Update on ex and went on a date

So Alot of ppl know my story already on here , if u dont please read the back story .

My ex did contact me again and ask to see me but I didn't answer yes because why should I jump at the chance to see him when he didn't want to give me answer chance and forgive me but a month later moved on with a new girl but now he is broke up with her .Anyways we do text back and forth sometimes and I do honestly still care for him.

I went on a date with a new guy yesterday and I had fun. He is a nice guy and all but I didn't feel like I belonged with him. I almost felt like I was cheating which is weird because I am not with my ex and we been broken up 7 months now. I dont know I thought maybe going on a date would help me snap out of this . I dont know if other people feel this way .

Maybe I am not ready to date but shouldn't I be after 7 months.? Over all I am doing better since the beginning of the breakup. I am doing all the things in life I am supposed to be doing . But I still do miss my ex . I wondering if this feeling is ever going to go away . Sometimes I wonder will I ever feel something for another guy other than thinking he is cute ?

I dont think I should go another date with this guy if i was still thinking about my ex. Which my friends would say is stupid because he is type of guy girls would want to be with. But I can't help the way I feel and I was hoping I would feel something but I dont want use this guy as a rebound.

I don't know u girls/guys I hope I snap out of missing my ex soon and feeling sad over our relationship being over .

OH boy. You are really in a mess. Here's the thing---you meet up and find out his intent, or you cut the friendzone until you can move on. You're going to be pushed and pulled indefinitely until you know for certain.

 

If it were me, I'd meet up. If he's clear he wants you as a friend, cut him until you can handle it.

If he wants more, and you do too, you have to put the past in the past. There can't be any rehashing of anything.

Reuniting with an ex is a fresh start. The old relationship is dead and gone. The most important thing though, is trust.

Do you trust him? If your answer is no, then let this go.

 

Once you are attracted to someone else, the ex occupies less space in your head and heart.

But you can't get to that point if you have uncertainty regarding him.

 

Find out his intent. We all have exe's who move on after us. It's expected. You can't harbor that resentment.

 

Good luck! I'm hoping whatever it is you truly want, happens for you. Just be certain he's changed and his intent is sincere, if reconciliation is on the line, because he did tell you he was wanting friendship, right? That may be all he still wants.

Hey Sweetgirl

How are u ? I missed talking to u on here , and thanks for replying you have always given me great advice.

Yes my emotions are everywhere . He did say friendship but I dont believe him as he was flirting with me and I called him on it and asked if he flirts with all his friends and he says no. He is calling me cutie pie and blah and those are not names he calls his friends .

As far his intention I dont know if he knows . Maybe he wants to see if we still have something? If I ask him he wont probably give a straight answer he is the type of guy to not expose his feelings and wait to find out what ur thinking etc.

Also I guess I am a little worried about the ex. I was with him 4 years and he moved to her in a month and they moved quickly and burned out quickly too . Whose the rebound here ? I mean not that we are getting back together. He said they argued too much and doesn't see a future with her so that is why he broke with her . They were together 5 months .

Another thing I am scared of Sweetgirl

Is meeting up with him and having all these strong feelings come back and I dont want to get hurt again . I also didn't want jump to meet up with him right after the breakup with girl....I thought I should give it a month or 2 before meeting so he can be more clear headed . What do u think ?

Why are you still in contact with your ex? How will you move on?

You do not sound ready to date. it is also not fair to the guys yo are dating.

It will go away when you break contact. But, you know this.

Also u said I should put the past in the past if we meet up and look at as a new beginning? I guess that is struggle for me . I guess I am one of those girls that thinks it should be the way it used to be but I know your right.

First, for the love of all that is holy stop using people and dating as a coping mechanism, it is one of the most selfish things you can do!

You're a month? 2 months? Out of a 3 1/2 year relationship and he's still contacting you, you aren't on the healing train, hell you aren't even on the platform.

Sometimes when we're young we have to learn the hard way, you were told to block him, you were told to cut contact and work on yourself you're rebounding and still contacting the ex, your prerogative and life but again you haven't even began to heal from this yet, leave innocent people out of it and stop dating please!

Why didn't you trust your ex? Does he want to reunite? Have you dealt with your issues?

Why are you still in contact with your ex? How will you move on?

 

You do not sound ready to date. it is also not fair to the guys yo are dating.

 

It will go away when you break contact. But, you know this.

You mean missing him will go away with no contact ? Actually I went 4 months with no contact when he was with the girl and it didn't help me to miss him any less .

Do u that is true for everybody . Like I said my previous ex before this ex cheated so I never contacted him but he did contact me and I didn't block him etc but I got over him in 4 months or so . But with this ex it is different and difficult without no contact or

with contact .

You mean missing him will go away with no contact ? Actually I went 4 months with no contact when he was with the girl and it didn't help me to miss him any less .

 

Do u that is true for everybody . Like I said my previous ex before this ex cheated so I never contacted him but he did contact me and I didn't block him etc but I got over him in 4 months or so . But with this ex it is different and difficult without no contact or

with contact .

