact, but what I noticed is when a guy would only contact every couple days, the interest was never there. Things would just fade. These are just my personal thoughts and experiences. The few guys I dated for longer periods of time including my bf, have always been in contact w/me everyday, plus when my bf went on vacation, he contacted me as much as he could (he went on a cruise, so he didn't always have connection). See what happens, if he likes you he will make an effort to show that he likes you. Continue dating other guys while he is gone, until you make it exclusive, there is nothing holding you back and if you happen to meet a man crazy for you, oh well, his loss.

How long has he been gone? Has he contacted you at all? I am always very wary when the guy I'm seeing doesn't contact me everyday. I don't need 24/7 contact, but what I noticed is when a guy would only contact every couple days, the interest was never there. Things would just fade. These are just my personal thoughts and experiences. The few guys I dated for longer periods of time including my bf, have always been in contact w/me everyday, plus when my bf went on vacation, he contacted me as much as he could (he went on a cruise, so he didn't always have connection). See what happens, if he likes you he will make an effort to show that he likes you. Continue dating other guys while he is gone, until you make it exclusive, there is nothing holding you back and if you happen to meet a man crazy for you, oh well, his loss.

Thank you for the response! and he has been gone for about a week and a half now and so far has not contacted me which sucks but im trying to not focus on that aspect of it since hes in another country and is visiting his brother. I know i just want him to enjoy himself and have a good time, im concerned that the lack of communication because he is gone will cause him to lose interest in me enough to not care to want to continue to pursue me when he gets back

Perhaps others would not agree with me, but I don't see the harm in you sending a text and asking how his trip is going. It is possible that he is bothered by the fact that you have not casually contacted him. You've waited a week and a half, so I don't think your actions would be deemed clingy. Don't make it a long conversation and don't make it about your current involvement. When I read the initial post, I didn't realize that he had already left for his trip, and that you were feeling insecure because you hadn't heard from him at all. His response will give you more information about where the two of you stand, though I caution you towards making any big assumptions until he is back in your local area.

I had three relationships break up while traveling. None of them happened because of things "fading" or people forgetting. It was one person getting upset with the other for lack of communication, or trying to communicate via text and misunderstanding each other, or tech problems (not having wifi/cellular or messages not delivered.) It is unfortunate. Best thing to do is relax. Forgetting is not the problem.

I had three relationships break up while traveling. None of them happened because of things "fading" or people forgetting. It was one person getting upset with the other for lack of communication, or trying to communicate via text and misunderstanding each other, or tech problems (not having wifi/cellular or messages not delivered.) It is unfortunate. Best thing to do is relax. Forgetting is not the problem.

Thank you for the response! This is a good perspective. I am in no way upset over us not talking while hes on vacation its more of the "what if" that the no communication brings

Do you think that its a bad sign that we havent talked?

Do you think that its a bad sign that we havent talked?

Your emotions are on hyper drive right now because you didn't do the most basic thing you should do when sex and emotions and desires of relationships are involved and that's communicate!

At the very least say, " hey, I'm not looking to multidate " but I guess there no point in doing that if you are indeed multidating. May I ask why?

My guess would be to guard your heart, but it's setting the precedent that it's ok to do so if he's meeting other women while gone, you can't really be mad.

As another poster says you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube so my ranting is kinda null and void. But in the future it's ok to explain your boundaries and desires. If you don't multidate and you would like to keep exploring your budding relationship, SAY DO!

What has being the 'cool down for whatever chick' gotten you? Anxiety ridden cause you were scared to say anything so now you're trying to fill the void with other men when really you'd like to continue to pursue things with an awesome guy who seems interested in you.

Don't be that girl if you're not that girl.

Again all this is null and void he's already gone all you can do now is well suck it up and wait for his return. Do not bother him when he's enjoying his family, you're only doing it to soothe your anxiety and that's selfish. Just wait till he comes back, I'm going to assume everything will pick back up and when it does for goodness sake communicate. You can exchange bodily fluids but 'hey I'd like to focus on dating only you' is too forward?

