Guys Only Liking Me For Sex??? Why Does This Always Happen To Me???

Hi, my name is Amy. I'm new to this site and I've already made a post before, so this is my second one. Anyways, the title and question to this post is what I've been asking myself for the past 2 years. There was a guy that I used to like during back in January in school. It turned out that he like me apparently because he told me after asking for my number. We were aquantaintaces before this happened. Anyways, me thinking that maybe he would like to take the relationship further, I remember him saying that he wasn't looking for anything serious. I know I should've left him alone from there because that was already a red flag but at the time, I was just flattered that a guy actually found me attractive for once. However, the attraction was solely based on sex/physical pleasure because he would always make comments about my body, lips, and even the way I would walk. He never complimented or seemed to like anything ranting from my personal hobbies, interests, academic ambitions, or just my character in general. He was only interested in f*cking, or smashing me. At the time, I was even stupid enough to kiss him because of the mutual attraction but now I feel worthless and disgusting. I showed myself to someone who I thought really cared about me as a person because I grew real feelinga for this guy and became very attached. I would literally daydream about him while listening to calm, relaxing music. The other unfortunately thing about this problem is that its happened 3 times before I even met him. About two guys that I "thought" liked me 2 years ago, they ended up only wanting sex. Never a relationship, or even something substantial. I never presented myself as "easy" or "trashy" with the way I dressed or looked. I would engage in vulgar jokes and stuff but not for anything to feeling used like a sex object. Before, these guys approached me, I was mainly consumed with school, work, and my closest friends and wasn't worried about dating at the time. Just confident and care-free. Currently, I'm on a waiting list for a new therapist so hopefully I can get some help with my self-loathing and body image because these past few years have made me feel like pure trash😭😭😭

How old are you? Most young guys in their teens and 20s are all about getting laid and will generally see how far they can get with a girl before she says yes or no. Of course not all guys are like that but the horny level of young men is pretty much off the charts.

This also comes down to you working on you and not being so eager to hop in bed with anyone. Something to explore with your therapist.

What any guy wants is about him and not you. I know it's disappointing to be propositioned for sex when you want something more, but it can't always be helped. If you don't want to be treated like a disposable sex-object, assert your boundaries firmly when guys ask you for no-strings-attached sex. You will eventually meet someone who values you for characteristics outside the physical realm.

Well I can basically 99.9999% guarantee you that none of this is actually about you personally. I'm 33 now so I've had the same thing hundreds of times, ever since I was in my late teens I'd say. I think not all guys would only want sex from you but the thing about many guys and especially very young guys is that they're very horny and want sex. They find you attractive so want to have sex with you but liking your looks doesn't equal getting feelings for you or developing a strong connection with you. Like you may not have much in common with some guys or have a particular "click" but if they're single and horny they would still want sex. Not only from you but from any woman. If you want a boyfriend my advice would be to waste no time on guys that are clearly into you for looks only and focus on guys you actually have a good friendship and rapport with. I think a real relationship is more likely to come out of initial friendship than just you crushing on guys and them only lusting after your body. Try to develop something real first and even keep your own crushes in check. You may be crushing on some of these guys for their looks too or just the "idea of them".

Well I can basically 99.9999% guarantee you that none of this is actually about you personally. I'm 33 now so I've had the same thing hundreds of times, ever since I was in my late teens I'd say. I think not all guys would only want sex from you but the thing about many guys and especially very young guys is that they're very horny and want sex. They find you attractive so want to have sex with you but liking your looks doesn't equal getting feelings for you or developing a strong connection with you. Like you may not have much in common with some guys or have a particular "click" but if they're single and horny they would still want sex. Not only from you but from any woman. If you want a boyfriend my advice would be to waste no time on guys that are clearly into you for looks only and focus on guys you actually have a good friendship and rapport with. I think a real relationship is more likely to come out of initial friendship than just you crushing on guys and them only lusting after your body. Try to develop something real first and even keep your own crushes in check. You may be crushing on some of these guys for their looks too or just the "idea of them".

