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Thread: Journey out of the abyss - no contact - looking for community

  1. #21
    Bronze Member Chai's Avatar
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    Hi Batya,

    Yes, it is more scary and more confronting to go out, but I find ultimately more rewarding too. I haven't had such a nice group of close friends for years. It is amazing how repeated face to face contact really builds bonds.

    So good to hear that you are getting out there too. Happy hour and book club sound fun!

    Cheers,
    Chai :-)

  2. #22
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    Yes although this new book club already has drama lol - nothing to do with me! I am very social and always have been since I was a teenager but after becoming a mom I food oscial activities much more tiring and draining especially if my child was involved . Also I avoid going out at night if possible because Iím up so early. So I agree that itís important to pay attention to what feels good and comfortable but also balance it against stretching yourself too. It can be a delicate balance for sure. .

  3. #23
    Bronze Member Chai's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Yes although this new book club already has drama lol - nothing to do with me! I am very social and always have been since I was a teenager but after becoming a mom I food oscial activities much more tiring and draining especially if my child was involved . Also I avoid going out at night if possible because Iím up so early. So I agree that itís important to pay attention to what feels good and comfortable but also balance it against stretching yourself too. It can be a delicate balance for sure. .
    Yes :-) Well said.

    I think it is important to take the opportunity to push out of your comfort zone where possible, but as you say feeling good and comfortable is so important too.

    Have a great week :-)

  4. #24
    Bronze Member Chai's Avatar
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    I feel like I have taken a bit of a step backwards tonight. After feeling like utter crap for most of the day, I got a notification this evening about someone visiting my business Facebook page. Even though I have broken the connection everywhere I can, I really can't delete my business Facebook page, just to go No Contact.

    The attention definitely got under my skin though. I can feel the addiction creeping back in. Open up my heart a crack, and the next thing I know it will be wide open and I will be giving some guy who has nothing to give the best parts of my heart and soul.

    Maybe this will be a test of how I can ride this wave, and stay no contact. Maybe I will maintain my boundaries and he will eventually get bored and let me off his dangling hook.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Bronze Member Chai's Avatar
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    I can feel the cracks forming in my resolve. And now I am wondering if maybe I could just not visit Facebook at all for another 30 days. It is a big call because it is nice to give my friends some of the energy and attention that I had been giving to that idiot. And it is a way of connecting with friends. Also, it is one of the few places that I can still get a little bit of that electronic chocolate stimulation, without Turtle.

    I am not so sure it is a good idea. But maybe I can learn to ignore those rare and random hits.

    It doesn't feel good.

  7. #26
    Bronze Member Chai's Avatar
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    The cracks didn't open up into chasms of addiction. I didn't break NC. I do still feel the effects of the withdrawal, but to be honest, it is hard to separate it from a general malaise that comes from some excruciating medication bungle.

    I told my friend that I was feeling really sick and that I didn't think I could go away with her this weekend. The testament to how wobbly I am at the moment, lies in the fact that for a full hour after talking to her, I feel guilty and so incredibly crappy. I want her to be happy, and I want to go away this weekend. Given how I have been feeling since Saturday, it probably isn't the best idea, and the intense guilt is just a symptom of everything that is wrong in my world at the moment.

    I wish that I had a little bite of electronic chocolate. I wish that I could skim the top off my thoughts and get some kind of acknowledgment of my existence. It is just remnants of an old addiction, but I feel too sick to care right now.

  8. #27
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    I hope you feel better soon!

  9. #28
    Bronze Member Chai's Avatar
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    Thanks Batya!!

    I am hoping time, as always will heal all.

    :-)

  10. #29
    Bronze Member Chai's Avatar
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    Today I did some research into low-carb diets and how they can change our body chemistry, making us more sensitive to some medications - antidepressants were mentioned. I am wondering if this may be contributing to the fact that I still feel pretty awful today, a full two weeks after I chucked the awful generics in the bin and went back onto the brand medication.

    It wasn't too bad, until my doctor suggested taking the medication a couple of hours earlier to try and help me wake up at a reasonable time in the morning. This was a disaster, and this seems to be the thing that my body is trying to recover from. Maybe it was too much to ask after already in a compromised position from the generics.

    No matter what the cause, it is definitely complicated by the no contact that I started a week and a half ago. The withdrawals are quite intense, and I definitely feel like I am scratching around for some electronic chocolate.

    This forum is very helpful, as it is soothing to read other people's stories and to contribute. It is also kind of a blessing that I feel so sick at the moment. I don't really know what is specifically (illness or withdrawal) causing me to feel so bad, but I keep thinking 'if you are going through hell, keep going.'

    Hope you are having a good day :-)
    Chai.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by Chai
    Today I did some research into low-carb diets and how they can change our body chemistry, making us more sensitive to some medications - antidepressants were mentioned. I am wondering if this may be contributing to the fact that I still feel pretty awful today, a full two weeks after I chucked the awful generics in the bin and went back onto the brand medication.

    It wasn't too bad, until my doctor suggested taking the medication a couple of hours earlier to try and help me wake up at a reasonable time in the morning. This was a disaster, and this seems to be the thing that my body is trying to recover from. Maybe it was too much to ask after already in a compromised position from the generics.

    No matter what the cause, it is definitely complicated by the no contact that I started a week and a half ago. The withdrawals are quite intense, and I definitely feel like I am scratching around for some electronic chocolate.

    This forum is very helpful, as it is soothing to read other people's stories and to contribute. It is also kind of a blessing that I feel so sick at the moment. I don't really know what is specifically (illness or withdrawal) causing me to feel so bad, but I keep thinking 'if you are going through hell, keep going.'

    Hope you are having a good day :-)
    Chai.
    I think any significant changes can affect mood. Food = mood. Sometimes for the better of course. I'm sorry you're not feeling well.

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