You have to go longer than that.

Have you sought counseling. Is he willing to forgive you for the false allegations?

That;s not fair to bring that onto him. That's your issue, and something you have to deal with.

First, for the love of all that is holy stop using people and dating as a coping mechanism, it is one of the most selfish things you can do!

 

You're a month? 2 months? Out of a 3 1/2 year relationship and he's still contacting you, you aren't on the healing train, hell you aren't even on the platform.

 

Sometimes when we're young we have to learn the hard way, you were told to block him, you were told to cut contact and work on yourself you're rebounding and still contacting the ex, your prerogative and life but again you haven't even began to heal from this yet, leave innocent people out of it and stop dating please!

I am not 2 months out of the relationship. It has been 7 months now and after learning about the new girl . I only contacted him once and I asked if he was happy and wished him well. He contacted me this time out of the blue saying he broke up with her . I didn't block him because he was not abusive or threatening me so why would i block a ex that isn't.

Also I was in no contact for months when he texted me and called me .

I was not trying use this guy as a coping mechanism. I would never hurt anyone that way . I found him attractive , he asked me out so I said yes . ...it was only one date . I thought maybe I would feel something since I was attracted to him . I dont so I am going to be honest with him and not date him anymore . I definitely dont use ppl as rebounds. That was not even my intention .

You will not have any successful relationships, until you deal with your trust issues.

You have to go longer than that.

 

Have you sought counseling. Is he willing to forgive you for the false allegations?

 

That;s not fair to bring that onto him. That's your issue, and something to have to deal with.

Yes he has forgiven me for that and wants to leave the past in the past . I am not trying to blame him for that at all. Actually I blamed myself alot for that and that is why I was more upset because I am blamed myself for accusing him of something he didn't do . Also blamed myself for the breakup. I would not even answered his text if I didn't blame myself for not trusting him to begin with.

But I was mad he didn't forgive me because i forgiven him for stuff like that . But I did apologize about not trusting him.

I am in counseling and do go to my counselor.

I do think relationships are about forgiveness too . He has questioned me about my co worker etc before and I did forgive him . I think forgiveness works both ways though.

So no I dont blame him for my trust issues and I am working thru that with my counselor. Just wish he had been willing to forgive that and not walk away from a almost 4 year relationship.

Forgive what?

You mean missing him will go away with no contact ? Actually I went 4 months with no contact when he was with the girl and it didn't help me to miss him any less .

 

Do u that is true for everybody . Like I said my previous ex before this ex cheated so I never contacted him but he did contact me and I didn't block him etc but I got over him in 4 months or so . But with this ex it is different and difficult without no contact or

with contact .

Wait...

 

 

Yes my emotions are everywhere . He did say friendship but I dont believe him as he was flirting with me and I called him on it and asked if he flirts with all his friends and he says no. He is calling me cutie pie and blah and those are not names he calls his friends .

 

As far his intention I dont know if he knows . Maybe he wants to see if we still have something? If I ask him he wont probably give a straight answer he is the type of guy to not expose his feelings and wait to find out what ur thinking etc.

 

Also I guess I am a little worried about the ex. I was with him 4 years and he moved to her in a month and they moved quickly and burned out quickly too . Whose the rebound here ? I mean not that we are getting back together. He said they argued too much and doesn't see a future with her so that is why he broke with her . They were together 5 months .

 

Another thing I am scared of Sweetgirl

Is meeting up with him and having all these strong feelings come back and I dont want to get hurt again . I also didn't want jump to meet up with him right after the breakup with girl....I thought I should give it a month or 2 before meeting so he can be more clear headed . What do u think ?

So this is a better choice?

I am not 2 months out of the relationship. It has been 7 months now and after learning about the new girl . I only contacted him once and I asked if he was happy and wished him well. He contacted me this time out of the blue saying he broke up with her . I didn't block him because he was not abusive or threatening me so why would i block a ex that isn't.

 

Also I was in no contact for months when he texted me and called me .

 

 

I was not trying use this guy as a coping mechanism. I would never hurt anyone that way . I found him attractive , he asked me out so I said yes . ...it was only one date . I thought maybe I would feel something since I was attracted to him . I dont so I am going to be honest with him and not date him anymore . I definitely dont use ppl as rebounds. That was not even my intention .

So because you are in denial about the fact that your constant contact means that door is literally wide open and in your mind this isn't over, someone else has to waste their time?

It doesn't matter if you were attracted. You KNEW you weren't ready so why agree? Why not be an adult and say, "I'm still in contact with my ex and hoping for reconciliation, I'm sorry"

Forgive what?

Because I realized I wrongly accused him and asked him to forgive him and told him give us another try back than . But he couldn't forgive me at that time and wanted to end things for good. Rather than work it out

So because you are in denial about the fact that your constant contact means that door is literally wide open and in your mind this isn't over, someone else has to waste their time?