That particular guy was just single and horny like you said. Perfect way to describe him. When we first met, we would go out to eat lunch together and have little walks at the park after our classes. I genuinely thought it was all platonic at the time. Although I initially found him cute, I never told him nor did I act on it because I was just excited that I vibed with someone so quickly. Everything in the first 2 months of us hanging out just seemed like a friendly relationship with no attraction involved.

I'm not thrilled with how younger guys are being described here. Many young men choose not to act on their horniness or wanting to have sex because they want a real relationship more. I met and interacted with plenty of men who only wanted sex and knew of many women who were focused on acting on their horniness and desire to have multiple partners. If a person in his/her 20s is looking for a serious relationship and is attracted to you and sees potential, he (in your case) will prioritize getting to know you as a person just like someone who is on a diet prioritizes losing weight over giving into the desire to have a hot fudge sundae for lunch.

I think that your experiences are typical and have to do with those individuals. As an aside i'd stop making vulgar jokes with men you don't know well and if you'd like them to view you with potential for a serious relationship. Too risky IMO.

Maybe consider finding our what they're looking for before having sex with them?

It makes no sense to have sex first, then ask questions later. If you are relationship material, hold out for a guy who is also relationship material and is clear about this with you before sex enters the picture.

If you're only involving yourself with guys who expect to sleep with you right away, then you're looking in the wrong dating pool. Use dating apps to screen for guys who are looking for a relationship, then meet quickly for a 15 minute cup of coffee to learn whether you have chemistry. Rules are that neither can corner the other for a real date on the spot, but either can invite the other afterward. If the answer is yea, the other responds, and if not, then no response is necessary.

Don't date or sleep with anyone unless and until it's what YOU want to do, and skip guys who want 'nothing serious'.

Head high, and respect yourself.

After dating 4 months and being affectionate it's normal to want sex. Also he asked respectfully. It's ok to say no if you are not ready or you feel you haven't had the exclusivity talk.

I'm 19 years old. He would always ask to kiss and cuddle with me and since I felt physically/sexually attracted to him, I started to do that with him. It lasted for about 3-4 months. then he started asking to have sex with me.

Address where your body issues are stemming from. Then maybe you'll find yourself attracting different guys than the ones you are attracting now. Are you flirty or sending off sexual vibes? I'm told I do this and sometimes I'm not even aware I'm doing it. I've been told many times I'm magnetic and sensual, and those guys didn't know me. Players? Idk. You know it turned me off though because I saw "player" written on their foreheads lol. But in hindsight, it is me doing it(sometimes! Because friends tell me I do it). Males and females in general send off signals in body language and sometimes it's read to be deeper than it is. Physical attraction stirs up the feels. Me personally, if I can't imagine myself having sex with them, I'm not interested. Take your time when you're attracted, or someone's attracted to you, to have conversation and find out their relationship history , and what it is they are looking for. In general, when you ask, if they can look you in the eye, they are telling the truth. Shifty eyes, beware.

Dont lead with sex, be aware of your actions. You can peak and keep interest with light flirty banter and kissing. If they go away easily, let them go. A guy worth waiting for will wait for you to be ready. There's lots of one nighters and quick sex acts happening on first and second dates because it's so incredibly easy to find sex hook ups on dating sites, even at a bar. I've been approached often for it. Know your boundaries and walk away from those who don't share your own sexual morals. Your body is yours, and not to be shared with anyone unless you feel it's the right time.

Could the possible reason be like awkwardness and shyness? Usually, whenever I talk to a guy in the beginning, I'm always blushing( I have a natural redness to my face) and I'm described to be very shy. I know for a fact that I never come off as sexual or flirtatious because I look very young for my age and I wear baggy hoodies and skinny jeans. Also, I have a very quirky, goofy, yet calm personality. When we first started talking, I automically assumed he would never find me attractive because of my own looks.

