Girlfriend and her son

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 8 months. She moved in 2 months ago. Things are good.. I mean, she is an amazing woman, and mom. I love her and her son. I see a future with her.

But my problem isn’t really with her, it’s her son. I love the kid.. I do, but he gets babied by his mom so much! She’s 29, and he’s 4 1/2. He always gets his way, yells back, hits me and her, and he’s just.. defiant. That’s all being dealt with

The problem lies with her babying him. She hand feeds him when he is too grumpy/lazy to do it on his own. She carries him in stores when he throws a fit. He’s half her size and weighs a good 50-55lbs. She’s small. I can tell she struggles but she does it because he will cry if she puts him down

They shower nightly together. Or take baths together. I’m over here wanting intimacy which, we don’t have alone time. Ever. His dads not in the picture. When we go to sleep she asks him to lay with us because I think she has seperation issues with him. It’s always been just them two before I entered the picture.

When we dated it was like that. She’d visit and we would all share a bed. That was when he was 3. They moved in and he has his own room and bed. He still sleeps with us!

She showers with him. He sleeps with us. He’s always there. I love him; but I need alone time too. She doesn’t ever try to make date nights. It’s always me and I feel bad because she says she’s happiest when it’s us 3. I’m happy with that too but not ALL the time.

We’re rarely intimate because he sleeps with us. I don’t know what to do! Please give me advice.

I for one am not surprised nothing changed from the time you dated, until the time they moved in.

What made you think it would magically be any different?

This is her parenting style after all.

Add in. . you only knew her for 6 months. .?

Jeez this is way wayyy too soon to be getting her son involved. That's bad parenting.

Okay sorry if I didn’t explain properly. We talked for several months prior. We officially have been dating for 8 months, almost 9 months total. She moved in after 6 months of us dating.

I thought him sleeping with us would change when they moved in because he had his own room. Before, he didn’t. Hey shared a room and when they’d visit I didn’t have two beds. I bought him a bed when they came here and we decorated his room to make it fun for him.

Also, they showered here and there. I didn’t see a problem with it. Lately, it’s everyday. If he’s not crying to go with her, she like tells him.. I’m showering, are you coming? And he says yeah and he goes with her. It’s not like she can’t shower with him. He’s definitely old enough. When she takes baths he will bang on the door demanding to get in or he starts crying

She USED to use his shower time for us to be alone. Now it’s like died completely

Still way too soon to involve a kid. She sounds immature to say the least.

you hardly know this woman. you should not be living together after only 8 months of dating.

you know -- this is extremely tough on the kid -- his parents split and now he is living with his mom and some dude. I'd be throwing a tantrum, too.

And you are enabling everything.

It is WRONG for a man to share a bed with a young child that is not your own and its a little messed up that she takes baths with him. She should be outside of the tub clothed while he is in the tub to assist him with bathing. He is borderline too young to close the door and take a shower by himself. A bath - maybe - after mom makes sure the water is an okay temp and then goes to check to make sure he shampoos his hair etc.

the child MAY however have regressed a little bit due to stress --- potty trained kids start having accidents or acting like a baby or toddler or being needy, etc.

I think that you need for her and her child to move out or you move out. She needs a counselor to see her and/or her child and you need to take it slower.

When she takes baths he will bang on the door demanding to get in or he starts crying

 

y

Do you think that he is afraid or uncomfortable of being alone with you (not that you would do anything bad to him at all - not implying that) when mom closes the door on him? To me, if mom was in the shower with the curtain closed and the child was playing on the bathroom floor just to be around her and when she was done, she had a towel and robe to be able to towel off and dress without opening the curtain or the child has learned to leave when she was getting out --- that would be different and probably something that would be acceptable for sure

No I don’t think he’s scared of me. He loves me. He makes comments that he doesn’t like his dad. He was never really in the picture and when he was it was bad for him. He used to want to go everywhere with me and he would tell his mom she couldn’t go because he wanted to be with just me. He isn’t scared of me at all.

