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Thread: girlfriend broke up with me a week ago

  1. #1
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    girlfriend broke up with me a week ago

    Hey everyone,

    So i started seeing this girl Jan 15th and we hit it off instantly. Within a week we were telling each other we loved each other, then for V-Day she wrote this amazing card where she says she feels like I am her soul mate and that she has known me for years. Our relationship was like a fairytale....until March 4th. On March 4th, I decided to stupidly start drinking again and our relationship went down hill. I completely lost interest in her, her interests, and basically didnt want to do anything with her when were together. It culminated in me blowing her off on a date in mid June and we broke up. We then go back together to work on our issues, but it was different. Eventually she went to a trip 2 weekends ago to Vegas she had planned for a year now and she came back basically saying I don't want to date you any more, I still love you very much but we just aren't right for each other. I immediately decided to take the decision to quit drinking and going to the gym, talking to a therapist about my issues etc. I explained to her I understood the flaws in our relationship and I was working on them as well as not drinking to improve myself and to be the boyfriend she deserves after she messaged me sharing a link about a place we went to that burned down. She said while she loves me she can't believe my words, which I 100% can understand. I asked her to let me take her on a date to show to you the work I have been doing to make myself a better version of the guy you met on January 15th. She said she still loves me greatly but she is trying to date someone new so she doesn't think that she wants to see me. I simply said Okay, well the door is always open and I love you, you know how to reach out to me.

    So basically Im very down in the dumps. I started a journal in addition to tracking my workouts in a spreadsheet. I did some research online and its all saying "No Contact for a Month" which I am doing, but its tough. I hear a song, I want to send her the link cause it reminds me of her. Am i making the right choices? Will she want me back? Thanks for any responses or help I can get.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Since she is dating someone new, it's unethical to contact a taken woman who you are still romantically interested in, and secondly, the ball is in her court, as you told her she knows how to reach you. Continue on your journey to mental and physical health. Alcohol abuse will ruin every relationship you have. You two were in the infatuation stage, so why should she feel the need to risk her heart on someone she barely knew to wait around and see if you'd actually changed?

    This was your wake up call. Do what's best for yourself, not for the hope that you two will get back together, but that your life will be better in the long run. In AA meetings, it's recommended that a person not enter into anything major like new relationships during the first year of sobriety. Take care of you right now without worrying about others. Good luck.

  3. #3
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    This relationship moved too quickly, then crashed and burned.

    Telling each other you love each within a week of dating is ridiculous, to be blunt. You didn't know each other, and you were both confusing lust with love. Likewise with her soul-mate declarations a month into it. My point in saying this is not to put you down, but to help you see that you two were building glass castles in the sky.

    And no, she likely won't be back. You lost interest and pushed her away after just a couple months, and only woke up when she dumped you. She knows deep-down this won't work and she's giving it a go with someone else. Let all of this be a lesson learned: don't mistreat people and try to scramble to make it all better only after they're gone. And also, slow down next time. Moving quickly is almost always a bad idea.

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    Originally Posted by Chris12189
    I did some research online and its all saying "No Contact for a Month" which I am doing, but its tough.
    What site are you seeing this on? Other people have said similar things, but as Andrina wrote, No Contact is No Contact, especially when your ex is in another relationship. Contacting her interrupts both your healing and her healing process. In your instance, you screwed up, move on. You've only been sober a short time. You can't be trusted not to fall back to drinking by anyone. You should block her and delete her and don't bother her. The relationship went too fast and it burnt out. Time to be an adult and go forward with your life.

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  6. #5
    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
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    Consider this relationship the catalyst that showed (or reminded you) that your drinking is harmful to your health and happiness. I know you are disappointed about losing her, but she's made it pretty clear she isn't interested in dating you anymore. In my opinion, I think she is smart for not enabling you and moving on with her life after realizing your addiction issues. It's not her responsibility to wait for you to heal or to help you quit drinking. Look back on this incident as a lesson next time you are in a promising relationship.

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    Originally Posted by Chris12189
    I did some research online and its all saying "No Contact for a Month" which I am doing, but its tough.
    I am sorry to be blunt, but you haven't done research, you have been sucked in by expert salesmen peddling the fallacy of some 30 day no contact rule to a broken hearted guy. I'ts B/S. No contact means no contact initiated by you, possibly forever. It does not mean after X days there is some clever text or letter you can write that will magically get an ex back.

    Please do not listen to, or pay any money to, those self proclaimed experts. Please have a look at theDatingGuy's roasts of some of them instead. And his videos on what no contact really is, and the importance of time and patience, and working on yourself, for yourself. Rory at the LoveChat is also good. One of them has a video specifically on why the 30 day no contact rule is a myth.

    I suggest you find it and watch it, and reinforce your efforts to improve yourself. When you feel like you might cave and contact her, go to the gym*, or log in here instead.

    *Preferably one of those 24/7 ones where you get your own access card so you can go at 3am when you can't sleep.

    PS - after a couple of months here, maybe less, you'll be handing out this advice to new posters. Its tough, and takes time, but you will get there if you stick with it.
    Last edited by RayRay63; 07-06-2018 at 03:00 AM. Reason: rambled on a bit more

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    Thanks for the advice. She still would try to message me all the time like we were still together if I didnt tell her to not get in touch with me

  9. #8
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    Block her.

  10. #9
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    As long as you are laser focused on her as the solution to your problems, you will never be able to resolve them.

    Focus on you and getting healthy and sober. She is just a distraction.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    As long as you are laser focused on her as the solution to your problems, you will never be able to resolve them.

    Focus on you and getting healthy and sober. She is just a distraction.
    I am doing those things. However we had a good relationship together until I began drinking again. I know if I continue on the path I was on when I met her (before drinking), our relationship can be better than it was during the months I was not drinking

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