What any guy wants is about him and not you. I know it's disappointing to be propositioned for sex when you want something more, but it can't always be helped. If you don't want to be treated like a disposable sex-object, assert your boundaries firmly when guys ask you for no-strings-attached sex. You will eventually meet someone who values you for characteristics outside the physical realm.

At this point,I think I'm just going to avoid the opposite sex now because this is the 3rd time its happened, and I never initiated it because I would talk to them like how I did with other people.

At this point,I think I'm just going to avoid the opposite sex now because this is the 3rd time its happened, and I never initiated it because I would talk to them like how I did with other people.

Only the third and you're throwing in the towel? How about simply broadening where you meet people -do you get set up by likeminded friends? Are you in a book club? Do you do volunteer work? Where do you go to meet people -men and women? Who have you told among your friends and family that you would like to be set up with a person with compatible values?

Only the third and you're throwing in the towel? How about simply broadening where you meet people -do you get set up by likeminded friends? Are you in a book club? Do you do volunteer work? Where do you go to meet people -men and women? Who have you told among your friends and family that you would like to be set up with a person with compatible values?

I'm currently doing volunteering work but most of the people I'm with already have a significant other and I'm mostly friends with everyone. Were not attracted to each other sexually or romantically. My dad is the last person I've talked to about dating and he said I shouldn't be concerned with boys at all right now. He thinks they'll add stress and nonsense to my life. He's not wrong with his approach but I'm just going to forget about guys for now.

It sounds like he's read through a lot of the threads here, lol

he said I shouldn't be concerned with boys at all right now. He thinks they'll add stress and nonsense to my life.

It sounds like he's read through a lot of the threads here, lol

No, he doesn't know I'm on here hahahaha, he only said that because of the last guy

Hi, my name is Amy. I'm new to this site and I've already made a post before, so this is my second one. Anyways, the title and question to this post is what I've been asking myself for the past 2 years. There was a guy that I used to like during back in January in school. It turned out that he like me apparently because he told me after asking for my number. We were aquantaintaces before this happened. Anyways, me thinking that maybe he would like to take the relationship further, I remember him saying that he wasn't looking for anything serious. I know I should've left him alone from there because that was already a red flag but at the time, I was just flattered that a guy actually found me attractive for once. However, the attraction was solely based on sex/physical pleasure because he would always make comments about my body, lips, and even the way I would walk. He never complimented or seemed to like anything ranting from my personal hobbies, interests, academic ambitions, or just my character in general. He was only interested in f*cking, or smashing me. At the time, I was even stupid enough to kiss him because of the mutual attraction but now I feel worthless and disgusting. I showed myself to someone who I thought really cared about me as a person because I grew real feelinga for this guy and became very attached. I would literally daydream about him while listening to calm, relaxing music. The other unfortunately thing about this problem is that its happened 3 times before I even met him. About two guys that I "thought" liked me 2 years ago, they ended up only wanting sex. Never a relationship, or even something substantial. I never presented myself as "easy" or "trashy" with the way I dressed or looked. I would engage in vulgar jokes and stuff but not for anything to feeling used like a sex object. Before, these guys approached me, I was mainly consumed with school, work, and my closest friends and wasn't worried about dating at the time. Just confident and care-free. Currently, I'm on a waiting list for a new therapist so hopefully I can get some help with my self-loathing and body image because these past few years have made me feel like pure trash😭😭😭

Guys like that are everywhere. It has nothing to do with you EXCEPT for the fact that you don't shut them down when they come calling.

Here are some easy identifiers:

1. When a guy says he doesn't want anything serious, he is telling you that he is looking for sex, not a relationship.

2. When a guy is fixated on your body, lips, walk, or every other part of you besides your heart and your mind, he is looking for sex, not a relationship.