 

It doesn't matter if you were attracted. You KNEW you weren't ready so why agree? Why not be an adult and say, "I'm still in contact with my ex and hoping for reconciliation, I'm sorry"

Actually I did tell him about the ex situation and I how I went thru depression etc . I also told him i am attracted to him but I dont think I was over my ex . He said one date is going to hurt and maybe something will come of it.

So like I said I am pretty open with guys when they ask me out ... I dont try to deceive ppl because I do believe what u do comes back to u. I have always been that way ....I act like myself from the beginning.

Because I realized I wrongly accused him and asked him to forgive him and told him give us another try back than . But he couldn't forgive me at that time and wanted to end things for good. Rather than work it out

Hopeful I hate to be a glass half empty girl but this whole situation is suspicious as hell.

After 3 1/2 years you suspect him of cheating break up and he refuses to take you back and then just happens to get a girlfriend a week later?

Isn't that kinda suspicious to you?

Actually I did tell him about the ex situation and I how I went thru depression etc . I also told him i am attracted to him but I dont think I was over my ex . He said one date is going to hurt and maybe something will come of it.

 

 

So like I said I am pretty open with guys when they ask me out ... I dont try to deceive ppl because I do believe what u do comes back to u. I have always been that way ....I act like myself from the beginning.

No, you didn't make any mention of saying any of this to him, far be it for me to call you a liar, its just not at all common for a man or woman to say 'Im not over my ex and am still in contact, yes I will go out for coffee' and the other person agrees, but you're right if you told him and he went anyway that is on him. Whats on you is to not accept anymore dates from anyone until you sort through your current situation.

That is one reason he said wanted to go out with me besides being attracted to me. Because I just blurted everything ...he said alot girls would hide they have depression , the ex drama and he knows i go to counseling .

This is 2018 i dont know why ppl think depression is something to be embarrassed about because I have relatives tell me dont tell ppl u going to counseling they will look down on u. I dont care if they do because I needed it and I am going.

Because I realized I wrongly accused him and asked him to forgive him and told him give us another try back than . But he couldn't forgive me at that time and wanted to end things for good. Rather than work it out

I wouldn't want to continue either. Why should someone have to prove something they didn't do.

I think that you should move on. Deal with your issues, then find a fresh relationship.

Hopeful7: Interesting turn of events for you. I think it's worth giving your ex an audience in your situation and talking to him to see what he even wants. If reconciliation is a maybe, you'll have to find a balance between "it's a brand new relationship" and "addressing what went wrong", because quite honestly, I don't think it's entirely realistic to just forgive and forget everything, especially since it'd be very hard to revitalize the good without revitalizing some of the bad or acknowledging newly-developed issues from the breakup. However, if they only want friendship, then I think it's clear that you are a long ways away from friendship with your ex and you should tell them it hasn't been nearly long enough to be friends and to not contact you for friendship anymore.

figureitout23: I don't know why you're doing what you're doing in this thread (the cynicism, the negative assumptions, etc.) It isn't helping anyone and is just going to stir a pot of negative emotions that doesn't need to exist. Sometimes the glass half-empty or trying to press people is valuable, but sometimes it's just not.

No you didnt make any mention of saying any of this to him, far be it for me to call you a liar, its just not at all common for a man or woman to say 'Im not over my ex and am still n contact, yes I will go out for coffee' and the other person agrees, but youre right if you told him and he went anyway that is on him. Whast on you is to not accept anymore dates from anyone until you sort through your current situation.

I didn't mention this in the story because why should I mention this about a guy I went on one date with ? This thread isn't about him.

He isn't a complete stranger I knew him .

He asked me out several times after knowing and finally I said yes . Also I have blurted all this another guy who asked me out . Maybe I shouldn't in that case the guy said he didn't want to be a rebound. Which I said I didn't want either .

If I talk about every detail of everything my thread would be way too long .

I didn't mention this in the story because why should I mention this about a guy I went on one date with ? This thread isn't about him.

 

He isn't a complete stranger I knew him .

He asked me out several times after knowing and finally I said yes . Also I have blurted all this another guy who asked me out . Maybe I shouldn't in that case the guy said he didn't want to be a rebound. Which I said I didn't want either .

 

If I talk about every detail of everything my thread would be way too long .

It isn't common yeah I get that but not everyone is alike. Maybe pain makes u tell ppl stuff u should keep to yourself I dont know.

That is one reason he said wanted to go out with me besides being attracted to me. Because I just blurted everything ...he said alot girls would hide they have depression , the ex drama and he knows i go to counseling .

 

This is 2018 i dont know why ppl think depression is something to be embarrassed about because I have relatives tell me dont tell ppl u going to counseling they will look down on u. I dont care if they do because I needed it and I am going.

Good for you! Counseling is nothing to be ashamed of. You go to the Dr. when your body isn't well, why wouldn't you when your head isn't well.

Its still surprising you told him your whole situation and he still went ahead. NOT because of what you told him, but because you are not relationship material right now. A healthy and well intentioned person isn't going to hear about all that you're going through and say, "this is a good idea." They're going to step back and respect your healing and not interrupt that.