He dumped me unexpectedly. Is he on the rebound?

My ex and I dated for about 10 months, and have been broken up for about a month. He was a really great partner and I loved him with all my heart. We had a really great chemistry and while I have dated a good amount of people I had never felt that kind of love that I had with him. We had so many niche interests in common and we both had the same career goals. At the beginning of the summer he and I traveled out to LA in preparation of his moving out there as well as doing an art intensive program. I wasn't moving out with him due to us still being kind of new and the fact that I am still working towards my degree and transferring was out of the question. Before we broke up he reassured me he was okay with me moving out there, and that he wanted me there with him. First week into his art program everything is fine, he texts me telling me he misses me and that he can't wait to see me the next time he's in town. A week later he tells me that we needed to break up. Apparently he was feeling pressured, he didn't know what he wanted, there were apparent compatibility issues, and there were things he wasn't happy with and he just cracked under all of it. He did not bring up any of these issues while we were together and couldn't elaborate when I asked him after the break up. He also told me there was a girl he liked in the program but he didn't see himself dating her. I asked him what he liked about this girl and he couldn't even tell me. (He had only know her for two weeks!!) Just that he wanted to see other people. He still wanted me in his life, to be his friend, for me to tell him about my day, to have fun together. Just that he couldn't be with me. Of course I was crushed. After a few days of flip flopping I decided to not be in his life anymore. He asked to see me when he came back to town to have "closure", to see my face, that he didn't want to leave things like this, and I declined that time as well.

Well a few days after the breakup he was already hanging out with this girl. He took her to a beach in Malibu that we went to together while I was in LA. (Granted they were with two other people, but still). After two weeks of NC his friends tell me that he was interested in this girl and that he was possibly going into a relationship with her. It took us around a month and a half to make things official. His friends have told me they are concerned for his mental health out there and that he was moving too fast in this new relationship. They also told me that he wanted to talk to his friends about what happened with me, but did not have the time while he was in town. They also told me that he felt really awful about the breakup and thought that maybe (Definitely) he could have handled all of this much better. After they told me he was possibly dating this girl I lost it on him; multiple texts and calls. I made it clear that I didn't want to get back together with him, I didn't want a second chance, I didn't love him anymore (All lies but I know there is no chance in us reconciling) but that all I wanted was for him to be honest with me. I feel like he (at least) emotionally cheated on me and I told him he needed to face the consequences and, as someone he had claimed to love so much, be honest with me. He did not respond at all, not even a text proclaiming his innocence.

Can he really have moved on this fast? Is he ashamed of this new girl and wants to hide it from me? Is he hiding her so he doesn't hurt me or because he wants me back? Please, help me.

He moved on the moment he hit LA. At the very least he was emotionally cheating on you. The guy is a creep and coward.

He knows that you know. Honestly, what does it matter. He lied to you and strung you along. If he didn't want to hurt you, he would not have cheated and dumped you. None of his actions have shown that he wants you back.

You have to love and respect yourself enough to move on, and never deal with this jerk again. This guy treated you terribly! If someone treated your best friend like thi, what would you advise?

You really need to take off the rose colored glasses and move on. Stop talking to his friends, and block and delete ALL contact info.

She is not a rebound. He dumped you,for her.

Lastly, I am very sorry that this happened.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but his silence indicates that he does not regret his decision to breakup and no longer wants to be with you. He may have had doubts that he kept secret, but stayed with you anyway so he could have emotional support while moving to a new place. Then he met a girl who already lived there that he wanted to pursue, so he left you. He sounds like an insincere guy who is mostly concerned with convenience.

Texting him and being emotional was not a good call, but what's done is done. I feel your pain. My most serious relationship ended with the guy leaving me for a co-worker. It's definitely difficult to know that he is in the honeymoon stage with someone else, while your left hurting and dealing with the aftermath or his selfish actions. Just know that his choices are about him, not you. Try not to compare yourself to the new girl. She is not intrinsically better than you, even if right now he thinks she is a better fit for him.

You made the right call not letting him demote you to friendship status. Based on how he ended the relationship, he is not friend-worthy. Delete and block him on all social media websites and block his number. You need to close the door for good.

Thanks for the replies. As pathetic as it seems even though everything has happened I still want him back. I love him so much. I just can't wrap my head around the fact that he was okay with me moving with him and then suddenly flipped once he was there. I even met his dad for the first time while I was out in LA. I just don't get how someone who seemed so serious about me could just leave me in the dust like that.

You need to love and respect yourself more. He did not even have the decency to tell you, then he strung you along. He is not who you thought he was. You really need to take this guy off the pedestal you put him on. He is a cheat and liar!

I also suggest that you address your self esteem issues. You need to value yourself and expect more from people.

He does not love you.

He was nowhere near as invested in you if he met someone else and decided to end your relationship within a couple weeks of moving. He didn't really even try to give long-distance a chance. He wasn't as serious as he led you to believe, unfortunately.

He can't text you proclaiming his innocence, because, well, he is not innocent of meeting someone else. He knows this, and he knows it makes him look bad. That is why you got no response. He is too cowardly to admit what you already know.

Do not have any further contact with him at all. I'm sorry this happened to you. With time and space, you won't want him back anymore.

Posted this before, but my ex and I were in a (seemingly) very happy relationship. I loved him so much and he said he loved me. He moved out to LA about a month and a half ago that started with an art intensive. When he moved out there I went with him and we had a really great time. I was going to follow him within the next few months while still working on my degree. First week he was there he texted me that he loved me, and missed me, and couldn't wait to see me when he got back. The week after he says we need to break up. He said there were compatibility issues, that he didn't know what he wanted, that he had to focus on his new life, that he couldn't feel deeply for anyone. He said it wasn't anything that I did, that the relationship was the best he ever had, but that he was doing this for the both of us. We didn't really fight that often and when we did it was resolved quickly. He then kept asking me to be friends with him and that he didn't want me out of his life, that he still loved me, that he had fun with me and didn't want to lose me. I flip flopped for a few days and decided I didn't need him in my life. He came back into town after the program was done and asked to see me, saying that he needed "closure" and wanted to see my face. I said no to this as well.

Turns out he has started dating a new girl all within a month. For reference out relationship took a month and a half to become fully official. When we started dating he was eager to see my but apprehensive about moving to the next level and said that it was due to his previous relationships ending badly. For him things would be good for the first few months and then go sour pretty quickly. He's already doing a bunch of the things we had planned to do together once I went back out to LA. I understand the sentiment that he left me for her but is that really true after two weeks? For someone he barely knew when he usually takes things very slow? One of the things he says he doesn't like about himself is that he feels like he never truly connects to people.

I know it sucks, but the advice and insight you get will not be different than the first time you posted the thread. You want to hear he still loves you and couldn't possibly want this new girl, but I can't in good conscience feed your denial. He kept you around, because he was scared he wouldn't meet someone out there, and then he did. Stay no contact, get him off your social media, and work on accepting your new reality.

Before I even finished your first paragraph, I was going to guess he met another girl. Grieve for a while and then move on. He has.

OP, what type of feedback are you hoping to hear that you didn't get in your previous thread?

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=552309

Threads have been merged.