3. When a guy is only interested in f*cking or smashing you, and completely disinterested in your personal hobbies, interests, academic ambitions, and your character in general, he is there for the sex and is not looking for a relationship.

Why in the world did you let yourself believe that a guy who exhibited all of this behavior, who you knew had absolutely NO interest in your thoughts, feelings, interests, or aspirations, cared about you as a Person.

Being treated this way has nothing to do with the way you look or dress. It has to do with the choices you are making. You are deliberately ignoring your own better judgment.

You have to filter those guys out because they'll f*ck you if you let them. And they won't give you a relationship in return.

Could the possible reason be like awkwardness and shyness? Usually, whenever I talk to a guy in the beginning, I'm always blushing( I have a natural redness to my face) and I'm described to be very shy. I know for a fact that I never come off as sexual or flirtatious because I look very young for my age and I wear baggy hoodies and skinny jeans. Also, I have a very quirky, goofy, yet calm personality. When we first started talking, I automically assumed he would never find me attractive because of my own looks.

It's sad to say, but I'm sure there are plenty of guys out there who would view you as an "easy target", because someone who is shy / awkward are generally less assertive about their needs, in your case a relationship as opposed to just sex. I knew one lad who would always go after girls like you.

You say you don't come off as sexual or flirtatious, and then go on to mention your appearance and a few character traits. What about your actual behavior? Not looking for actual answers, but it's worth questioning yourself if there's anything to do with your interactions with men that could across as someone just wanting a good time. It may also be worth digging deeper to see what attracts you to these type of men in the first place, as that's also another issue.

I'm also curious, are you meeting any of these guys on dating apps? If so, how are you presenting yourself on them? I ask because a lot of girls seem oblivious to how they come across on sites like Tinder; I've seen profiles which have consisted of nothing but women in their lingerie, closeups of their chest etc...and then claim they want a long-term relationship. Nothing wrong with the product, just poor advertising.

It's sad to say, but I'm sure there are plenty of guys out there who would view you as an "easy target", because someone who is shy / awkward are generally less assertive about their needs, in your case a relationship as opposed to just sex. I knew one lad who would always go after girls like you.

 

You say you don't come off as sexual or flirtatious, and then go on to mention your appearance and a few character traits. What about your actual behavior? Not looking for actual answers, but it's worth questioning yourself if there's anything to do with your interactions with men that could across as someone just wanting a good time. It may also be worth digging deeper to see what attracts you to these type of men in the first place, as that's also another issue.

 

I'm also curious, are you meeting any of these guys on dating apps? If so, how are you presenting yourself on them? I ask because a lot of girls seem oblivious to how they come across on sites like Tinder; I've seen profiles which have consisted of nothing but women in their lingerie, closeups of their chest etc...and then claim they want a long-term relationship. Nothing wrong with the product, just poor advertising.

I met the current guy at school during the end of fall semester but the first 2 guys were from online. The very first guy told me that he was attracted to the sound of my voice before he saw me physically because we communicated through the phone first. I guess I can say he had terrible taste in girls because I don't think I'm attractive at all. The last guy from school was an acquaintance of mine before the flirting started. I will admit that I flirted with him but that was only because he would compliment my looks, and I felt the same way. I was fully dressed from the day we met to the day he started asking to hook up.

Update: I'm stupid afff. Sorry for my language but I remember telling him that I was a virgin because we started talking about very intimate stuff together. That must've been why he wanted to hook up. I regret telling him that now.

I would avoid talking about sexual topics before you know him better. Flirting is a wonderful thing to do and fun and a great skill. And it need not have anything to do with sexual talk.

That's ok. Now you know never to discuss your sexual history with guys. If and when you meet the right guy and are in the type of exclusive relationship you want and are ready for sex that may be the time to mention it, but you don't have to.

I remember telling him that I was a virgin because we started talking about very intimate stuff together. That must've been why he wanted to hook up. I regret telling him that now.

