Thinking about an ex

I came out of a long term relationship last October. We were living together. I was devastated when it ended. In January time I got back on the dating scene, met a man and we started dating. It was great until we discussed our futures and realised that he wanted the same thing as my ex did, to move away from where we currently lived to a big city, something I have never wanted to do, I’ve settled where I am on purpose. Bought a house, close to family etc. We called it off, but then yo-yoed back and forth for a few months in a state of not dating, but hanging out, going out together, talking about our futures. I got to a point where I just said I couldn’t do it anymore. Either he wanted to be with me and we work out or we leave it. He told me his plans hadn’t changed and we left it there.

Since then ANYTHING I post on social media gets liked by him, any tweet gets a reply, but he never actually asks how I am or shows interest. It’s like he taps me on the shoulder, says ‘I’m still here’ and runs away.

I feel like I’m wanting to forget him but at the same time, keep my options open with him. I know that’s the wrong way to think. But he’s just got a new job locally and when we were ‘dating’ he said he’d stay if he was happy in a job here.

Well, I think the next time you're hanging out together you can casually ask him about his plans now since he got a new job. Ask him how long does he intend to stay in your town now? Does he still intend on moving to the big city? He might have changed his mind because of you and the job.

Well, I think the next time you're hanging out together you can casually ask him about his plans now since he got a new job. Ask him how long does he intend to stay in your town now? Does he still intend on moving to the big city? He might have changed his mind because of you and the job.

This. I would have advised you to just block and get on with it, but then I saw he's now got a job in your area.

Instead of the social media back-and-forth, have a conversation.

This is a situation where one person has to compromise while the other person (you) gets what she wants. So he needs to decide, by himself, to make this sacrifice. And people do that, it's ok. I think you've both said what needs to be said. There is no misunderstanding. I feel you should not ask again because if he feels pushed/pulled, he may later resent you. When he has made the decision to give up his aspirations of moving, in order to be with you, he will announce the good news, expecting to make you happy. He knows there is only one issue standing in the way.