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Thread: First Meet: Awkward and don't know what to do...

  1. #1
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    First Meet: Awkward and don't know what to do...

    Hi All,

    So, a few weeks ago I began chatting with this guy (we matched on a dating site). He's older than me, divorced, and has two little kids (4 and 2). This is the first time I have met someone with kids, as I normally plan on only meeting men who have never been married and do not have children. I've never been married and don't have any children.

    The first night we exchanged messages, I felt an intense spark, and so did he.

    We had been trying to schedule a meet-up for a while, but our schedules didn't mesh. Between my schedule, and the fact that he lives outside of the city and has his kids every other week made it difficult for a meet up.

    In the meantime, we had been practically messaging every day and making each other laugh.

    However, we were finally able to schedule a meet-up last night. I was so nervous! I hadn't had butterflies like this for a while and I was extremely excited, yet nervous to meet him.

    I walked in and there he was, cuter than ever, but seemed a bit overly-confident (however, maybe it was just nerves).

    We made our way to the back of the restaurant, sat down and started chatting. Almost immediately he tried to hid a couple of yawns, which really turned me off. He also wasn't the best listener, as he'd look off to the side and not really seem attentive.

    I immediately then found myself losing interest and disengaged from the conversation. He definitely picked up on it. What confused me is there were moments where he was then listening intently, smiling and cracking jokes. This back and forth was happening throughout the night, which to me was a total mind****.

    I mean, I was civil with him and engaged in convo, but I know he could tell something was up. I didn't know what to say. I was really interested in this guy and couldn't think rationally.

    I guess I was miffed, although I didn't want to be. My emotions were all over the place.

    Normally I'm calm, cool and collected, but not this time. I was a nervous wreck!

    Anyway, at this point during the meet, I feel that he's now pulling away or disengaging and he lets me know what time he's having to hop on the train downtown to head home.

    In a way, I'm relieved at this point, because it's still early and I can head out with friends, but disappointed that our meet-up didn't go as planned. I was feeling hurt and mad at myself for having invested emotionally in this person.

    I have no idea why, but I'm tempted to contact him again and see what his thoughts were regarding the date/meet-up. I guess I feel kinda comfortable doing this because we've been pretty candid with each other since we began communicating.

    Good idea, bad idea?

    Should I wait it out and see if he contacts me?

    I'm also wishing that that I brought certain things to his attention last night (just my general thoughts on the date), but like i said, I just wasn't thinking straight, and I'm not thinking straight right now either. I can't stop thinking about him.

    I'm hoping this feeling will pass and I don't want to do or say anything that I will regret.

    I kinda want to see him again, because there's a part of me that's hoping it will be better the second time around (although, maybe I'm fooling myself). But I'm guessing he might not want to see me.

    As we left the restaurant, we hugged, said nice to meet you, and he said "have a great weekend" and smiled. That's it.

    Sorry for the rambling, but I can't stop thinking about him! Ugh...

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    If I was you I'd let it go. You dont seem into each other. Anyone can say and act any way they want when texting, but face to face is another story. It just didnt work out as hoped and his inattention is rather telling. I would not contact him, however if he should contact you and you are feeling like you want to see him again, you should discuss the first meeting first, and see what transpires from there. You cant always meet with success each time you connect with someone on a dating site!

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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    If I was you I'd let it go. You dont seem into each other. Anyone can say and act any way they want when texting, but face to face is another story. It just didnt work out as hoped and his inattention is rather telling. I would not contact him, however if he should contact you and you are feeling like you want to see him again, you should discuss the first meeting first, and see what transpires from there. You cant always meet with success each time you connect with someone on a dating site!
    Thank you, melancholy. I guess Iím just surprised that the chemistry didnít transfer from online to in person, mainly because any time Iíve sensed this type of connection online, I feel it in person once I meet them. This is a first.

    I guess Iím mad at myself that I let his behaviour get to me so easily. I wish I brushed it off and stayed more positive.

    I was crushing on him going in, and therefore my reaction was more emotional than I wanted it to be.

    I wish I could stay more emotionally detached from guys like this until I get to know them better.

  4. #4
    Girl I am so sorry but he is just not that into you.
    Men have an instinct to pursue and have a chase.
    If he was interested he wouldnít have cared about a train or any mode of transportation.
    You deserve a man that will talk 1000 miles home because time with you is worth every step.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Originally Posted by milly007
    Thank you, melancholy. I guess Iím just surprised that the chemistry didnít transfer from online to in person, mainly because any time Iíve sensed this type of connection online, I feel it in person once I meet them. This is a first.

    I guess Iím mad at myself that I let his behaviour get to me so easily. I wish I brushed it off and stayed more positive.

    I was crushing on him going in, and therefore my reaction was more emotional than I wanted it to be.

    I wish I could stay more emotionally detached from guys like this until I get to know them better.
    It sounds like you set yourself up for expectations that were more fantastical than reality.
    Confidence can be misconstrued on text when in reality itís cockiness. Not sexy.
    Some people are also weird when they have been portraying themselves as a different persona online than in person.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    this happens with on line dating all the time. that's why it's best to try to meet sooner rather than later. all the messaging and even phone calls can't really tell you how you'll react to each other in person.

    any time i chatted too much either in messages or the phone, it was a big disappointment when we finally met. I attribute this to the brain filling in the little gaps, connecting dots, making the person what we want them to be, not what they truly are.

    if you felt disappointed by his actions in person, believe that. not your desire for the person you thought he might be.

    onward and upward! there's plenty of other guys in the world. learn when to fish and when to cut bait.

  8. #7
    Absolutely. Donít give this ďnumberĒ another moment of your energy.

    Do you do anything fun-
    Sports group hobbies?

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Brandazzl3
    Girl I am so sorry but he is just not that into you.
    Men have an instinct to pursue and have a chase.
    If he was interested he wouldnít have cared about a train or any mode of transportation.
    You deserve a man that will talk 1000 miles home because time with you is worth every step.
    Thank you, Brandazzl3. In all fairness, he told me about the train because I essentially stopped making any effort with respect to the conversation. Canít say I blame him. A guy can only talk so much. He was asking most of the questions and I felt like I was done at that point.

  10. #9
    If a man doesnít make you feel comfortable...ask yourself...is it worth your time.
    Are you making excuses for him?

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Brandazzl3
    It sounds like you set yourself up for expectations that were more fantastical than reality.
    Confidence can be misconstrued on text when in reality itís cockiness. Not sexy.
    Some people are also weird when they have been portraying themselves as a different persona online than in person.
    Well, I found our conversations via text were deeper and had more substance. He was so much sweeter and seemingly put together via text, and so much more personable, kind and flirtatious.

    It was like I was dealing with two different people, the one via text, and the other in person.

    I guess I fell into the trap of filling in the gaps of who I thought he was/who I wanted him to be based on our text exchange. I never thought it would happen to me, but it did. Lesson learned.

    Iím going to miss my text convos with him though.

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