I guess I can say he had terrible taste in girls because I don't think I'm attractive at all.

Well, there is a problem. If you have low self-esteem, you are going to respond well to guys who try to butter you up. A little bit of talk about finding you attractive is OK, but if the guy focuses on that it is a clue that he is all about the physical and not really looking for a deeper connection. But because you don't think you are attractive, you are going to feel good when you hear those kinds of compliments.

I met the current guy at school during the end of fall semester but the first 2 guys were from online. The very first guy told me that he was attracted to the sound of my voice before he saw me physically because we communicated through the phone first. I guess I can say he had terrible taste in girls because I don't think I'm attractive at all. The last guy from school was an acquaintance of mine before the flirting started. I will admit that I flirted with him but that was only because he would compliment my looks, and I felt the same way. I was fully dressed from the day we met to the day he started asking to hook up.

 

Update: I'm stupid afff. Sorry for my language but I remember telling him that I was a virgin because we started talking about very intimate stuff together. That must've been why he wanted to hook up. I regret telling him that now.

Okay, so a few things.

- Reevaluate how you come across online. If your pictures or bio comes across in any way flirty or sexual, then that's the vibe you're giving off to potential partners, and they will read that as you wanting a more casual relationship (IE. Sex).

- Flirting is fine, but dial back a bit in the early days. Young lads have a tendency to go hot and heavy from the starting line, without truly taking the time to get to know a girl first. It sounds like, in the past, the sole basis in which both of you have got to know each other is gradually flirting / being sexual.

- Work on your self esteem. We all question our appearance, but it's best not to start getting to know someone with a mindset of "I don't think I'm attractive at all". They've taken an interest in you, so accept that fact and ignore self-doubt.

- Information like you being a virgin is definitely something to leave out for a later time, perhaps even just before actually engaging in the act.

Finally, as someone else rightfully said, young lads want sex and will try to find opportunities to get it whenever they can. You have a lot of control here and it's time to exercise that and make it very clear, early on, that you want something more long-lasting. :)

Okay, so a few things.

 

- Reevaluate how you come across online. If your pictures or bio comes across in any way flirty or sexual, then that's the vibe you're giving off to potential partners, and they will read that as you wanting a more casual relationship (IE. Sex).

- Flirting is fine, but dial back a bit in the early days. Young lads have a tendency to go hot and heavy from the starting line, without truly taking the time to get to know a girl first. It sounds like, in the past, the sole basis in which both of you have got to know each other is gradually flirting / being sexual.

- Work on your self esteem. We all question our appearance, but it's best not to start getting to know someone with a mindset of "I don't think I'm attractive at all". They've taken an interest in you, so accept that fact and ignore self-doubt.

- Information like you being a virgin is definitely something to leave out for a later time, perhaps even just before actually engaging in the act.

 

Finally, as someone else rightfully said, young lads want sex and will try to find opportunities to get it whenever they can. You have a lot of control here and it's time to exercise that and make it very clear, early on, that you want something more long-lasting. :)

These are a lot of good suggestions, thank you.

But honestly, I'm gonna try to forget about the guy and just in general. Someone also suggested that i don't but the last guy just caused so much emotional stress and pain for me. He's the first guy I've truly had strong feelings for ( or I thought I did). I'm sure he's already found some other girl to date or have sex with. Do you believe that the right person(guy friend or future significant other)can come along when you least expect it?

Because you let it happen. You show these kinds of guys interest and you don't stop your interest after they show their intentions.

It is not their fault - it sounds like they tell you their intentions.

Because you let it happen. You show these kinds of guys interest and you don't stop your interest after they show their intentions.

 

It is not their fault - it sounds like they tell you their intentions.

The guy showed interest first though.

The guy showed interest first though.

You need to increase your standards to a higher level. If a guy isn't committed to you, he isn't sleeping with you. And after a while you'll find your guy.

Sorry if that stings - I say it with the intention of helping you.