We gotta do better...

Sorry I'm ranting.

Very true! and i totally understand that which doesnt concern me, the only "concern" so to speak is if the momentum we had before he left will fade like an out of sight out of mind

If that happens then it was just a fun fling. It's not about the momentum. It is about keeping in regular contact -no, not daily - when you're not on vacation -vacation is unusual. If he was moving away permanently I would agree that the distance might be too much for such a new relationship but if you two are compatible and have fun together you don't need more to pick up again when he is back from vacation. Yes, it might be out of sight out of mind in the sense Jman described but not as a forever thing. If he wants to keep dating you he'll be in touch when he gets back.

For me personally if I was having sleepovers and being intimate I would also feel comfortable saying "have a great time on your vacation and can't wait to hear about it when you're back!" I would not put pressure to stay in touch given the type of trip it is.

Do you think that its a bad sign that we havent talked?

Nah, not necessarily. I was just saying that communication goes two ways. I think it was good to leave the ball in his court, but since you haven't heard from him, it would be fine to touch base and see how he is. I always know people are in a state of panic when they overthink a text. The worst that can happen is that he doesn't respond right away, because he's busy. Then, you let it go until you hear from him.

If I started seeing someone before a trip, a little text that asked how I was would bring a smile to my face. Stop worrying and just show the guy you like him.

Your emotions are on hyper drive right now because you didn't do the most basic thing you should do when sex and emotions and desires of relationships are involved and that's communicate!

 

At the very least say, " hey, I'm not looking to multidate " but I guess there no point in doing that if you are indeed multidating. May I ask why?

 

My guess would be to guard your heart, but it's setting the precedent that it's ok to do so if he's meeting other women while gone, you can't really be mad.

 

As another poster says you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube so my ranting is kinda null and void. But in the future it's ok to explain your boundaries and desires. If you don't multidate and you would like to keep exploring your budding relationship, SAY DO!

 

What has being the 'cool down for whatever chick' gotten you? Anxiety ridden cause you were scared to say anything so now you're trying to fill the void with other men when really you'd like to continue to pursue things with an awesome guy who seems interested in you.

 

Don't be that girl if you're not that girl.

 

Again all this is null and void he's already gone all you can do now is well suck it up and wait for his return. Do not bother him when he's enjoying his family, you're only doing it to soothe your anxiety and that's selfish. Just wait till he comes back, I'm going to assume everything will pick back up and when it does for goodness sake communicate. You can exchange bodily fluids but 'hey I'd like to focus on dating only you' is too forward?

 

We gotta do better...

 

Sorry I'm ranting.

You are so right! i honestly don't really care to date other people but for some reason feel maybe im making that decision too quickly so am still putting myself out there. but i would like to just be straight forward to him if i see him again when he comes back that "hey, i think we get along great and i dont wanna put any pressure on you because id rather you make your own choices instead of anyone forcing the other into anything they arent ready for, but i dont really care to see anyone else because i enjoy spending time with you so much and just want you to know that"

If that happens then it was just a fun fling. It's not about the momentum. It is about keeping in regular contact -no, not daily - when you're not on vacation -vacation is unusual. If he was moving away permanently I would agree that the distance might be too much for such a new relationship but if you two are compatible and have fun together you don't need more to pick up again when he is back from vacation. Yes, it might be out of sight out of mind in the sense Jman described but not as a forever thing. If he wants to keep dating you he'll be in touch when he gets back.

 

For me personally if I was having sleepovers and being intimate I would also feel comfortable saying "have a great time on your vacation and can't wait to hear about it when you're back!" I would not put pressure to stay in touch given the type of trip it is.

Thank you for the response! This is some good insight for sure, and when he left i tried to give the impression that i hope he enjoys himself on vacation and that i would be here when he gets back. We last saw each other on very good terms too so i felt positive without any specific words being exchanged