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Thread: Why won't he meet up with me?

  1. #1

    Why won't he meet up with me?

    I met this guy online 1 year ago and we're both 18 but unfortunately live in separate states in the US. We've pretty much been texting everyday and video chatting every week or so. We both like each other a lot and have expressed that but both feel that in order to have a real relationship we gotta meet first to see if the chemistry is still there.

    In fact he is the one who suggested it first and keeps saying "I cannot believe we still haven't met, we really need to!" We both said that I could fly to him first (my parents are less strict and would let me go, his probably wouldn't want him to travel to meet a stranger)

    I thought it would work out but for months now I've been asking him if he's even told his parents about me and he hasn't yet. He keeps promising he will but that he's nervous because they're strict and may not let me visit him. Fair enough but not telling them means we definitely can't meet whereas if he tells them there's at least a small chance for us.

    Every time I ask him if he's told them, he seems to not wanna talk about it, like it annoys him. Does he not wanna meet me? Is he too scared to tell his strict parents? He says he will tell them but hasn't told me when he's gonna do that.

    If we don't meet by the end of the year should I end it? I don't wanna do that but I need to know if he's serious or not and I wanna know why he hasn't yet told them after a year! Should I keep reminding him?

  2. #2
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    I think you need to end it now, OP.

    You don't need to keep reminding him. He knows. For whatever reason, he's opting not to talk to his parents, and you should not hang on to someone you've never met for this long. It's just not worth it.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    End it already. Or, if you want to make it last longer AND charm the grown ups, switch to snail mail. Too extreme? Set up a time no more frequently than once a week, and talk on the phone. The rest of the week, phones down and eyes on your own, separate lives.

    There are practical reasons and emotional ones that underpin the strength of my advice.

    Sometimes, we have to let people go, or remain connected by the thinnest of threads. This is one of those times. It is an important skill.

    Part of what is keeping you connected is the fear of losing this connection and not finding another one. That fear will cause you to enter into relationships too quickly and stay in them too long.

    Meet all fears head on. Look them in the face. When your physical being is safe - and I mean that - walk in the direction of fear. View it as a door to walk through.

    In this case, letting him go may be your innermost, unvoiced fear. Find it, voice it out loud, and consider your motivations. Then, choose what to do next.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Practically speaking - this association is of little use to you, except that it gives you several forms of escape from your current day, and most of those forms of escape are through your imagination.

    You will gain much more, on multiple levels, by having relationships in person - non-romantic, same gender friendships included.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do your parents know about this? That's a long time to invest in someone you've never met. Way too long. How did you encounter each other? Dating apps? Chat rooms? It doesn't matter if his parents know, it doesn't mean he can afford to visit or that he even wants to visit. Otherwise he could have since he's 18 and doesn't need permission...that is if he's really at least 18. He may have a local gf. Who knows. Frankly you are wasting your time and hiding behind a screen, why is that? Why not date local boys so you don't have all this secrecy and frustration.
    Originally Posted by Asgtjt9fbcje
    I met this guy online 1 year ago and we're both 18 but unfortunately live in separate states in the US. We've pretty much been texting everyday and video chatting every week.

  7. #6
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    I agree with Wiseman - he might not really be 18. He could be a 16 year old who looks older. Or 21 and married. Some people just want a texting buddy and nothing more. I hope you are dating guys locally while having this "friend" ---

  8. #7
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    Why are you wasting your time? You live in different states and he is not interested in meeting you. You need to follow people's actions.

    Lose this guy. Find someone local.

  9. #8
    (Sorry had to cancel this, still figuring how to use this site lol)
    Last edited by Asgtjt9fbcje; 07-07-2018 at 11:21 AM. Reason: Mistake

  10. #9
    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    I agree with Wiseman - he might not really be 18. He could be a 16 year old who looks older. Or 21 and married. Some people just want a texting buddy and nothing more. I hope you are dating guys locally while having this "friend" ---
    He is 18, he's shown me his instagram and facebook and they're all consistent with his age and schooling, i've spoken to his friends etc. He is definitely not lying about who he is.

  11. #10
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Do your parents know about this? That's a long time to invest in someone you've never met. Way too long. How did you encounter each other? Dating apps? Chat rooms? It doesn't matter if his parents know, it doesn't mean he can afford to visit or that he even wants to visit. Otherwise he could have since he's 18 and doesn't need permission...that is if he's really at least 18. He may have a local gf. Who knows. Frankly you are wasting your time and hiding behind a screen, why is that? Why not date local boys so you don't have all this secrecy and frustration.
    We encountered each other on instagram and he reached out to me first. Trust me, he is definitely 18, I know that 100% as there is evidence all over his social media. He's not hiding who he is.

    And I would date local boys if they were interested lol

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