As far as being regressed, maybe. He’s happy with us. When all of us are together. He just walks all over her. I just think she babies him. I take him to the park or when he’s with just me or Even s babysitter he is really really good

The moment she’s around he’s baby talking again, being needy, he stops listening and starts hitting everyone. Jumps on people like we’re a jungle gym and doesn’t know what no is.

When she’s not around we can calmly go to the park, watch a movie, he won’t always get his way and he’s okay with that.

So what's the deal with her and her child moving in so early? Was it to ease things for her financially?

She's using her child as a wedge to keep you at bay from her. It's not the little guys fault, he's not the problem, and I felt so sad for him reading this.

You should not be moving in before the two year mark with a kid. I agree! Bad parenting, How soon was the kid sleeping with you two?

We were a distant relationship. She lived an hour and a half away. We had opposite schedules. My schedule was changing to where we would have NEVER saw each other.

We both felt comfortable with it and I love being around them. We both felt like it was a good choice. What’s making it hard is that she babies him. He’s almost 5 and I don’t know. I just wish she’d make more time for me.

Attend family counseling so that a professional can advise her that her parenting skills are doing more harm than good. She feels guilty that his father is out of the picture and can't bear for him to be hurt anymore from that, than he already is. She doesn't realize how harmful her lack of boundaries are in so many major ways.

You need to be concerned about the child's welfare first and foremost. Once that's resolved, your romantic relationship should improve, and if it doesn't, you have the choice to end it with someone who doesn't meet your major needs. If that happens, in the future date locally, so you aren't forced into premature decisions like living with someone when you barely know them.

You two have moved far too quickly.

You were long-distance and moved in after just a few months of dating, with a child in the mix. Not good. She needs to be making much better and healthier choices as a parent.

Now that they're both there, I would strongly advise counseling. This child needs boundaries and his mom does, too. If she won't agree to that, well, this doesn't have much chance of succeeding.

He's 1.5 years older in 8 months?

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 8 months. he’s 4 1/2. When we dated it was like that. That was when he was 3.

He's 1.5 years older in 8 months?

He was nearly turning 4, when he met the kid, if you properly do the math. So technically yes he was 3, ongoing 4 years old.

I find it really disturbing she is showering with her kid. That's not right. It borders on almost incestuous, but definitely inappropriate at 4 years old. I can understand a young baby, but man is this weird. She is a grown adult.

I would advise to talk to her about this situation. It does seem like a young relationship that has yet to blossom, given the LDR and kid wedge. You two really don't know each other, which may be partially why things are going great...for now. Once you two spend some more time together, you will start to see each others true selves. Who knows if that will work out or not. I just feel sorry for the kid, since he's already had an absent father. It was not wise of the mother to potentially risk him losing another, with the way she's been acting towards the relationship.

Cohabiting with a child sets the kid up to compete for Mom's attention. Given that she's been parenting as badly as she already has, this won't end well. You're in for a holy s'storm if GF tries to remove that kid from her bed, and the bathing thing? Over the top.

You can set yourself up as the family villain if you want, but get ready for a whole pile of resentment coming your way--from both of your roommates.

I'd find a quiet way to exit this and learn my lesson about inserting myself into a situation where a divorced mom has misused her child as her own security blanket. It's a no-win for all involved.

Saw this kind of bad parenting in my mom's goddaughter, long story short her husband after 5-6 years of complaining to her, that she was smoldering the kid to an extreme, same sleeping and

shower habits, the kid never ate what he didn't want. Well she threw her husband out and filed for divorce, now the guy has a child that can't do anything without his mom, because she has

custody and is fu**** !

So I'd advise you to seriously think this through, do something to have her realize her way is toxic and if she doesn't want to change, I'm afraid you should run far you'll never win against the kid !

Unfortunately you have no say in how she raises her child. You are just the bf and it's none of your business, no matter how weird it is. If it bothers you, don't live with her after 8 mos of dating and don't date single moms getting over involved after only 8 mos.

You are not going to change her or the child. They are a package deal and what you see is what you get, like it or not, however strange it is. Nothing she is doing is abuse or neglect, so you'll have to kick them out or put up with it or try to badger her until it changes, which is unlikely.

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 8 months. She moved in 2 months ago.